What do you do...

How did you lose all your friends in one day, did you really any to begin with?

Move to a nice, liberal medium sized city -

Easier to make new friends

Move to somewhere else peaceful - smaller town. Head to Asheville, NC.

Start over as the person you dream of being.

Op, aside from the losing friends aspect..

If you’re late 40’s with nothing saved, you’re living in a very expensive place which will make it hard to save for retirement.

I think once you’re past mid-thirties it’s harder to make friends

Maybe move to a less expensive city and start fresh and meet new people

How long ago was this awful day? If it was in the last month or two, give yourself time to recover and clear your head so you can try to make a rational decision. It will get better. If you have a career in L.A. that you like, you may chose to stay and rebuild a social circle. Otherwise, look at other places where you can get a job and move on. It won't be easy either way, but you're going to find the strength to do it as time passes. Good luck.

You take charge of your life , make friends and save money. Only you can do this . You sound very depressed . Get a physical and see if there is something going on there. Could be as simple as a B-12 deficiency. I’ve known several people who have gone thru this in middle age but they actively dealt with it and turned their lives around. You can too. There must be someone in your life you can turn to for help even if it’s just talking it out. Don’t just give up.? I wish you the best . Keep us posted .

Did your friends not rake their leaves either, OP?

Fuck 'em. They do feed you. You don't need them.

Did they find out how you voted?

[quote]If you have a career in L.A. that you like, you may chose to stay and rebuild a social circle.

LA is extremely cliquey. It's hard to break into a new group, personal or professional. The curiosity from the locals isn't there. If this sounds provincial, it's because it is.

Ashville? And live with fucking deplorables? No thanks, Trumpster.

Where is your family, OP? Do you have any siblings?

R12 that wasn't my post ,but you do realize that the area is actually a liberal artsy haven?

I thought this was an interesting thread. You may find some answers here, OP:

CA in general is a hard place to make friends. Superficially friendly but very isolating. But it is hard to make friends after 35 no matter where you are. I’m grateful to be in NYC where I find it is easiest to randomly meet and engage with new people. But not an easy place to live in other ways.

Asheville is too far out in the middle of Deplorable-land. Maybe Charlottesville - or Raleigh-Durham. Job also matters. Ain’t so easy starting over after 40.

I agree with all the posters above. Move and start over. I moved from LA 10 years ago and never looked back. I lived in a rent control apartment there. Now I have a house, mate , and 2 dogs...life has never been sweeter!

its Asheville .... its lovely its artsy it liberal and affordable

OP, I'm going through the same thing, sort of. Except my job is ending in a few weeks, and I don't have a plan and don't know what else I want to do. But.. I'm turning 40 soon and while I have friends, friends aren't feeling like enough. They are more like acquaintances. I don't have a relationship (I wasted 3 years with someone awful), direction, a house I love, or anything. Moving seems to be the only option (actually, I'd go back to California) - since I do have savings. I've hit a wall where I too, can't come home and watch TV anymore alone, day after day. I just hope something comes up for me or I meet a love interest soon. If things are this bad in 3-6 months, I plan to move out of state and start over. I really wish you all the best.

I'm going to state what is probably a somewhat unpopular opinion. I know pop psychology states that you can't "run away from your problems " or whatever, but if you're in that dire straits I would advise you to leave. About a decade ago I was in a somewhat similar position to you, though not exactly. Let's just say my life had reached a major low point and my gut was telling me to leave the area. My brain and heart were screaming at me to get the fuck out. I didn't listen due to "practical " reasons and it was ultimately a disaster that did a lot of personal destruction. Now, I am stuck in the same place and the problems are worse than they were a decade ago. I'm pretty much fucked at this point. Just leave op. Start over, and don't let anyone bullshit you into thinking that leaving won't help.

R1 Food for thought, but it was my fault. Basically.

R2 Interesting.

R3 North Carolina? Yeah? Hm. Interesting.

R4 Too daunting. But, I know that's a terrible attitude to have.

R5 Great advice. Thank you.

R6 The thing that happened happened a while ago. I'd been noticing my friends have been distant lately. Suddenly on Friday night, one of them told me what had been going on. I was pretty mortified. Thank you for wishing me luck, too.

R7 Yeah this made me cry. Thank you. I will try. And I will come back here and report.

R8 I'm not close to the fires, thank G-d.

R9 See now, I WISH I could think like that. I know people who can dismiss friends at the drop of a hat and not care one bit. Those people amaze me. Fuck why do I have to be like this?

R10 I voted straight Dem.

R11 Believe me I know. I've lived here a very long time.

R12 HA!

R13 I have a sibling in the middle of the country and parents in the South.

R15 Thank you. I will check it out.

R16 Maybe I should move to NYC. In time to go to Patti LuPone's 70th birthday at Lincoln Center.

R17 I'm so glad things worked out so well for you. That sounds amazing.

R19 Let's meet up! ; - )

R20 Damn. Ok, that's something to consider too. Thanks. I think Linus Van Pelt once said "There's no problem so big or some complicated that it can't be run away from"

Thank you for all the input. This place can be a comfort.

I think we are all getting curious as to why you lost so many friends “overnight”?

R12/OP, that snark may have contributed to your friend loss.

This is one DL post crying out for an EST.

Why you lost all your friends overnight is a legitimate question. If it is something that happened through no fault of your own, moving away and starting over may be the best thing to do. On the other hand, if it is the result of your own actions, then moving away may solve nothing since you will be taking yourself with you. if this is the case, maybe seeking professional help is the best option.

"Dont ask for details. Its unimportant."

The whole story is in the details, OP.

What did you do to lose all your friends "overnight"?

Are you a serial killer?

Details, bitch. Or you're going to be abandoned twice.

OP = Dr. Matthew Dempsey.

r28 = Post of the Month (at least)

OP = Craig Watts

I want OP to be happia

People come and go, OP. You gotta get used to it.

I lost two people within two weeks a few years ago. One was such an asshole, a control queen given to such to such flights of anger and irrationality, with a matching inability to self-examine, I have not missed him for a moment.

The other, I don't really know what happened. He was too nice to me. His partner had something to do with it, I am sure. The partner never liked me. Anyway, consciously or un-, I set up a situation whereby my now ex-friend felt he had to dump me. I think he made the right decision. I do miss him, but I get it.

Well in at least one case, you were lucky.

Truly, r34. If I find out someday that the first one is arrested for murder, I will not be completely surprised.

I do think the details of why you lost these friends is important to giving you the best advice.

Agree, this thread is pointless without deets.

It grows obviouser and obviouser why his friends dumped him.

We are thinking he had many friends, but maybe he only had two and one of them was his dog.

It sounds like your ego was bruised, OP. Do not move, don’t spin out and burn it all down or alienate everyone further. It may not be as bad as you think, and relationships can go through periods of being strained without your having to abandon them. Whoever said to cool down for a couple of months before making a big decision was very smart.

[quote]Don't ask for details, it's unimportant.

Wrong. What’d you do?

Join a gay friendly church, or gay synagogue or gay Zen group etc. Depending on your preference. They will at least be nice to you and may give you some spiritual grounding. I think the mother church of MCC is in LA.

Late 40s?? I had major life changes this year at 62. Truthfully, I've never been happier.

You life isn't over, it can just be a new beginning if you allow it to be...good luck!

OP just take care of yourself, get fit, start investing your money, and find a new hobby. Forget about friends. They're overrated. Find a lover.

"Lost all of my friends overnight in my late 40's".....

Activating the DL Translate-O-Matic.....

"I turned 21 and Brian Singer threw me out of his house!"

OP's got a bad case of the "yes, buts" and is going to reject any practical advice at this point.

OP, if, as you say, your loss of friends was your fault, why don't you start by apologizing to your former friends--not with a view to regaining their friendship, but just to clear your decks. And then get yourself some therapy, even if it's short term crisis counseling. Unless you understand what happened with your friends and why, you're likely to repeat the behavior no matter where you move. You can do this where you currently live, or after you've moved (although no place suggested has met your approval), but you should do it if you want a different life and better relationships going forward.

Nothing gets fixed by switching venues. And nothing gets fixed overnight. But you can fix this.

Just tell us- it's difficult to provide advice if we can't understand if it's all your fault.... MARY!

Sage counsel from R46.

R46 gave the best advice on the thread, OP.

Also, what was your arrest for, child porn? Solicting a minor? There are only a few things in life that will cause everyone to leave you behind. You must have really fucked up.

My guess is they found out he is on crystal and he thinks by running away he can hide his shame. Go to rehab OP.

omg R49 - the OP sounds like an abhorrent individual- MARY!

OP sounds like he has a drinking or drug problem. Time to get sober and get clear. You'll attract better people.

OMG OP you are horrible!!

Base your responses on the assumption that he passed some very deadly gas at a party.

^well i have never!!

R46 - you are spot on! Nothing gets fixed Overnight. I say this as someone who recently moved To a new place. I do really like my new town and I'm fortunate that I also have really cool fun gay neighbors.

But I have work to do. And I think as you get older and you find yourself not in the place in life you want to be, it's depressing.

Last week out of nowhere I was crushed by depression - it still hasn't subsided and I have episodes where it just gets worse. I'll just start crying out of nowhere. I'm certain this was brought on because I also had my birthday. I'm really trying to talk myself out of the depression before I go down a deep hole, but it hasn't been easy.

I'm going to take the week and try to come up with a plan of action - but most importantly implement it. Maybe join a gay church/meditation group that was suggested up thread. There are things I can be doing. For now I'm just trying to surround myself with as much positivity as I can to balance out all the negative in my mind.

Thanks r46 what you wrote was helpful to me- motivational

I can do this - I just need make make some serious changes

r56, r46 here: If you can, seriously consider short-term crisis therapy. It might help you to get a handle on the changes you want/need to make, which may make the task seem less overwhelming and more do-able.. I've done it twice in my life; by definition, it's time-limited and very focused, so you're not buying into a giant therapeutic commitment (unless you find that you want to). However you choose to tackle your stuff, I wish you luck. And peace.

OP: tell us the details. Otherwise it's pointless to give advice.

why do the details matter? don't be a jerk.

[quote]Agree, this thread is pointless without deets.

This thread is boring without deets.

Verificatia?

[quote]why do the details matter?

They are what makes it interesting--the hook that will make people want to continue the discussion.

It's obvious that the OP's massive drinking problem is what drove his friends away.

On Friday night, OP was out with the last straggler somewhere, getting drunk as usual. The Last Straggler finally had enough and said, "THIS is why everyone else has ghosted you!"

That's how OP found out for sure but he already knew why they dumped him.

Maybe some new drinking buddies who won't care about OP's behavior when drunk?

bullshit

"I've lived her 40 years and you are the only person I feel the need to say goodbye to."

Do you have a job?

Drinking, drugs, child molestation of a friend's relatives... does it ever stop OP?

los angeles is a big city. move to a different part, make new friends. Volunteer. Go to the gym every single day. Get into a routine for a while and do the same thing every day to get a pattern going.