Getting yourself invited to a Thanksgiving orphan party

I'd rather take a pot luck crock pot of food to my local dive bar than try to get invited anywhere. I love a dingy miserable dive bar on T-Day and Xmas. Share the pathos.

Sounds lovely!

I'm an orphan too, OP, and I have already received three invitations. I accepted the first one but I really would like to attend the last one I got.

Still, a gentleman follows through and attends the invitation he accepted.

Which of these do you think is your problem? You're a crashing bore? Fat? Ugly? Short-dicked? Or a Lesbian?

I don’t mind spending them alone but I’ve always been a loner. I’ll probably be working though this time though.

When I'm in this situation, I just stay home and have grilled cheese and tomato soup. The first time it happened, it was because my boyfriend of the moment "couldn't" invite me to his grandmother's for Thanksgiving, four months after we'd moved to a new city together. So I stayed home and had a lovely day. Much better than if I'd been someone's little match girl.

r5...I hope you dumped his ass. Thats appalling that he left you alone on a holiday because he was with his family and "couldnt" invite you.....bullshit. Are you chopped liver ?

"Snark appreciated!"

Dear Darfur Orphan: Snark is not digestible.

OP, I'm single and thousands of miles away from family too. Luckily, I have one friend who invites me to her family dinner every year and she extends the offer early too so it's awkward as I'm not sure if another friend (whom I'm closer to) will invite me. For years, I had turned down the first friend. Finally I said yes last year. And when she asked this year--in late October, I said yes again. It felt awkward to say no since I had broken the ice last year. As it turns out my other friend is going out of town this year so it worked out.

Honestly though, I'm not sure who to finagle one though. I guess I just lucked out I have 1 or 2 friends who are opened to having a friend share a holiday with their family. This is the story of my life. My immigrant family doesn't celebrate American holidays so when I used to live in my hometown, I would always celebrate with my best friend's family. Again, just lucked out that I've known them since I was a kid and they treat me as family.

If I were alone on Thanksgiving or Christmas, I'd devote the day to cooking and eating a favorite meal. Take my time; have a glass of wine while I chop and sauté, perhaps break the prep up and have a mid-day nap. Watch a favorite movie and eat in front of the TV with my dogs nearby.

That sounds pretty sublime.

R3, I'm none of those things, but thanks for the snark. I just don't think any potential hosts know I have no plans. I've already outright confirmed by five best friends are all out of town.

R9, yes, that's cool. But I've done that and am not up for solitude this year.

r6, I moved out the following spring. He was a bi, and he has been alone his entire life.

Years ago I was an orphan for Thanksgiving and had spent one year at the home of my sister's in-laws and then at the home of my mother's partner's son. Nice to be invited, really felt like the lonely, single loser at each. Then something wonderful happened - a co-worker invited me to his home for Thanksgiving. He loved the holiday and had decided that he would spend with people whose company he enjoyed. For 10 years I spent the day at his house. There was always the same core group and then random invitees (up to 15 of us would spend the day together).

My suggestion is that you try to start one of these for yourself. It could be three of you together for the day. But make sure they're people whose company you enjoy. Host the day (everyone brings something, you do the turkey) or arrange for a dinner together at a restaurant. Start a tradition that means something to you - don't be the straggler.

My friend died unexpectedly about 7 years ago and honestly, he was the glue for the day... those of us lucky enough to have those years together lament the end of his hosting. A few of us get together for the day, it's always very nice, but for me, not quite what we had.

Go to a bar, way less awkward than orphan thanksgiving. Or just stay home. Smoke a joint and watch tv.

I quit accepting orphan holiday invites about five years ago and I’m enjoying the holidays more.

OP, why don't you invite someone to your house?

My wife and I are orphans. We spent the first depressing year with just the two of us. Now we host Cheists for all are orphan friends and have a blast.

I hate being invited to Thanksgiving because people "don't want me to be alone." I feel like a fucking charity case. So maybe two days before Thanksgiving, I order a catered TG meal for two, and it's always a little too much. I help out delivering meals to seniors in the early part of the day. We usually finish by 2 at the very latest. Usually much earlier. Then I go home, watch movies and eat like a pig. I feel good helping out. Volunteering to help on holidays at any place that needs volunteers really makes you feel valued and appreciated. And I truly don't mind being alone. I don't like the awkwardness of being with people I barely know as someone's good deed.

You can always post on facebook that you have no where to go. I always invite my alone friends to my family's house. But some years they gotta like pizza.

When I worked in the phone company, if I was invited at Noon would tell them I had to work 8:00-4:00. If the meal was for 3:00 or later, claimed working 4:00-Midnight. Would stay home, watch TV and DVDs.

I travel to North Carolina to spend Thanksgiving with family and it’s nice but it’s even more fun when my brother invites one of his Orphan or otherwise available friends to the festivities. It’s great to have “new blood” to talk to and it keeps my SIL on her best behavior since she’d never go Full Bitch in front of company.

Maybe others feel the same way that I do and would happily extend an invitation if you merely make it obvious that you’re an Orphan and are interested in celebrating the holiday with a group.

Same, R15. I find "stray cat" invitations patronizing. But, personally, it would make me sad to watch movies at home. I'd rather create some sort of memory for myself by going to see a play/ballet/concert, or spending a day doing something new and odd, like bungee jumping.

Casinos and movie houses make bank on Thanksgiving night. People want to get out of the house.

My parents we dead , I am a vegetarian and my sister keeps kosher and can be a rigid, unpleasant person so voila - I get to spend a nice quiet day alone. I will take my dog out for a hike, buy the cat a treat and binge watch a show I have been meaning to watch.

Why not host one?

Too bad your are feeling orphaned OP, I (a gay man) hosted Thanksgiving for years because my mother's place was too small and I was conveniently in the middle for others to travel to. Mother died and so did me hosting, I announced that I will no longer be hosting and I am not driving anywhere several years ago.

Sometimes I fix a big dinner for myself, sometimes I just eat whatever is handy, but I have yet to miss hosting Thanksgiving dinner for relatives. It is times like this that it really pays not to need the company of others.

In this situation, I always hosted a Thanksgiving dinner, and invited people I thought might want to come, or male couples when I knew that neither partner enjoyed cooking. Usually there would be 7 or 8 guests for dinner. But one year, I volunteered at one of those massive community Thanksgivings, and dished up hundreds of meals - then ate at one of the long tables. It was also fine. I guess it's not my nature to sit at home moping.

I've been through different kinds of Thanksgivings (large gatherings, small gatherings, and solo). I have no advice on how to get invited to a Thanksgiving get-together. If, for some reason, you end up solo, I would recommend something similar to what R9 stated (prepare something special for yourself). Also, Thanksgiving dinner tends to be a calorie bomb and the food isn't always the best. I appreciate solitude as well as communal experiences.

I've always loathed Thanksgiving. -- don't like turkey, hate having a day off with on which I'm "required" to go to a big dinner, don't really like long, drawn out family gatherings where one is locked into arriving by a predetermined time and not able to graciously leave early.. I was single for years and LOVED hiding away at home, having joyfully turned down invites ("ahh, sorry - I already have plans, but thank you) and just sleeping in, maybe reading or watching tv and eating the meal that I felt like having that day. Now that I'm (quite happily) married, I am pretty much without any option but to attend T-giving dinner with my husband's family (who are all great, don't get me wrong) if for no other reason than he shouldn't have to try to explain that he's married to a weird-o. But I really miss my solo Thanksgivings. The things we do for love, right?

It no longer has the joy it did when my family was all alive and happy. My parents were perfect hosts. Now it's just an unpleasant obligation. I have to selectively choose any gathering before accepting any invites.

Make your own potluck party. Invite your myriad friends.

[quote] Make your own potluck party

It’s a soupluck not a potluck.

There's always pot at a Radical Faerie party, no luck needed.

[R17] DISQUALIFIED!

[OP] Sweetie, Thanksgiving is only 7 days away. If no invitation has been extended by now...

Host your own, then you control the guest list.

What a fucking heartbreaking tale R26 spins.

You may well still get an invite, OP. I'm a loser with almost no friends and lives far from family (I spend most weekends sitting at home by myself), and even I typically get 1-3 local invites a year. If you don't get any, go onto meetup.com and you can probably find a gathering to enjoy. Do you live near your alma mater? Mine always hosts an orphan dinner for anyone affiliated with the school.

If all else fails, you can probably volunteer at a local soup kitchen or turkey trot.

OP, come back and talk to us.

R35, yes, I've volunteered. It's a good thing to do.

I used to host for strays. Always wonderful.

I noticed a local bar was having a Thanksgiving dinner event that looked delicious and affordable. I decided to throw it out there to people I thought would be interested (single stragglers like myself). So far there are three of us.

R39, are you also OP? If so, bravo and good for you. If Thanksgiving is spent with a few friends enjoying a meal someone else has prepared, it sounds like a nice day.

Grownups don't need approval or invites.Thanksgiving is about being thankful for blessings,not a freaking invite from people you avoid most of the year.Life isn't high school people...... If your lonely, go volunteer at a soup kitchen If you want a damn meal,cook it yourself When,as adults,will we all stop seeking approval of those who don't give a damn about us.Period. The holidays have and their true meanings have been lost.....to consumerism and bad marketing

I hope I remember on Thanksgiving day how grateful I am not to have to spend it with r41.

Last year I spent Thanksgiving alone, eating store-bought goodies and watching parades and football. Since my aunt died, Thanksgiving will never be the same, so even if I had family close by (I don't), it would still feel weird.

My aunt was the hostess of our family Thanksgiving and she was the best cook I have ever known. Homemade pies (pumpkin, apple, and mince) with crusts so thin and delicious they would melt in your mouth. Bread stuffing to die for that no one else in my family knows how to make. She didn't use recipes at all -- just a handful of this and a pinch of that -- and she never wrote anything down, so it all died with her. I especially miss her this time of year.

Appropriately, I suppose, she died in a hospice on Thanksgiving five years ago. May she RIP.

Interesting responses, quite a variety.

I still visit with my parents, but that won't last forever obviously. My siblings are a little far off, and normally celebrate with their in-laws. When the day comes, I'm anticipating being invited by my two siblings to spend the holidays with each of them, but frankly I'm not excited by the prospects of dealing with their extended families. But maybe that's better than being alone? Typically I have no problem being alone, but I think those first Thanksgivings & Christmases without my parents will be tough for me.

[quote]Please offer tips on how to get invited to a nice T-giving dinner

Dick pics.

OP says he ain’t short-dicked so maybe he’ll have some success.

I have a very small family so we always invite other people to celebrate the holiday with us. It might be a co-worker, a friend in from out of town or whoever. We like to have about 16 people or so. It always makes the day so much nicer and brings good energy to the table. One year we decided to just go to a restaurant to eat and see a movie afterwards and it was the most boring T-day ever. The next year, we went back to hosting and had an amazing feast.

OP, it might be a little hard to do, but if you really want to get invited somewhere, you have to let people know you're available.

I'm with the posters who gave up accepting orphan invites long ago. Its a great day to enjoy chili, football and most of all your own company.

Use the day to catch up on sleep, and to gird your loins for Black Friday weekend and all the holiday festivities to come.

And if you get a paid holiday out of it, all the better!

R39 here, no I am not the OP. But maybe it will offer an idea.

I miss Thanksgivings with my grandparents. When I was younger, the holidays would be spent at each grandparents house where everyone would gather for drinks and great food. Extended family, friends, etc. Once they died, everyone stopped getting together. This was at least 10 years ago by now. So now it's just myself and my parents...Nobody else bothers to connect anymore. My dad has social anxiety, so he won't go anywhere on holidays. Many condolences to you R43, and hope you enjoy your holiday this year.

[quote] I'm not excited by the prospects of dealing with their extended families. But maybe that's better than being alone?

Doubtful. Let us know, though.

Thanks for the advice and snark, all!

No, I'm not going to publicly beg for an invite, but I have hatched a plan with another orphan (I'm in NYC, by the way). We're gathering orphans for a fancy prefixe dinner at a restaurant! No cooking, no house-cleaning (my apartment in a tiny East Village one-bedroom, not good for more than 4 guests).

Then we'll go to a bar and drink some more!