Let's be the 2018 Global Gathering of Secret Lesbians

I'm the viewing of Extremely Butch Lesbian

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

I'm the sherbet-colored pantsuits.

I'm the adhesive name tag, relieved to carry only single-syllable names:

Pat

Peg

Fran

Deb

Liz

Kat

Chris

Kit

Beth

Kate

Jane

Sky

Faith

Sue

I'm the indistinguishable Suburus in earth tones in parking lot.

I'm the unveiling of the Death Ray that fires Lesbionic Waves. I need but one more component before I will be fully activated!

I'm the screening of the giant boob scenes from Woody Allen's "Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex But Were Afraid to Ask"

We're the Lipstick Caucus. Get back, butchies!

I'm the contents of every iPod on site: Melissa, Indigo Girls, kd, Ani, Tracy, Tegan & Sara, Stevie...

We need ideas for seminars about world domination, and we need them NOW!

A 4-hour monologue entitled "I'm telling you NOW so I don't have to tell you THEN", presented entirely in the nude, and in ancient Babylonian.

I'm the private screening of "Man to Maiden: Female Domination"

I'm the ceremonial activation of the Mother Robot.

I'm the Ry-Krisp.

I'm all the pissed-off kitties left with a neighbor for the long weekend.

Remember these are _Secret_ Lesbians. Some may very well have ignorant husbands, that they keep control of using mind control drugs, or some sort of labial hypnosis! You don't know!

I'm the multiple copies of "Lesbian Mind Control Adventures" that will be left on the nightstands in the Best Western.

I'm the sounds of "Evil Never Dies" by Lesbian Bed Death playing over the intercom during the brunch buffet.

I'm this thing. All the girls take photos in me, but they are then deleted by their handlers because they're all supposed to be incognito. I will show up as an oddly-long 5 day gap in their Instagram feeds.