DataLounge Con 2019

Fine dining 24/7 at the Chrissy Metz All-You-Can-Eat Buffet

Caftan-and-earrings trunk show!

The Wrigleyville Cumdump will have an autograph line out the door.

How much will these bitches charge for a dramatic re-enactment?

A panel on how to have a happy, fulfilling heterosexual relationship with guests Hugh Jackman, John Travolta, Bradley Cooper and Tim Tebow, and moderated by Darren Criss.

Sorry R1. Once Around The Garden/Autumn Harvest is the Official Datalounge Buffet

We need a baked potato bar!

Without these name tags YOU. 👏🏼 ARE. 👏🏽 COMMITTING. 👏🏾 LITERAL. 👏🏿 VIOLENCE.

Don't forget cosplayers as White Belt Man.

We'll need a rotating staff to man the Informatia Desk and a few to hand out guest pass lanyards and check the verificatia of pre-registered attendees.

Cathy Mitchell whipping up treats in the hospitality lounge.

Free admission for pasta drainers!

I'll work the ALDI Information booth!

With a special musical guest to open the festivities

The Mrs. Dan Savage Fashion Hour is an extra ticket and NOT included in your general admission package.

Hold a lip pursing and sniffing contest.

Canceled for lack of interest.

Murders Row. Discuss murders that interest you and how they got away with it.

This class has prerequisites.

My son, Shane Klingensmith, may be available that weekend.

Tommy DiDario and Gio Benitez in a very special performance of Love Letters.

Where are we having it? The 2017 con was at the Jacob Javits Center in New York. It was a blast.

Already confirmed celebrity guest signers include:

Burke Ramsey

Linda Lavin

Uncle Poodle

Mamie Gummer

Raul Esparza

WELL , HELLO.

I WAS PLANING TO ATEND " DAT LOUNGE CON " BUT IT SEEMS "THE BELLS" HAVE OENCE AGAN "PULED STRINGS " AND CANCULED MY SCHDULED APPEARNACE.

Your photo with a Sumerian Housewife - only $29.99

We'll be having a silent auction for a one-of-a-kind Alex Ross lithograph of Helen Lawson and Jenny Stewart each pulling on the arm of Adore Loomis as he/she splits down the middle.

We expect this to easily raise a few thousand for Broadway Bares 2019.

I'll be there to share my inspirational life story. 20 bucks and I'll show you my quadruple bypass scar!!

We've just received confirmation that Mr. Esparza's bisexual cock will also be available for photo ops for a slight upcharge.

Thank you.

Erna will, of course, be wearing a sequined Nazi armband that she made herself.

Fuck you idiots. I'm off to learn something by attending the politics seminar conducted but Elder Lez.

We will be featuring debates on many of DL's most polarizing topics, including Gravy vs. Sauce.

Wrong. It’s graxy.

JFC—How many times need it be said? Sumerian FARMwives. Not housewives. Sheesh!

Who’s buying the Darfur Orphan a plane ticket?

Will there be a pussy-smelling contest?

Straight men examined for anal hygiene?

Cheryl herself will be in the pussy-sniffing booth.

Southwest Air is donating the flight for the Darfur Orphan. His emotional support flies will also be allowed to accompany him at no charge.

Start your day by heading to the hospitality lounge for a complimentary continental breakfast consisting of coffee and toast made from refrigerated bread.

Enjoy a workout with your favorite Dataloungers.

Ruth Buzzi will be performing her tear-inducing medley from Evita.

“The Isle of Lesbos” - an exciting virtual adventure! Throw on you favorite T-shirt and vest, get your VR goggles and journey back in time to a historically accurate recreation of 20th century “Lesbian Bar” populated completely by women who enjoy sex with other women.

Drinkie poo cash bar

We do need some kind of corn dish to honor Carol Channing.

At this time I'd like to acknowledge our gracious corporate sponsors.

First and foremost... Mediapolis for over 20 years of love and bitchery.

Also....

Truvada

Red Dragon Cheese

THRIVE by Le-Vel

Progresso Soup

Lens Dunham will be there, walking around nude, posing for photos, and generally making everyone feel uncomfortable.

A DL panel on trans.

I hope there's a photo op with a cardboard cutout of Jackie On Assistance.

R42, you forgot Dukes Mayonnaise. We don’t even have it here in New England but I still remembered.

What about me, boysch?

Can we have a Bryan Singer dunk tank?

Crab walk with Azmodeus, or go to the smoking patio on the roof and hang out with with gargoyle across the way.

If you’re lucky, you’ll catch Bai Ling up on the roof

Red Dragon Cheese table....

How to spot a frau in everyday life.

Meet BILL TAYLOR live in person......

A Round Table Seminar on stalking the elusive "Dollar Tree" poundcake in its native habitat...

I shall be hawking my unequaled collection of Helen Lawson film posters which, of course, will be outrageously overpriced.

I’M LOOKING FOR NON-HIRSUTE, SLENDER MEN (EARLY 20-ISH) TO MODEL MY NEW LINE OF COMFORT-STRETCH TANKINIS INSPIRED BY THE SEARS “YOUNG LINES” COLLECTION THAT MANY OF US SO FONDLY REMEMBER. BLESS,

Dunk tank with Joel.

Will there be a panel on Meghan Markle? Because I'd like to present on curtsy protocol and Meghan's kneebones.

Denise will corral you from LAX and pick you up her in 1984 Chevrolet Astro, aka The Rainbow Express.

Tommy will be the key note speaker. Hip will be so proud.

Will there be an area for Men Presenting Hole?

I demand the space be appropriately ADA-compliant for mobility-challenged folk.

That includes gender-neutral restrooms, too, people.

[quote]Hold it at a Motel 6 near LAX or something.

I can get you a good rate at the Days Inn in Glendale.

Catering will be provided by the Soft Butch Sous Chef.

The Chrissy Metz Fashion Show will be in Auditoriums 3, 4 and 5.

Who wants to moderate the "M vs. G" panel discussion?

R35 you're going right to Hell and I'll follow you there.

Mike will be in charge of lodging for all of the attendees...and he won't let them forget it for a single moment.

FREE SAMPLES @ the Yum-ooooooooooo yogurt booth!

R32 Sorey, it's not in the budget. Instead, there will be a canned goods drive for the Darfur Orphan.

Contest for the best "Looks 10 Years Younger".

I'm performing all my monster hits at the DL & Gay Icon T - Dance! Only gorgeous and fabulous people like me need apply.

The evening entertainment has been scheduled.

How about instead of charging for a photo with Poo Shoes, you could charge for people to have the opportunity to stab her to death?

SAVOR THE FLAVAH at the weekend's big event, The DL Autograph Show!

Lisa Beamer, the Blatino Husbear and Sara and Her Vagina Cape all will be there.

Catering provided by Bird Bakery - DL :smelling cookies" cookies for all!

Miss Peanut will be in the DL Safe Space to comfort patrons traumatized by naked, wandering Lens.

DL "smelling cookies" cookies ^

For every pasta strainer turned in, attendees with be gifted with a pair of DL engraved pasta tongs.

Limit 2 per household.

I'll spend the weekend cuddling DL fave Miss Peanut and shunning those with Miss Peanut-related allergies.

Will Shawn Mendes be performing?

Supreme Court Justice Mike Branson will be keynote speaker discussing 'Kaftans and the Law'.

The breakout star of our Ugliest Tiaras thread, Princess Astrid of Norway, will be on hand to model the most hideous pieces from her collection.

"Spot the Typos" workshop for those who want to bring their speed up (and have nothing more pressing to do than complain).

Also drills in posting concise, biting alerts to ̶s̶o̶m̶e̶ same.

I have sufficient, I was molested!, Sizemeat Verficatia and Lizscha, Sierra Towersch T- shirts will be available for purchase.

I am American male bisexual who is tired of crypto-muslims and antifas with post-modern neo vagine doing force transgender on gays. Please to join me for DL Con Sunday brunch panel starring fellow American gays Jordan Peterson and Camille Paglia. We discuss how Trump save gay men from being thrown off building by blacks, and how feminist destroy LGB by doing queer. Eat delicious borscht while the left eats itself!

Connie Francis sing-along on the Aloha Deck.

Mr. Justin Clynes hosts Instahoe Ball 2019, featuring favorites from Dylan Geick to Anthony Varrecchia, in an undisclosed conference room. $7,000 premium admission on top of your DL Con day pass. Sponsored by Pure for Men and Manvox.

I shall be attending and twirling my vagina cape.

But I will only twirl for womyn born womyn, I'm telling you that NOW so I don't have to tell you THEN.

I have stated my boundaries.

Afterwards I shall be holding a breast-casting session for elder crones. No late comers will be admitted. Bring your own nut loaf.

The WHET/WHTE Commemorative Wall will be open for DLers to post their recollections of long gone 80s porn stars. Wheelchair access.

How many genders will be listed on the registration form?

Will there be a creche available for me?

Obvs, r41, we'll want to make the good chowder.

[quote]Mr. Justin Clynes hosts Instahoe Ball 2019

NO SMILING!

The Instahoe Ball will be held in the Dame Olivia de Havilland Marquee.

r79 "Spider" pasta dredgers, useful for chunky shapes such as cavatappi, will be given as door prizes in La Cucina Italiana di Dataloungissima.

R8 Will the breast casting session be open to us womyn of no color?

R97 breast casting will be run under strict apartheid. Don't ask WHY. It just IS. Except for sessions 6 and 8 and 11 and 12.

The schedule is as follows: 1. Womyn of color 2. Womyn of no color 3. Elder Crones 4. Womyn of Asian color 5. Womyn of Native American* color 6. Womyn of cilantro sensitivity 7. Womyn of mixed race colors 8. Womyn of disfigurement of any color 9. Wowyn of inuit color 10. Womyn of Canadian color 11. Womyn of mastectomy survivors (phantom casting available on request) 12. Wowyn I think are hot and I want to get my hands on their titties

(*this existence only, past lives do not count)

Anyone who attempts to attend the wrong group will be sent home immediately on Denise's Rainbow Express.

Break out time for Blue Agave recaps.

Cha-cha heels for every registered attendee and AUTHORIZED presenter.

** ATTENTION All Snowflakes! **

“The ‘Jealos Bitches?’ Salon and Spa” has opened a complimentary suite in the “Cathy Zeta Jones Pavilion.”

Andy Cohen and his dog Wacha declined.

Come visit the makeover booth! Sponsored by the makers of the Queen Helene Mint Julep Masque.

This will be a terrific opportunity to join this new exclusive club! Free tote bag with all new registrations! Come see us in Building 4, next to the yoga pants booth.

Word to the wise: Don't but tickets to the Todd of Vaguebook Q & A. He ALWAYS cancels at the last minute citing "urgent personal issues."

A contest to see who can dial the phone with a pencil fastest.

Stop by the Danny Thomas Cocktail Table exhibit.

It’s interactive.

Book your seat now on the Elon Musk mini-sub shuttle, running between participating hotels and the convention centre. Chauffeured by Presley Gerber.

Will there be glory holes?

Princess Alexexandra, The Honourable Lady Ogilvy, will open the event by unveiling a commemorative glory hole installation. Her Royal Higness will subsequently tour the convention and visit the Chi Chi LaRue Tent where she will view an exhibition of the pornographer's work, before departing for The Bahamas for cup of tea and slice of Battenberg.

[quote] R109: Here you go, R109. Glory, glory, hallelujah!

Tonight's entertainment, in the Pia Zadora Showroom:

Datalounge Presents: HOLE!

(Featuring Courtney Love.)

Will there be facilities accommodating men having their periods?

HELL, NO! R113

I'm packing my Samsonite. Anyone want to put me up? I put out.

For the sexy mature gal, come see our new line of crotch-less wheelchairs, now in neon and glitter! Just because you can't stand up doesn't mean you can't get down.

Buy your advance tickets to the Saturday evening event, our annual "Uncle/Nephew Dance." This event usually sells out and there will be no wait list.

Honorary chairpersons: K. Spacey and B. Singer. Additional funding by the Catholic Archdiocese.

A select cohort of socially prominent guests is cordially invited to a Super-Secret Simulated Waterside Supper with Riparian Entertainments. Smart nautical attire is required. By invitation only; RSVP on suitable card stock in blue-black ink with a high-quality writing instrument, please.

A stringent screening process shall be in place to weed out any so-called drag artistes masquerading as muh sister Rose, so thanks in advance for buggering off.

[quote]Denise will corral you from LAX and pick you up her in 1984 Chevrolet Astro, aka The Rainbow Express.

BUT NOT FOR FREE!

We're very excited to announce that this year will be the innaugeral presentation of The Chris Burrous Memorial Statuette.

'The Gimpy' will be presented by Mai-Dough to 2019's Fister of The Year.

When booking your flight to DataloungeCon 2019, remember that Pan Am is offering a 20% discount to all attendees! To take advantage of it, simply enter discount code CUNT at checkout.

It should be held in Amboy CA

Bea Arthurs cock dildos for sale in the gift boutique.

Lorna Luft will be presenting her award hopeful show "Songs My Mother Would Have Taught Me But Then She Died" in the Festival Tent.

Better venue: Chris Burrous' hotel room.

BD Hyman will give a lecture on how to be a worthless Cunt and kill your Mother.

BYOT, bring your own towels!

Tying in with the helpful information at R122, Miss Crawford will be presenting a "Cooking with Spanish Sowsage" demo on the main stage, composed of pre-cleaning, setting up the mise-en-place, making the recipe, and then post-cleaning. Attendees will be furnished with complimentary brooms, buckets, scrub brushes. wet and dust mops, and knee pads.

John Waters will showcase his latest Documentary …

How I underwent conversion Therapy and came out fucking Manson Girls.

A special appearance by DL FAVE SUSAN DEY.

Attention all DataloungeCon 2019 guests: a shopbottom at the Cotton Cannabis Sweet Shop booth has reported $1.45 missing from his tip jar.

All exits are hereby blocked until the missing funds have been recovered. No one will be permitted to exit the convention center until he’s been stopped and frisked by the DataloungeCon 2019 security team.

Thank you in advance for your cooperation.

NUT LOAVES AND HIGH POINT COFFEE AVAILABLE AT THE WOMYNS CONTINENTAL BFAST.

You have to do better, OP. The last one was at the Jacob Javits Center in NYC a couple years ago and was well attended. You need to think big! It’s the exposition centers that got small! How about the Palm Springs Convention Center? You’ll be surprised by the crowd this draws.

America's treasure, and surviving Golden Girl was asked to appear and take part in reenacting some DL fave episodes*. She declined, saying that her rescue dogs were being de-wormed that week and she need to stay close to home to monitor their poo. "That's all the shitshow I need for one weekend", the sassy entertainer said.

*Linda Lavin, Linda Gray and Susan Dey had been already tapped to play the dead 'Girls'.

Here’s the link for the previous convention. It was April, 2017 and a great success. I hope Our Man in Norway comes, and the Ohio guy.

R17, I love that clip. That guy is so cute! I love how men have such red lips and cheeks when they're young. At the height of their power, *sigh*

Randolf will be giving spankings in the [italic] “Punctuation or Pay” Symposium. [/Italic] “Esperanto speakers” a plus.

[quote] Posting for a friend in Palm Springs

Are there meese in Palm Springs (or is it mices)?

Don't forget that mani/pedi! Visit the "Chirst Almighty" Nail Salon and Day Spa while you attend the event.

Located next to the "Rapturariffic" Clothing Swap Boutique.

Looking 30 When You’re in Your 60s seminar will undoubtedly have low attendance because nobody here needs instruction but it’s an option in Conference Room C

Carbs or Isis? Which is the Lesser of Two Evils symposium in Ballroom Q.

ARE you a fat whore? Discover the truth - Room H - mezzanine level

I’m hearing Alam Wernick will be there in the hopes of winning the inaugural “Gimpy.”

[quote] I’m hearing Alam Wernick will be there in the hopes of winning the inaugural “Gimpy.”

Is that the same as the “(G)(R)Umpy”?

Mrs. Patsy Ramsey (formerly of Boulder, CO) wowed the DLcon 2019 crowd this afternoon. After her wildly popular 2017 workshop “Find Your Bliss: Eliminate Toxic People from Your Life,” America’s favorite former Miss West Virginia delivered an all-new self-help program inspired by Marie Kondo method.

“Hold the object tightly by the shoulders and ask yourself, ‘does this little harlot spark joy?’” advised Mrs. Ramsey. “If the answer is ‘GOD no, and her turn-turn-kick-turn is atrocious!’ then just let that 45 lbs. of dead weight go!”

I am dying r144. Dying. That was perfection.

will they have “Mary! 2019” t-shirts?

Sign up to hear Scotty Bowers reading from his book, "Full Service: My Adventures in Hollywood and the Secret Sex Lives of the Stars", followed by a questions and answers session and book signing. "Charles Laughton" finger sandwiches and other snacks will be served at the cash bar.

The “merch” booth this year includes a complete line of caftans bejeweled with well known Bruce Vilanch one liners, Timothee Chalamet bobble-heads for the obssesed, and rando photos of nude dudes pulled from the interwebs jpegs. Come early for our sentence diagramming workshop and CBD oil for health class.

R148, did you say “merch”???

Let’s talk! In exchange for freebies and a DLCon 2019 VIP pass, I agree to wear your bejeweled Bruce Vilanch caftan at my grandfather in law’s (imminent!) funeral. As I sob at his casket (keeping one eye trained on the cameras at ALL TIMES, natch), I’ll lovingly place the Chalamet bobble head and nude photos in grandaddy’s cold dead hands while my dopey ginger sidekick sprinkles the CBD oil over the corpse as a symbol of eternal life (making sure the cameras catch It all, of course). And, assuming my BFF (the Archbishop of Canterbury) is able to keep my asshat brother in law and his pesky footmen at bay long enough, I’ll slap a “DataloungeCon 2019” on the side of the coffin.

Think of the marketing possibilities! Have your people call my people (1-800-Soho-House).

There’s still a lot of room at the Budget with Tori class. She’s giving away a free movie theatre style popcorn maker to every attendee.

She’s also running a daycare and parenting classes. Again, lots of room so don’t be shy!

[quote] R139: Are there meese in Palm Springs (or is it mices)?

Here are fewer [italic] meece [/italic] in Palm Springs since the airlines stopped allowing emotional support animals. I know the Christmas Moose won’t fly without his emotional support human. They usually take Amtrak, now.

R149- the oppalance, you win everything. You’ve neatly summed up everything good at DL. Nice.

This year’s In Memoriam tribute will feature a performance of “I’ll Remember” by the Wrigleyville Cumdump.

Following the performance, attendees are asked to maintain a moment of silence while the Wrigleyville Cumdump is ceremonially fisted in special honor of Chris Burrous.

Save your money for the closing night auction!

You can purchase the jockstrap the Wrigleyville Cumdump will wear during the ceremonial fisting!

Only 1 towel and 2 turkey meatballs per guest because I am not running a bed and breakfast here!

We're sorry to inform visitors that the the Joey Mills book signing event has been cancelled, due to new shooting commitments. Joey's latest movie, 'Joey's 50 Load Lay' from Garbage Studios, will be released in the fall.

Guests can however visit his art installation entitled "Liar" created from 1kg of Cocaine in the Helix Gazibo.

exchange pix of our whores?

Once Around the Cumdumpster.

I will be selling pre advance copies of my coffee table pictoral book: MY LIFE IN WHORES....for only $39.99....comes with a firm handshake from me and a kiss from my whore of the week...

In response to some complaints from last year, the Orgy Planning Committee is pleased to announce some new changes to the Orgy Etiquette Standards:

1. Neither complete nudity nor participation will be required this year. You will not be escorted from the orgy if you remain in your tshirt and briefs at the back walls.

2. MAGA jock straps will be strictly prohibited.

3. A safe room with emotional support animals will be available if you are "othered" by your preferred sexual activity partner.

The Brexit Bonfire scheduled for Friday 29th at 11pm has been postponed until 12th April/23 May/a date yet to be determined*

*Delete as appropriate

We will again stream a live feed of the orgy to a special viewing room that you may attend for an additional fee. With the fee, you will receive a special set of clutching pearls and a guaranteed allotment of 5 minutes on one of the fainting couches.

A dedicated DataLounge thread will be maintained for those in the viewing room to comment on the orgy, and a special award will be presented to the commenter with the most constructive criticism of the orgy participants.

The Emotional Support Animal Feeding and Toileting Centre has been jointly sponsored once again by American Airlines and The Pennsylvania Alligator Sanctuary.

Please ensure that your emotional support alligators are well hydrated.

Would patrons please note that cloakroom facilities are available to store massage tables and DJ style lighting rig, prior to the Chris Burrous Fisting Workshop.

Please contact Sandra on Reception for details.

Will the clutching pearls be large enough to use as anal beads?

Child care will be provided by the Sub-Committee of Lesbian Disciplinarians (SCOLD).

Corporal punishment will be administered.

mrs joan Alfred steele will be doing disinfectant demonstrations in the mezzanine toilet for a modest fee.... NO CLOTHING

The 'Guess the Mr Fister' competition has reached its 6 millionth entrant.

There is still time to guess who it is from the scenes of crime photos alone.

Please write your entry in legible handwriting and pop it in the giant, slightly stained, gimp mask next to Sandra on Reception.

First prize is a used massage table kindly donated by Mrs My-Dough Burrous.

[quote]"Charles Laughton" finger sandwiches

Will they be real fingers?

Um, R166, can we talk before the event please.

I’m specifically interested to know how much extra it would be if we, um, don’t want one of them back.

TIA!

Doesn't Motel 6 have a weight restriction on their rooms?

Lamont will chauffeur me so I can be the headline act for the Saturday Night show on the celebrity diva stage. I usually play the Pearl River Indian Casino in Mississippi on Saturdays, but I'll have to make an exception for you bitches. I gotta remember to tell Lamont to keep that Denise chick away from my Cheeba. Shit...

Oh...and, as usual, Nippy will be working security.

This should be a real thing. Seriously.

R171 No such issues here at Days Inn, Glendale!

All our rooms have reinforced beds añd flooring. They're beautifully appointed with mounts for DJ lighting rigs and spacious enough to accommodate the largest of massage tables.

Here at Days Inn, we was to provide you and your fisting friends with the very best in specialist accommodation for DataLounge Con 2019.

Ask Sandra on Reception for details of how your stay with us will admit you to Days Inn Elite status programme.

Coming up next on the DLCon 2019 Main Stage: The debut of “Let’s Hear It for the Boy(s): A Musical Tribute to Washed-up, Prepubescent Grifters!” starring Balloon Boy, Clock Boy, and Bat Boy, begins in 15 minutes. See it with your uncle/nephew!

Please check in with Connie in Billing.

This is a true story I just remembered due to R171.

I worked at the Sandpiper guest house in PTown in 1980. We rented a room to four really obese lesbians. They were probably ~300 lbs. each. The room had two double beds. One morning, I went in to clean, and they had broken a floor beam. The floor was all wobbly. Thank God it was in one of the ancillary rooms, and not in the main building.

[quote]Mrs. Patsy Ramsey (formerly of Boulder, CO) wowed the DLcon 2019 crowd this afternoon. After her wildly popular 2017 workshop “Find Your Bliss: Eliminate Toxic People from Your Life,” America’s favorite former Miss West Virginia delivered an all-new self-help program inspired by Marie Kondo method.

Patsy Ramsey died in 2006, was she there from the Great Beyond?

Yes, R179.

Prize of a night with Rocco Steele for the best hole presentation.

Let's not forget the Conspiracy Theory Room. Be enthralled by DL's best conspiracy theory experts tales of the connections between L.Ron Hubbard, Barbara Bush, Jack Parsons and occultist Aleister Crowley.

Special readings from the book Sex and Rockets: The Occult World of Jack Parsons will be ongoing. Schedules to be announced.

Do What Thou Wilt and The Whole of The Law T-shirts will also be for sale.

An excerpt from the book: "Hubbard would chant and invoke the spirits while Parsons and Cameron had sex. The men believed they were summoning spirits and lightning with their incredible potency and sorcery, though Crowley was so disgusted by their antics that he called them "goats" in a letter. "

"Still, it's hard to deny that Crowley had a strong influence over Hubbard, and many of the trappings of the OTO's system appear in altered form in Scientology. You might say that Scientology is the science fiction version of the supernatural horror that was the OTO. So the religions may be different genres, but they have a lot in common."

Sounds fascinating! The talks will be a welcome relaxing reprieve from the endless meth orgies and circle jerks!

It just so happens, R179, that Mrs. Patsy Ramsey (formerly of Boulder, CO) frequently visits the DL from her otherworldly dimension.

In fact, the DL’s Tasteful Friends themselves designed the Portal that she, Judy, Vivian Vance, and other DL favorites use to drop in and say hello.

Jill Zarin!!

R179 Mrs. Patsy Ramsey (formerly of Boulder, CO) is only "publicly dead". She's here on the island with Dan White and a few of the rest of us.

The Maiden Aunts Fireside Sleuths Assembly will be meeting at tea time in the Sunset Salon each day.

This year we will be focusing exclusively on a heretofor ignored case - the death of Natalie Wood.

I'll be moderating the Dyatlov Pass: "What Really Happened" discussion on Saturday at noon in conference room 4 on the first floor. See you there!

I heard Mrs. Alfred Steele will host an intimate supper for her dearest fans in the East Fountain Room. Proper attire required, menu to follow.

Has anyone blocked out the space for the life-size recreation of Griselda Medina's drawer?

Talking of supper, join Ina Garten in the Onlyfans Auditorium for an entertaining and informative talk on preparing the perfect non poisonous green salad, followed by a Q&A on US Nuclear Power policy of the 1970s.

Some of you have been doing Autumn Harvest after paying for Once Around the Garden. Don't think we don't see you.

With there be an anal rejuvenation workshop?

Griselda’s panties

[quote] I'll be moderating the Dyatlov Pass

What’s that?

^^ OhNoSheDidn't

[quote]In fact, the DL’s Tasteful Friends themselves designed the Portal that she, Judy, Vivian Vance, and other DL favorites use to drop in and say hello.

I prefer to call it "The Arnold Scaasi Memorial Panné Velvet Curtain of Thanatos."

Bar actually looks quite beautiful at R196.

I second the Glendale Days Inn. Every gay man loves to rubber neck a drive-by fisting episode......

[quote] I second the Glendale Days Inn.

$24 per night, double occupancy.

wht does 'finna' mean?

[quote]Proper attire required,

Thongs?

Caitlyn jenner be there nude to show what a purdy woman she is. u can suk and slobber on her teats for ten bux, pavilion #7 in the back....BYOB

The inaugural 'HRH The Duchess of Sussex Rose Bowl' will be awarded by Her Royal Highness to 'DataLounge Grifter of The Year'.

This exciting award, personally judged by Her Royal Highness, aims to recognise those members of the grifting community, who excel in this particular field.

The 2019 award has been won by HRH The Duchess of Sussex.

Don't miss our all-nite, high-NRG dance party, "MOVE IT ALONG, TOOTS!"

Kaftan fashion show!!!

Would all delegates please go to the Dame Olivia del Havilland Marquee, where the United States Department for Urban and Mountain Plantlife (USDump) has laid on a sumptuous spread, in an attempt to get us all eating our greens again.

Get tested at the Know Your Status booth, co-sponsored by Theranos and Walgreens!

I thought the "Know Your Status" booth was for shop bottoms and household staff.

Drop your business card in the Gaping Prolapse Bowl. On the final day one lucky entrant will win a $25 gift certificate to Nasty Pig of New York.

sir Elton wil be giving enemas in the back shed....

The Maiden Aunts Brigade is proud to announce we have at last selected the topic for our symposium:

[bold]CATHERINE SLOPER: FRIEND, OR FRAU?[/bold]

Please join us for what we're sure will be an animated discussion. Costume contest to follow.

Attention DLCon 2019 visitors: The High Point Coffee Flavah Tasting Booth has been temporarily closed.

It will reopen as soon as Ms. Lauren Bacall releases Ms. Bonnie Franklin from a chokehold.

Furthermore, we expect it will be the last time Ms. Franklin tries to promote her “I Hate to Exercise, I Love to Tap!” VHS cassettes by breaking out into an impromptu tap dance within 1,000 yards of Ms. Bacall’s Booth space.

[quote]Furthermore, we expect it will be the last time Ms. Franklin tries to promote her “I Hate to Exercise, I Love to Tap!” VHS cassettes by breaking out into an impromptu tap dance within 1,000 yards of Ms. Bacall’s Booth space.

I'm surprised Ms. Franklin was even invited back after the vicious fight she got into at the 2018 con. Dame Angela Lansbury was drawing bigger crowds while pushing her VHS "Angela Lansbury's Positive Moves."

[quote]On the final day one lucky entrant will win a $25 gift certificate to Nasty Pig of New York.

*fingers crossed*

His Holiness Pope Francis has had to pull-out suddenly, from his sponsored kiss-his-ring-a-thon, scheduled to take place in the Dame Angela Lansbury Library tonight, citing hygiene concerns.

His Holiness is concerned about the transfer of germs. He made his announcement after a recent video of him pulling away from pilgrims went viral.

Will this at last make him and his underlings stop fondling kids?

I guess Judy did give her grey suit to a thrift shop in the end, tho.

[quote] Drop your business card in the Gaping Prolapse Bowl

Is there a Gaping Prolapse Playlist?

[bold]ADVNACED PHOTOSHOPP FOR INSTAGARM 101 LOL with Brendad Ickson[/bold] 💄🎓👜👛🛍👑💍👢💄

Learn the secrets of Hollywood's most famous star for enhancing and bedazzling YOUR face full of fashion for the hi-glamma World Wide Interwebs landscape of today!

([italic]Note:[/italic]Though optional, The Evening Punctuationist's "Copy Editing and Proofreading for Social Media" seminar is STORNGLY recommended as a companion course.)

The Diana, Princess of Wales Memorial Award for Careful Driving, will be presented in the Dame Joan Collins Auditorium at 7pm.

This year's winner is not unfamiliar with rubbing shoulders (and other body parts too!) with royalty at the highest level.

For his selfless contribution to ambulance chasers around the world, his amazing insensitivity and his ability to insult every nation under the sun.

The 2019 DataLounge Diana Driver of the Year is HRH The Duke of Edinburgh!

🎊🎆🎉🎊🎉🎆🎊

Don't forget to check out Milo Yiannopoulos at the dunk tank!

Just added, seats still available: How to tell the difference between a fake drag queen and a real queen, moderated by RuPaul and Nancy Grace

How to exploit your 15 minutes of fame with The Duchess of York (Pork to DL)

How to turn your old home made sex tapes into retirement nest eggs by the Kardashians. (Kim and Matt Damon will have a free giveaway to the person who canguess their combined ass sizes)

The Log Cabin Republicans are gladly hosting the Michael Jackson Memorial Day Care Center for Boys (Only). Lindsay Graham will be there to sign autographs. The Pences will be in the neighboring booth offering time shares at a conversion camp well inside the Pocanos.

AnnE Lingus will give tips on how not to be funny on DL.

[quote]The 2019 DataLounge Diana Driver of the Year is HRH The Duke of Edinburgh!

Dammit. I was hoping this year would be my year!

What the hell! Why is Brie Larson doing Rose's Turn at the Saturday Night Bitchfest and Bacchanal! Fuck! I am beloved!

Oh, and I'm still in need of an personal assistant. (Hey, stop looking at my panties!!!)

An personal.

The Donald Trump Art of the Deal Award will be presented at 11pm (GMT) tonight Friday 29 March 2019 in the Dame Mary Peters Pavillion. (Protestants should use the VIP Fastrack Lane signified by the Union Jack's, other denominations should follow the zig-zag route an EU flags)

The award recognises outstanding brinkmanship, negotiation and obfuscation skills.

Last year's winner Kim Jon-un will be on hand to present this prestigious award with The Orange One in Chief to 2019's very own Orange One. To a woman who has lead her small, obscure, yet politically devastating bigots, I mean party, to become key players in the Brexit negotiations. This woman made The Spanish Inquisition look like a Sunday School outing.

As Brexy's Midnight Runners strike up 'Come on Arlene', please don't miss the presentation of 'The 2019 Donald's Dealer Award for Screwing-up Your Country' to Miss Arlene Foster, MLA, DUP (and Bar), H&W (Belfast).

[quote]The Donald Trump Art of the Deal Award

Was I even a contender?

A hookup corner

Apologies. The 'Art of the Deal Award' has been postponed for a future, yet unknown date, maybe.

Miss Foster MLA, DUP (and cash bar) H&W (Belfast, Northern Ireland will always be part of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland) has instructed the organisers to refund in full all Protestants tickets, other denominations, especially Catholics, can kindly fuck off though.

Aerobics with me.

Whoo!

The Evening Punctuationist loves these conventions.

Should Randolf be promoted? Should we start a petition to that effect?