Beth Jarrett here.

Did your golf game ever recover?

Do you hate Connie?

Why are you such a controlling, uptight bitch?

Do you still frequent the Zodiac Room?

How did you behave to Timothy Hutton's children after he married Elizabeth McGovern? You're the sort who would insist on seeing your grandchildren even though you were a shitty mother to your son.

We’re you any good at trig?

How badly did you want to fuck Buck?

Was Buck hot?

Why didn't you know that Conrad quit the swimming team? It happened over a month ago.

I WANT MY FRENCH TOAST !

How does it feel being in the nursing home knowing Conrad can easily wield a pillow and no one would ever know it wasn't natural causes?

You fascination with Carol Lazenby is concerning. Why do you care what she thinks?

Did you recommend your face sharpener to the Shrivers?

What happened to the broken plate? Was it saved or not??

Have you ever had an orgasm?

Did you swim in that pool that your brother Ward is so proud of?

If Buck wouldn't have ever been in the hospital, where would he have been?

Did Conrad give you advice on how to do vertical cuts?

What were you doing in Buck's room?

Did Carol Lazenby know you were a miserable cunt?

Did I ever tell you you're my hero?

Were you wearing panties under that patchwork golf skirt, WHORE?

Did your brother and sister-in-law ever tell you how to be happy?

Did you really like the Douglas Fir Christmas tree?

Did Buck remove his high school ring before fisting you, dear?

Why didn't you want to fuck Conrad?

Was it really a good idea to needlepoint "The Wrong One Died" on all those throw-pillows, hun?

Why wouldn't you take a pic with Connie?

Whose idea was it to get Connie "that Jew therapist"?

Why didn't you get family therapy with the Jew therapist?

Was Buck hung?

I drink too much at parties and reveal very private things.

Hate him? Mothers don’t hate their children! Well...maybe this child.

Beth, dear, you CAN save French toast. It's waffles that can't be saved.

You were much nicer in the book because your husband was hoping you would come back after you left him. In the movie no one wanted your cunt ass to return.

Are you Ann Colter”s real mother ?

Does the stick up your ass hurt when you sit down ?

Did you ever want to shoot Conrad out of Palchelbel's Canon?

It would have been nice if you told your son that yes, he should get me something for the holidays.

Will you admit that you were fantasizing about buying that dress in your size and whoring around in it? Is that what you didn't want Dr. Berger to figure out?

Beth, you're not very good at answering questions, are you?

HINT TO OP:

If you're going to start a thread like this, you're expected to answer at least some of the questions put to you.

OMG! I don't want to ask you any questions. I could ask you what the chief export of Bolivia is or where you were when you first heard the Beatles and the answer would always be "Buck blah blah blah Buck Buck blah blah."

He's dead. You've been milking it for years. "I had a good son so that makes me a good mother". Nobody buys that shit. And we all know you're fucking crock pot isn't broken. If you don't want to cook, just pick up a couple of pies at Costco like a regular person.

None of this, "Buck didn't like Costco." Who the fuck cares? The pies aren't for Buck.

Was Buck cut or uncut?

Face facts , Beth. You were a cunt to Buck also.

Buck would never have typed r21.

Do all gay men have mothers like you?

r43 Buck would never have tried to make a pie in a crockpot.

How are you coping now that you can't afford Lake Forest since Calvin divorced you?

Conrad never visits me in this miserable nursing home because he's too busy going to goddamn Spain and goddamn Portugal!

You know I used large chunk of Conrad's college tuition to drive me back to my brother in Houston.

Transport's expensive, golf fees are through the roof and someone's gotta pay.

I'm surprised Conrad isn't gay. He would do that just to hurt me.

Are you hoping that Christmas this year will be right out of Dickens?

R43, Buck would really cut down on the caffeine.

C'mon, Beth, admit it. Seeing Connie in his swimming speedo didn't make you just a tad moist down there? OK, he was no Buck, but he wasn't exactly homely either.

Beth, can I have Calvin's phone number?

Did you ever turn the world on with a smile?

Beth, do you have spunk?

Why was the fish too dry?

Why do you always want to travel (goddamn Spain and goddamn Portugal) instead of dealing with the emotional issues in your family?

Buck would have never lost the Oscar!

Do you know Joanne Forbes? If you don't, you should meet her. I think you two would really hit it off.

Did you secretly judge the Same Time Next Year characters for their adultery?

Oh Beth. Poor, bitter, cold, passive-aggressive Beth.

Beth, exactly what the hell was going on in the last scene, when you were digging your luggage out of the closet and planning to leave? Were you trying (and failing miserably) to work up tears and feeling, or having a petit mal, or what, exactly?

What is Buck short for? And who the hell names their child Conrad? No wonder he was so fucked up.

Beth, dear, did you have a sister named Kate Lawrence who lived in Pasadena?

Hey, there's no comparison!

Those tears at the end were the discovery of a nasty scratch on my beautiful imported luggage and not for those two losers who cause me such distraction.

What did you think when Joe said, "I miss him, too?" in such beautifully modulated tones? Were you ashamed or envious?

When you had the bathroom regrouted, did you change the tile while you were at it?

Beth, do you think your relationship with Connie would've been closer had Buck not died? Or would you still have viewed him as an ugly loser unworthy of your love and, dare I say it, lust?

Kate at R68, it's EXACTLY the same thing, except your 'Conrad' wasn't the youngest boy, but the oldest girl!

Beth, can you please describe for us what your were feeling at this very moment? Well, that is if you can even feel ANYTHING.

That is a LIE, Nancy at r73, and you know it. Doug always spoiled you rotten and handled you with kid gloves. And when you were barely out of your teens, you jumped into Jeff's bed (and later, poor Peter's). And when things turned sour, you couldn't handle it, and sacrificed your marriage to hurt pride. That's why I gave you the hard line--I didn't want you to melt me down to butter your biscuits. It's not like I compared you to Timmy, after he drowned, and held him up as a standard. I know you're being torn apart by feelings you don't understand--my heart aches for you. I want to be able to make it all right, and I know I can't. And it just makes me miserable. All I can do is be here. You are going to be...you are...

What is Conrad’s favourite meal?

The shit I always fed him R76

Beth and Kate, you have both inspired me more than you could possibly know.

R28 I was just trying to lighten the mood and channel Audrey Hepburn in Funny Face.

But my dry as dust husband and sad sack son never got my wonderful sense of humor. Calvin should have just taken the picture. Fuck them both!

Lol hilarious thread. Cheers fellow dlers.

Did you refer to Buck as "My Beauty"?

Who is this person? Never heard of her.

Beth, how about our next vacation - strictly golf. Pinehurst, Myrtle Beach... What do you think?

Did you and Bob Redford hook up on the set?

Is it true that after moving to Houston you became FTM Jeth Barrett and enjoyed a successful career as a mortgage broker?

How very DARE you R7 ! Is that what people are saying?! Mothers don’t fuck their sons!

Did everyone just watch this yesterday??????

I watched it again this year, r87. But no, not yesterday.

Where you afraid that your property value would go down when Rhoda Morgenstern moved into the neighborhood?

R87 You drink too much when you post. That question is what I consider to be a very PRIVATE matter!

Beth, is it true that several weeks after supposedly leaving that morning for Houston they found you riding up and down the escalators for hours on end at Neiman Marcus wearing the same clothes you had on when you left the house and yelling “isn’t this crazy?” to all the other shoppers?

I’m surprised you didn’t want Conrad on your Dickensian Christmas holiday. Dropping him off at the orphanage or the workhouse would really have put a bow on it for you.

OP, you were presented with dozens of questions, do you have any answers?

I guess Buck would have never answered these questions?

R93 I’m not sure why I’m even expending any energy to answer a dim witted Connie type such as yourself, but I have already and will continue to answer whenever I find it appropriate as evidenced by my thoughtfully worded replies in R33, R48, R50, R51, R52, R54, R69, R72, R79, R86, and R90.

I don’t know what else anybody wants from me anymore!

When Conrad reminded about Pippin, did you ride your bike next door with a basket to put him in to take him to the sheriff to make sure he’s destroyed?

R89 I think have subtly made known my feelings towards Jews.

^^^^ I think I have made subtly known...

R74 I was thinking how this was doing nothing for me... no ever so slight nipple erection, no moistening of my vagina, no shivers along my thighs.

None of the things that used to happen when Buck embraced me were happening when it was with Connie.

I can only admit this now, after years of therapy.

R29 that was Calvin’s idea and I regret to this day not fighting him more about it.

R30 as I’ve expressed many, MANY times I felt our problems were a PRIVATE matter that could have been best handled in the PRIVACY of our own home.

Did you ever go down on Carol Lazenby?

OP, we just want you to be happy.

Beth, are you aware that your lunch place in Water Tower Place (where you discuss Christmas in London) has been transformed into a food court?

Your son was hung up by the balls. How could leave him to go to goddamn Spain and goddamn Portugal.

R101 no I didn’t and neither did anyone else, not even her husband. I’m just more honest about it!

Nobody wanted Carol’s muff!

Beth, do you and Carol Lazenby play golf together? The neighbors are gossiping.

Did I play golf with Carol? I think I did... no wait, maybe I took Trig with Carol in high school. Oh, I don’t know. Anyway can I buy you a few new shirts R106?

Did she Really?

This thread is hilarious!

Beth, are you aware that the dinner plate you used for Conrad’s French toast, is prone to chipping? Pfaltzgraf plateware is notorious for it.

Let’s face it. Connie was a total LOSER.

R104 damn it Cal, you know why! Because all the boutique hotels I wanted to stay at in goddamn France and goddamn Italy weren’t available!

Beth, what will you be serving for Thanksgiving this year?

Beth, except for that huge fight with Calvin on the golf course, how was the flight home?

Why does Cal drink too much at parties, Beth?

French toast. I meant, roast.

Pfaltzgraf can't compare with my blue Wedgewood China.

No R103 I have never returned after the incident as described by R91. Sorry to hear it has lost it’s luster... they had a wonderful Waldorf Chicken Salad made with low calorie Miracle Whip.

Yes R110 and I didn’t care... the set was a house warming gift from Carol Lazenby and I always HATED them.

Beth, what were you thinking when this photo was taken?

Mar, why such a cunt?

Well R115 I’m being uncharacteristically forthcoming here, but I feel you people really get me.

Anyway, I think Cal drank too much at parties because he was a latent homosexual and felt intimidated by the other presumably 100% straight husbands.

This was also why he was somewhat intimidated by Buck and his alpha male super masculine personality. And felt more of a connection with that door mat Connie.

That’s how I saw it.

R91. BRILLIANT. I LAUGHED SO HARD.

R120 I was thinking: is Cal getting himself a FOURTH glass of straight Vodka on the rocks?!

I’d better keep an eye on him so he doesn’t start yacking on and on about who knows what and wreck my carefully cultivated image even more.

Beth, just come off it. We know you’re really crying because you never replaced that god awful blue Samsonite luggage with Louis Vuitton! Is it true?

R126 it happened to be Hartmann suede beige luggage which was a wonderfully understated choice. I lived in Lake Forest not tacky Costa Mesa.

^^^^ I mean R125

Beth, what happened to you after you and Cal divorced? Did you move to another Chicago suburb? I suspect you married a prominent eye surgeon and settled in Hawthorne Woods. Did you keep the Pfaltzgraf dinnerware?

Beth, do you and Carol Lazenby keep in touch?

^^^^

How do you fake your orgasms?

Do you like *A Thousand Clowns*?

Buck would have never gotten a divorce.

Do you still feel the same way about Calvin that you always have?

What did you think of that tepid production of Same Time, Next Year? Remember I was falling asleep during it.

Oh honey, if you don't want Cal tell him I have a slot open on Friday.

Beth, what are your thoughts on Veal Prince Orloff?

R114 I’m so glad you posted that photograph because it’s been so misinterpreted for so many years.

I certainly wasn’t thinking about Cal or Connie. I wasn’t even thinking about Buck.

The truth is, I was thinking about how foolish it was not to buy that divine Bottega Veneta bag I had seen on sale at the Houston Galleria. I hadn’t seen that style at all anywhere in Chicago and Bottega Veneta almost never goes on sale!

Beth, do you turn the world on with your smile?

You tell me R139, you sniveling little moron!

R139 she was well known in Lake Forest for her smirk, NOT her smile.

Beth, did you charm Mr. Herman? By the way, everyone knows it's a euphemism, so don't be coy.

Kate Lawrence could outcunt Beth Jarrett any day. It was no contest. Beth was strictly an amateur.

Beth, it is well known that you try and pay for $0.30 cab rides by writing checks.

How declasse!

Why do you keep track of the mechanic staffing at C&S? What did you do to Little Harry that made him flee to Skokie? What did you mean by saying the new mechanic was "awkward", and were you at all concerned that Calvin might figure out what you meant by that?

Beth, how do you take a nothing day and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?

Admit it, you poisoned pippin the dog next door after he pooped on your precious lawn.

Did you put razor blades in the candy apples you gave out to the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?

Are you upset that Conrad is dating that trashy Jeanine Pratt with her lower close house and all that stuff she did she's ashamed of, plus that odd performance on Downton Abbey.

Beth, do you like spunk?

This latest round of questions aren’t even worth dignifying with an answer.

What kind of a mother goes to Spain and Portugal when her son tries to kill himself? We’re they non-refundable tickets?

Ordinary People is currently being broadcast over the air here in NYC on channel 5.2. But I'm not watching it. Have seen it too many times. I'm watching channel 5.4 which is showing The Frog Prince with Clive Revill as The King and Aileen Quinn of Annie fame in one of her handful of adult roles as Princess Zora. Astonishingly, deliciously bad.

I would fly to Houston just to escape that bedroom wallpaper.

If Buck had leaned on that sideboard, would he have got the stink eye as well?

[quote]I would fly to Houston just to escape that bedroom wallpaper.

Scholars don't accept it, but Oscar Wilde's last words were allegedly:

"Either that wallpaper goes or I do."

Why the fuck didn’t you charm Mr. Herman, Beth? You have to charm him to get anywhere with that man.

How do you do the perfect helmet hair? Isn't that more Houston than Lake Forest?

Was 'the nice clean break' about the plate or your rejection of maternal love for Conrad?

I'm watching it now. I always wondered what Beth's relationship was with Conrad before Buck died.

Why didn't you sign up for a sequel? Was the thought of Conrad being happy and well adjusted and actually wanting to like you just too much for you to stand?

R161 to be honest, I barely ever remembered I even had another son named Conrad when Buck was alive.

Do you ever wish you'd been born a coal miner's daughter so you'd have got that Oscar?

R154 here. The Frog Prince ended so I switched back to Ordinary People. But that's ended and now Funny Lady has come on. i would watch it again but it's late and I don't think I have the strength.

^ Oops, sorry! it's actually Funny Girl, not Funny Lady, maybe I'll stay up to watch some of it. Sorry, I won't post here again about it.

That Loretta Lynn had a heart of gold. You Beth um well ... I’ll get back to you.

Beth, where do like shopping best. Walmart or Target?

Beth, do you still keep in touch with your first husband, Rob? The one who wrote for television.

Beth, since you now live in TX, did you vote for Ted or Beto? Inquiring minds, yada yada.

R147 Come over for a visit, and we'll talk all about it over some French Toast.

Don’t be fucking late either.

Beth, you're a cunt.

Beth, you're in Texas now?

How will you make it on your own?

This world is awfully big. And girl, this time you're all alone.

R156 Buck would have never leaned on the sideboard.

R74 I was thinking how could a son of mine be such a pussy.

This is the kind of DL thread I adore.

R15 Once, in the middle of Nieman Marcus. What a sale that was.

I'm disappointed with so many questions about my private personal life. I want to talk more about current events. Like I'm said to see Megyn Kelly leave her show. She was so warm and friendly.

^^^ sad to see ….

Beth, when you spread your legs for Calvin, was it Buck you were thinking of?

Beth, is it true that after divorcing Calvin you flirted with disaster by moving to New York, converting to Judaism, marrying again, and adopting a son named Mel?

All the while maintaining your control freak impulses but under the new guise of being overly emotive and high strung... with the help of a good bra?

R181 if you had paid attention to the comments I made in my post at R122 you would know that I rarely had to spread my legs for Calvin. He was an overly sensitive sissy who could never fulfill my sexual needs.

Hence my transference of these feelings to Buck as I expressed in R98 relative to another topic. Next!

To whomever suggested I might have moved to Hawthorne Woods, I ask, HOW DARE YOU? Do I look like an 'ethnic'? Of course, I did downsize and now reside in Winnetka...but on the east side of Green Bay Road, of course.

R174 I’m going to answer this while using my famous eat shit grin which comes in handy when I want to say something extremely rude while maintaining an air of friendliness.

LICK MY HAIRY CUNT!! I already told you I’m sick of that Mary shit!

Beth, do you think Dr. Berger was using Connie to get into your panties? After all, it is all about you, isn't it?

Hi Beth. Remember me! We shared a bunk at Camp Omwak ages ago. Arnold and I will be in Lake Forest next week for the National Camp Counselors Association annual meeting, so let's try and grab lunch. I can't wait to discuss old camp stories with you.

Beth, if what you said at R122 is true does that means the rumors that you routinely pegged Cal with a strap on dildo are also true?

Beth, has anyone ever brought out the whore in you? I mean, just really chipped away at your cold, WASPy facade and just brought out your inner slut? If you say Buck, I'm going to hurl the french toast I just ate for breakfast.

I’m going to answer R186 and R189 at the same time. Yes and Yes.

I showed up at Dr. Berger’s office to confront him for ruining my family and my marriage with his fawning, indulgent behavior towards Connie. Although I had no idea what he was saying, when he angrily expressed his desire to shtup my shiksa tuches with his schmeckel and lick my shmunda I have to admit I suddenly felt aroused.

Days later after taking a Berlitz crash course on Yiddish, I rushed back to Dr. Bergers office wearing a tennis dress and no panties to take him up on the offer.

Why was Conrad such a fucking sad-sack loser? Lord, he was such a downer, I don't blame you for being distant with him. Your Buck must've been a sight to behold. A great-looking alpha masculine winner teeming with testosterone and virility who made many a pussy drip.

Did you fuck and charm Mr. Herman ?

Carol? Beth Jarrett here and I just wanted to say that I love Connie and fully agree with his decision to quit the swim team and focus on his emotional well being.

And I really don’t appreciate your gossipy, bitchy tone in trying to bring it up behind Connie’s back to me!

Anyone remember the TV movie "Doing Time on Maple Drive"? Bibi Besch's character Lisa was practically based off of Beth Jarrett. She hated her gay son and her alkie son. She couldn't deal with anything shattering the perfect facade she built for public consumption.

I wanted to share with you boys a family snapshot of me discussing my wants and needs with Cal. He was never able to give me what I really needed, but I still love this picture because of how great I look in that Fair Isle sweater!

Beth, are you capable of human emotion?

Yes R196 but only when it serves to hurt others and protect my fragile ego. I think everybody is that way, I’m just more honest about it!

I would encourage all of you to see reply #20 on this linked DL thread. If only Cal has actually agreed to the trip it wouldn’t have been a novel. Thank you.

Oh, dear... I meant to type “had”. ^

Instead of pulling away Calvin, you should have done damage control to discredit Annie Marshall, by telling everyone at the party that she's a hopeless alcoholic and that she was sprawled on the stairs again, picking at food, guzzling wine and getting in people's way.

Beth, let’s assume you’re a Republican. Do you approve of Donald Trump?

Why wouldn't a WASP like you not know the lyrics to What I Did for Love?

Beth, did you wish Conrad had drowned instead of Buck?

Would you have been mad at Buck if he had hung on and Connie had let go?

Or were you mad at Connie because he got blood everywhere when he slit his wrists?

You let Calvin drive home from the party knowing he was drunk.

Why?

Beth, how did it feel losing the Best Actress Academy Award to that hillbilly Loretta Lynn?

Beth, where did you go after your divorce? Did you remarry? Do you have a relationship with Conrad?

Beth, who in their right mind calls their kid Buck?

It's no wonder the kid had issues.

R206 There are many theories about this such as R85 and R182... and I’m not sure if I want to confirm which of them is true or if the real story is something else entirely. It’s better to keep a bit of mystery about oneself, right?

That’s so typical of you Beth. You always avoid the problems and refuse to answer questions. Apparently, you piss ice water.

Since you wish to only discuss current events, are you a Republican and do you approve of Donald Trump?

What was more upsetting to you the night Conrad tried to kill himself?

Was it that the ambulance and cops came and the neighborhood knew your business or was it that the entire neighborhood saw you WEARING A SCARF????????????????

R194 Yes, I saw Doing Time on Maple Drive. Definitely modelled on Ordinary People & The Great Santini. The father's (James Sikking) transformation at the end wasn't believable, while I had no problem accepting that the Beth clone (but a blonde) stayed a bitch. Jim Carrey & Lori Loughlin were the best actors in it.

Conrad was a SAD-SACK LOSER!!!

Beth, did Liz Hubbard and Meg Mundy read off cue cards? They perfected the cue card acting style on The Doctors, and I'm not sure knew any other acting style. If so, did that make you mad?

As a matter of fact, my sister did die in Idaho. Flowers, or at least a card, would have been nice.

Nobody cares about that family on Maple Drive R212 whoever they are! This is MY thread about MY family!

Beth, are you an anti-Semite, or just your Mother.

R207 his name was Jordan Buckman Jarrett and we called him "Buck" or “Bucky”.

Buckman was my mother’s maiden name and in the social circles in which I grew up, and am still a part of, its very common to use a distinctive family last name as a child’s first or middle name and then derive an affectionate nick name from it.

Oh never mind, you would never understand... you probably grew up in Naperville for gods sake!

Well R216 I certainly don’t make it a habit to befriend many people that live in Glencoe or Skokie, if you know what I mean.

It was only 3 blocks R204 and it happened in 1980. Get over it!

Hi Beth,

School records show Buck was involved in an alleged 'homosexual' incident with another boy.

There were many reports that your voice could be heard from the Principals office yelling 'THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN IN MY FAMILY!

Yet, according to supposed friends, you blamed Conrad for what seems like no discernible reason and grounded HIM for a month!

Precious Bucky got off scot-free.

You're a terrible mother!

Since it was asked twice at R142 and R192, I guess I’ll answer.

No, I never fucked Mr. Herman... I would just make a point of wearing tight beige gabardine slacks with no panties in order to display some camel toe while he was working around the house. The unspoken promise of seeing that was all it took to get him up to Lake Forest whenever we needed any help.

Beth, I broke a plate earlier today and thought of you. Thank you for this AMA.

R59 Cal you know very well that the reason my “fish” was dry was due to early onset menopause!

Why did you think it was a good idea to give out unwrapped caramel apples for Halloween? Did you expect that the children would hold them in one hand for the rest of their night?

Is it true Buck let himself drown because he couldn't take you always trying to feel him up when he was sleeping?

Beth, c'mon, you're all Buck this and Buck that, but Conrad isn't so bad.

Didn't you marry Gavin MacLeod after divorcing Calvin Jarrett?

This thread is DL at its best.

R201 you might be surprised to learn that I’m not very enamoured of today’s GOP and I loathe Trump.

However, it’s also true I couldn’t bring myself to vote for Hillary either. I played golf on Nov 7, 2016 and didn’t vote at all.

My dream candidate would have been another run by Romney in 2016 but that wasn’t meant to be. It’s a shame because I adore Ann and think she would have made a wonderful First Lady. Also my father Howard knew Mitt’s dad George growing up in Bloomfield Hills, Michigan.

I’m actually a very well connected woman even outside Lake Forest, but don’t like to talk about that very much because I consider it a PRIVATE matter!

[quote]School records show Buck was involved in an alleged 'homosexual' incident with another boy.

Well, that does fit the definition.

Beth, how would Robert Redford feel about DL turning his very serious-intentioned film into a camp classic?

Is it true, Beth, that Conrad once replaced a toilet roll with the ply folding under instead of over and as punishment you made him use the public restroom 2 miles away for a month.

Carol Lazenby told everyone that she thought Connie was a deviant loitering around public toilets when he was spotted by several of your circle VIP lady friends.

And you NEVER corrected this falsehood. Spouting IT'S A PRIVATE MATTER!! when people questioned you about it.

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

This Jarrett bitch ain't got shit on my ass.

This thread is pure DL GOLD! The best Ordinary People related thread EVAH!

You’re trying too hard, r233.

Dear Beth,

Carol Lazenby tells the story that at Buck's funeral, when you tossed the dirt onto Buck's coffin, you tossed it with a trajectory that would also hit Conrad in the face who was on opposite sides of the casket.

Some claim this to be an accident but Carol swears she saw a hint of a smirk on your face.

Do you deny it?

[quote]Also my father Howard knew Mitt’s dad George growing up in Bloomfield Hills, Michigan.

r229 Your father grew up in Bloomfield Hills, Beth, yet you have issues with people from Skokie and Glencoe?

How is your best friend Barbara Thorndyke doing ?

Beth during a warm, loving moment with Conrad.

I loved her warm jacket. ^

Beth, are you friends with Kellyanne Conway? What do you think of her? It seems like you two would be pals.

Apparently during 9/11, Beth was to remark it reminded her of when she found out Conrad had quit the swim team from, of all people, CAROL LAZENBY!

I'm told a "Baby Jane Hudson here" thread will appear soon?

Her and Beth would make great housemates.

We're all getting along just fine now, thank you very much. Conrad and I buried the hatchet years ago. But Calvin sure looks like a dictator of some dystopian hellscape.

Beth, is your diabeetus under control?

Carol and I finally got married in Palm Springs during the Dinah Shore Weekend. The golf was fabulous. Conrad sent a nice email congratulating us but he couldn’t make it since he was in Spain and Portugal. He promised to bring the grandchildren to see me someday. Calvin was dating his secretary. I hope he’s happy.

Beth, my dear, perhaps if you had applied a little discipline in your parenting skills, Buck and Conrad would not have taken such a rash, perilous boat trip. I've always maintained that discipline mixed with with love is such a good recipe.

Are u kidding R236? I thought the overlap between two favorite DL topics in R233 was pretty funny.

R245 what year is that picture from?

I DID NOT approve these moments being filmed. They are a PRIVATE MATTER!

Who filmed us at R251 Conrad? Your little bitch girlfriend Jeannine? Tell me!

[quote]Beth during a warm, loving moment with Conrad

You damn me with faint praise, R240.

Beth, does anyone in Lake Forest know you were the original Hotpoint girl? I'm sure you and your ilk frown on "show people." I wonder how Carol Lazenby and your other friends would react to that "checkered past" you thought you had escaped unnoticed.

Beth, you obviously photoshopped that picture of the “Happy Jarett Family”. You wanted to present a pristine family image for your neighbors in Lake Forest. If you’ve reconciled with Conrad, why is his wife Jeanine standing between you? Tell us, do you hate her, as well? She’s distinctly middle class. She has a modest home and she runs around in dungarees! Buck would’ve NEVER married her.

Also, Dr. Berger is featured, thereby throwing your anti-Semitic, uptight mother into cardiac arrest. Calvin is so miserable being in the same room with you that he can’t hide his contempt.

Also, I’m shocked that Robert Redford is in the photo. He offends your right of center politics with his left wing Democratic leanings. Did you photoshop him into the picture to show the world that you’re environmentally friendly?

By the way, your dress looks like Rorschach Test.

Hi Beth, I know Karen never got to star in A 1000 Clowns because of her early demise, but did you really have to send the cast a card saying all the best with your 999 Clowns production. Some thought it a tad insensitive.

That was a VERY PRIVATE MATTER, R256!!

The photo is from Vanity Fair, 2011 r250.

I guess you all got tired of me, just like Cal?

Beth... Fuck, Marry, Kill with Connie's friends Lazenby, Van Buren and Stillman.

Politically, we know that Beth is in favor of post-birth abortion. Her annual contributions to Planned Parenthood are made in the name of Conrad and signed with "if only."

Beth, did you fear that Conrad was a little light in the Top-Siders? Or were you satisfied that though he had an absent father at least he didn't have a dominating mother? I know you were spared the confirmation of seeing Conrad choose to leer at the swim team parading on the deck instead of watching the event.

[quote]I guess you all got tired of me, just like Cal?

Beth, I hear you callin'. But I can't come home right now . . .

Beth, when you think of the freedom you now have with Conrad and Cal no longer hanging around your neck like albatrosses, do you ever get the urge to smile and toss your hat in the air?

What the fuck are you two doing in my new house?!

What are you two up to? Annie, can you believe the green she chose for this carpet?! Ha, ha!

Oh yeah, by the way, our marriage is imploding. Ha, ha, ha!!

Beth, does your pussy stink?

R267 Buck! My precious! No, no darling it doesn’t stink anymore because I had it steamed.

It’s a new thing I heard about at a “goop” conference I went to at The Ritz Carlton Water Tower Place.

Beth honey do you know you know can get help at the Mental Guidance Center? It's done Belle Marmillon a world of good! My Shelby's loss was more poignant than Buck's by the way but love your brown football helmet!

Hi Beth,

is it true that you smile first thing in the morning just to get it over and done with for the day?

Beth, are you aware you were the inspiration for a hit song by KISS? The vocal by Peter Kriss echoes Cal Jarrett's attempts to reach you in your solitary grief but like the song's titular Beth, you're so hopeless and alone :(

Does Cal fuck you on a regular basis? I don't think so since you're so uptight. Was Buck giving it to you? Is that why you can't deal with his death? Good dick is hard to come by.

Why didn’t you go by Betty, dear?

R272, meet R263.

Mother, why were you at the Trump rally?

You would NEVER see me at a Trump rally.

Buck would never have solicited questions.

Live Buck wouldn't R277.

Dead Buck can throw caution to the wind.

I always wondered if Beth wSnt much of an acting job for MTM. She had her son and her sister kill the self and we found towards the end of her life she was on the wrong side of politics.

Mary Tyler Moore admitted she used some of her own aspects of her personality for the role of Beth Jarrett. This was regarding Beth’s expectations of perfection of herself and from others.

Yet, she said the inspiration for Beth was her father, George Tyler Moore. He has Beth’s personality and outlook on life. Having read MTM’s autobiography, it’s true.

For all of the fame and fortune MTM had, endured the death of her son, which was accidental. She was heartbroken. Then there was death of her 21 year old sister, which might have been suicide, and the early death of her brother John, at age 47, due to illness. It was very tragic.

R275 meet this post.

I give you credit for moving on, but you certainly had rotten luck with your children.

Whatever the name of that dog is, Pepper or Pippin, whatever. It is not a nice dog.

R280 she really did have so much shit happen to her. I never thought of MTM so much as a bitch (or a diva) as underneath it all just not a happy person. And more so as she got older.

Beth Jarrett, on the other hand...

When I’ve seen this movie more recently, I find Beth to be a more sympathetic character.

Good thread everyone - smart and funny.

Mother's don't seduce their sons! Oh, hi, Bucky.

Did you ever apologize to your brother and his wife for that fight you had with Calvin on the golf course?

^No I never apologized, but how about my fab Brooks Brothers color blocked golf skirt? Jealous bitches?

Beth, are you vacationing in Pinrhurst Myrtle Beach? You’ve been very quiet lately.

R287 That would be "mothers" of course. I was a little tipsy after having mai tais with Carol, Jane and Betty when I wrote that. And why doesn't DL have an edit feature? Does DL want to hurt me like Conrad?

Beth, can’t you see anything except in terms of how it affects you?

Beth, what does it feel like to be the last 'success' of MTM's career? Everything after, be it feature or tv didn't succeed.

Hey, Beth,

I hear that even cutting up onions can't make you shed a single watery tear.

I was also told that your anguished expression was not for Conrad when he was put in the back of the ambulance, but that the neighbor next door whom you despise was watching the whole unfolding spectacle.

That your chance of being the local ladies Golf Club President was now in jeopardy to your rival next door neighbour.

R294 It was mortifying. The scarf was Hermes, of course. So at least there was that.

Dear Beth I want my Canon back. You stole it, telling that sob story of your loveless marriage.

Boo-hoo. So you married the wrong guy and thought that having children and conspicuous suburban consumption could save your marriage.

And then your favorite Buck dies, along with all your hopes and desires, and leaves you with what? A husband who hasn’t realized you don’t love him anymore because he never lived up to your expectations, and a surviving son you never loved because he could never be like the son you loved more, Buck.

You should have played it just that once, at Buck’s funeral, and left it at that. But you just couldn’t leave it alone, could you?

So. Two hours and four minutes of it, over and over. Along with your so-sad stories of broken dinner plates, shade from Carol Lazenby, and a cancelled Christmas in London. Fortunately for you, you took out travel insurance.

And it pleases me to tell you that, had you gone, yes, it would have been just out of Dickens. You would have had a good Christmas, your best Christmas, in fact. Ever. Awww, too bad.

My Canon. Yes. You ruined it. And now, no one can listen to my Canon without thinking of you and your wretched family. You make me sick. And that says a lot because I’m dead.

— Pachelbel

Beth, do you understand how extraordinary it is that a long dead composer is calling you out on your bullshit?

Beth, I have three words for you, dear. Narcissistic personality disorder.

Dear Beth

You’re the reason Conrad quit the swim team. And you’re the one to blame for the team losing the finals, and for me losing the best piece of high school ass I ever wanted to have.

I saw how Lazenby and Conrad checked each other out in the locker room, their dolphin smooth teenage bodies in those tight, tight Speedos. They’d see me look at them. And they’d smile. Another two weeks of that, and I would have had them both: Conrad plowing Lazenby, and me plowing Conrad. With Stillman watching. From my office. Beating off, while smelling his own jock.

Hard to believe it’s been 38 years and I still play that scenario over and over again in my mind. But no one can ever take that away from me. Not you, Beth, and not even the Illinois Department of Corrections.

Dreaming is free.

And when Carol Lazenby told you Buck had quit the School Choir unbeknownst to you, you didn't bat an eyelid!

You said something along the lines that, well, choir is for sissies, anyway.

Lo and behold you signed up Conrad for it a week later and you know he can't sing all that well!

What was the deal?

You wanted to sit in the audience with your friends and point to Conrad and say look at the tone deaf sissy over there.

What a bitch!

Beth, I think you're an okay broad. Like you, I'm not real "huggy-feely" and had I been sentient in the 70s, all that Est'ian "get in touch with your inner child" horseshit would have appalled me as much as it undoubtedly did you.

I mean, of COURSE we all have a certain amount of sympathy for poor Conrad, but there's something to be said for pinning on a grin and making the best of it. And for the record, you're right about French toast.

Beth, what did you mean when you said, "Buck would have never BEEN in the hospital....!"

You just trailed off and didn't finish your thought. So we're all waiting.

Finish the sentence: Buck would have never BEEN in the hospital IF????

Where, then, would Buck have BEEN, Beth?!

For Conrad's birthday, Beth sent him a gift voucher for the hospital gift shot with an expiry date the day before his birthday.

When he complained, Beth thought about the time Connie said his depression was like being inside a deep hole and so she sent him a bow laced shovel.

Such a cow.

R299 Beth would be shocked by Lazenby's involvement in such a tryst but not Conrad's.

Poor Conrad..

Grew up, had five kids, but moved into a haunted house.

Kid just never got a break.

Beth, what are your Thanksgiving plans?

Arff! Arff Arff!

Is the fish too dry?

R307 I'm not cooking this year since I'm in Houston at my brother's. My sister-in-law is still angry with me for something I allegedly said about their pool when Calvin and I were down here last year. She's acting just like Conrad.

R108 Perfection!

Buck never would've bumped this played-out thread from two months ago

[quote]Anyone remember the TV movie "Doing Time on Maple Drive"? Bibi Besch's character Lisa was practically based off of Beth Jarrett.

No, it was practically based [italic]on[/italic] Beth Jarrett. [italic]On[/italic].

Beth, how are you doing with quarantine? Are Calvin and Conrad suffocating you?

This is just so fucking typical of you Beth, isn't it?

To field questions and then never answer.

You disgust us!

The real Beth Jarrett never would have IGNORED questions!!!

Beth, no plans yet to get a pet?

How's the Hartmann luggage holding out? I have a friend who sears by it - says it lasts forever.

Was it really "a nice clean break," Beth?

Would Beth be a Trump supporter?

Beth and Kate from “Family” would hate each other because they’re exactly the same.