Tips for dealing with potentially difficult strangers

An ex-therapist (who I found out wasn't licensed) suggested saying, "You're absolutely right!" to end an argument with someone. In retrospect, that seems super passive-aggressive.

My white friend told me this with regard to younger African-American people:

Keep your head down, don't offend. Eye contact may offend. Pretend not to notice them or really anyone else in the vicinity. Pretend you're playing with your phone, so they don't get upset with you for either noticing or actively ignoring them (being seemingly distracted with your phone is neither of those two offenses).

OP, I find that you need only to raise your hand like Mary Wells in “Stop, in the Name of Love”, while strongly stating “Nein!”, they will leave you alone. As long as they don’t hear you speaking English. This works in Germany, too, oddly enough.

Muslim women: do not look in their direction. Do not come within 10 feet of them, their shopping cart (e.g., Costco), or their children (regardless of their children's zipping around all over the place - you must actively avoid their randomly running towards you).

Fail at these, worst-case, they'll accuse you if Islamophobic aggression or having intended to sexually assault them. Because they're so irresistible and they're precious, delicate, exotic flowers.

I go with no eye contact while playing with your phone. But if they make contact go with being very calm, non threatening and agreeable. It's ok to let them win whatever argument they think is so important.

If you're about to join a queue, and someone seemingly possibly volatile is also walking towards the queue, ALWAYS slow down and let them join the queue first. Or even pretend you weren't intending to join the queue and waking past it and joining another or waiting until a few people have also joined.

If you reach the queue first and join it, it may be perceived as oppression and/or theft. You might be verbally attacked.

Headphones. Wear them. Don't need to play music even. Just cover your ears. Pretend you're messing with Spotify. Makes you seen oblivious and so not threatening or offensive.

Don't make eye contact. There is nothing normal about this behavior that screams SOCIOPATH!!! or they could be on drugs. Predators perceive the eye contact as a threat or a dare and it makes them want to take you on. You DO NOT want to go there.

Also, being distracted as R2 suggested is a good idea but not to the point where you are oblivious to your surroundings. You want to appear aware, but emotionless as well. Don't show any emotion one way or the other. Straight poker face is best with a twinge of rage. When I "poker face" if they are around me, I look like I am a walking time bomb, unpredictable, when I'm actually not at all like that but still look like I could fucking explode at any second. They don't want to deal with that, especially the unpredictability, so they wait for someone who looks like an easy target, scared or confused, or who is making eye contact with them so that they have a reason to confront them 'What you looking at bitch?" and start trouble.

These people are fucked up. If they aren't sociopathic, then their brain is rotted out from drugs and alcohol.

Shriek "I COMMAND you to STOP!" and hold up your palm. Although this didn't really work for LaWanda DuMore.

If there's no time to start playing with your phone, act like you just remembered something and start pretending to look for something in your bag. Or act annoyed while pretending to look for something in your bag and pockets.

Also try being 6'4" and weighing 250 pounds. This usually keeps them away.

I ran into one these today. Walking out of work I sneezed and immediately heard another sneeze. As I was walking I sneezed again (the sun!) and heard another sneeze, I coughed and hear another cough. Weird right? As I was walking I saw a woman with a shopping cart looking at me - very angry - she said - Bitch, shit hole, dirty fucker - they let you out like that? I kept walking toward another entrance to my building. I turned around when I was almost at the door. She was about 6 feet behind me! She followed me inside and kept it up. The guards did nothing. Naturally.

You should have turned and screamed "Guards! Seize her!" and then absconded.

Never speak up for anyone else expressing annoyance at bad behavior. The person behaving badly is already showing that they don't care what others think and is therefore more likely to be violent.

This guy was a moron, agreeing with someone who said the lady should turn down her phone's volume as she played Candy Crush with the volume all the way up.

R13- if only I were that quick witted.

Do not live or work in a city or take public trans. Live and work in a comfortable, affluent suburban town. You will never encounter this type of uncivilized behavior.

If you're kind of femme, don't speak.

That's true R16. I have never seen anyone act crazy or hostile in an affluent town.

Although I have seen entitlement there, where they can be snobby and act like they are better than everyone or rude behavior talking loudly on their cellphone acting all important. But never hostility or rage, where I felt in danger, which I have only experienced in NYC and SF and I am sure also occurs in other major cities. It happens a lot in NYC. Sometimes even in broad daylight, especially on public transit.

Just... Avoid the train.

A well-timed hiss scares away all comers!

The reason most inconsiderate/hostile people play loud music is to get a rise out of people and then when they are asked to lower the volume it gives them reason to start the fight that they wanted to start in the first place. That's usually the whole point of them playing loud music. They're just waiting for someone to complain.

The crazed woman on the train at R14 should have been pushed off the train. That's not the first time she went off like that and won't be the last. Unless someone stops her. For good.

I'd stay: Stop being a prickly paranoid asshole.

R22, we're not masochists. We don't want to be screamed at or assaulted.

Look them straight in the eye, note their clothing or situation or such and loudly proclaim You'a clerk behind a counter, or you're riding in a public conveyance, or you're in phony Gucci, CUT THE ATTITUDE..

As they are ranting at you pull their pants down. It will defuse the situation every time. Once saw it work on the NYC subway with a crazy that was getting in some innocent bystanders face.

I must correct you r3 , "Stop In The Name Of Love" was sung by The Supremes, led by Diana Ross, not Mary Wells.

No, people with OP's attitude are going out looking for trouble, not the other way around. Other people aren't the difficult ones, you are.

R25 That's what I was thinking and wishing would have happened at R14 when the crazy psycho-bitch kept screeching over and over "Kiss my ass, kiss my fucking ass" 20 times. I was hoping someone would have pulled her pants down exposing her fat ass and pretended to be kissing it. And then everyone applauds and laughs at her.

[R27], have you ever taken public transit in Los Angeles? You might re-think what you just wrote if you take the bus or trains in L.A....

If I'm on a bus or train and am approached, I find that staring at people and remaining silent works in many cases. No matter what they say or yell, I keep staring, remain silent. If they persist, I move away slowly, never taking my eyes off them. This seems to disarm them, probably because they think that they've engaged someone even crazier than they are.

On the street, I ignore everyone. Walk past, walk around anyone planting themselves in front of me, never stop and respond. If they persist, I scream stop or get the away from me . This works very well in Europe's major cities, where tourists are the preferred targets of thieves.

Like many things in life, just follow Diana’s example.

I'm very gay and only interested in entertaining myself in public. Please fuck with me. I'll have fun.

[quote]Also try being 6'4" and weighing 250 pounds. This usually keeps them away.

Being 5'4" and 350 lbs tends to keep people away, too.

Get away from them ASAP

Present hole

Note, if someone "like that" hits you for being "too gay", aim for the JOINTS like the KNEES.

So, just how many paranoid, racist , bigoted morons who spend their days searching for stories to be offended by do we have here?

He's dressed like a malnourished street youth, he's basically had osteoperosis since the age of 20 due to eating shit since /being kicked out/ of his parents house, if even.

Joints.

And also hit fucking harder and put your back into it. And if he's jut giving you brain damage, fucking kick him in the balls then take him out when he hits the floor. Fucking waste him. Brain damage = you can now go for throat / genetalia / etc. Because they will possibly kill you.

*genitalia

R2 Don't think so. Lives in Harlem 1996, and as a very white guy was blading down to Central Park one Saturday morning, when Jamaican voice shouted"White guy get the fuck out of Harlem". Fuck this bullshit, I thought. looking about, I spied 5 blacks sitting on a stoop so I blade over, ask who said that, and the guy owned up. In my strongest Irish accent I said " I'll fuck off back to my island, if you fuck off back to yours." He looked at me, lost for words, and his mates were waiting for the next move. I added, "and by the way, if you think I'm white, you haven't seen my ass yet". I turned, pulled my shorts down and mooned. "Now go fuck yourself." He was clearly gobsmaked, but his friends just cracked up. I never had a problem again from anyone. Skin colour didn't matter. They were people, and one was an idiot.

I find "Fuck Off" or "Get The Fuck Out Of My Face" works quite well too. I also carry Sabre "mace" on my keyring, and manage to survive in Chicago.

I go anywhere I want to go, look at anyone I want to look at when in public. I don't try to offend anyone or upstage anyone or get over on anyone, but I stand my ground when I know I'm in the right. If someone decides to challenge me for whatever reason I'm more than happy to have a go right back at them. In the few occasions in my long life I've had anyone say anything untoward to me in public I've just stared at them and started laughing before walking away. It gets 'em every time.

Avoid, stay calm. Be kind.

And I should also say, when I look in a stranger's eyes in public I usually smile. Sort of a silent "hello I hope you're having a good day".

If there is a crazy person walking towards me, guess who they want to engage? Yes, me. Even if there are 20 people around. This is when I have left my guard down because I'm normally very friendly and perhaps a safe target. I've since learned that when I'm walking down an unfamiliar street or in a new city, I keep my eyes focused ahead and look like I have some place to go. Doing my best not to look lost. If someone approaches me I immediately go into the first shop or restaurant. Never engage. Don't speak. No eye contact. If on a bus or train, just get off at the next stop. If someone (other than an elderly couple) asks for directions, just say, "sorry". People who want to you sign a petition do the same. It never, ever is to your advantage to be helpful and nice, even though you want to be.

Sometimes, it is.

Shriek a spell in Latin and point a trembling finger at them. Then, leave.

So why do people oppose gentrification?

I carry a tactical flashlight combined with a taser. Iraq heavy but it's great protection.

[quote] So why do people oppose gentrification?

Because lunatics, the poor, and the scum of the earth all deserve a place to live too.

Be careful not to touch said stranger. If you do, in anyway, and the other person is a lawyer, they’ll sue you.

I keep my headphones ,hat,shades on. Head down feign sleep. If all this fails shank em.

[quote] R49: So why do people oppose gentrification?

When I moved in to my home, 25 years ago, there were 2 burnt out buildings across the street, and more around, elsewhere in the area. The Gays starts moving in to the area, displacing the Blacks who had been the majority in this area. I used to love breakfast at the local joint on weekends, as it was always full of last night’s partiers. The burnt out neighborhood buildings were rehabbed.

Finally, the Gays moved along, toots; and modern-day yuppies starts displacing the Gays in larger numbers. Now it’s full of banker-types: young couples with their nannies and baby carriages everywhere.

As a result, my place is now worth 10 times what I paid for it. I, personally, don't oppose gentrification, though I miss the old crowd. A problem for some is that it is now up an incredibly costly neighborhood.to buy into, Otherwise, the displaced people who can no longer afford the neighborhood maybe among those who object to gentrification.

R54 The fossil.

Years ago, I boarded a bus and saw an empty seat. I had to slip past a person who was planted in the isle seat, to take the empty window seat. I buried myself in the local paper. Then we made another stop, and a Frau boarded and stood a few seats down the isle.

Enter player 3: this guy stands in the isle and says “excuse me”. I did not look up at first and didn’t even realize at first that he was referring to me. He kept repeating himself ‘excuse me..excuse me”, in a fake English accent. Finally I looked up.

Player 3: Excuse me, if the Queen Mother was standing here, Would you offer her your seat?

I looked down the isle, past a half dozen people who were closer to the newly boarded Frau. Obviously he just wanted to talk with me.

Me: the Queen Mother’s dead.

Player 3: Quite, but if the Queen was here.

Me: oh, I don’t think she takes public transportation.

Player 3: But if it was your Mother, or your sister,

Me: my mother’s dead, and I don’t have a sister.

Player 3: but if it was...

Me: (I interrupted) have you been drinking?

Player 3: I may hav had a little sherry ...

Me: “Because you stink of liquor” as I slid past the passenger in the isle seat and walked to the opposite side of the bus. Meanwhile, I can hear him blathering about the Queen Mother.

R55, oh, please, just call me Mr. Brontosaurus.

Aren't those women with the head things supposed to be passive?

R57 Sig. Gentile Brontosaurus

One of the best ways to shut them down is to look at them curiously, then say, "Don't I know your mother? I think she and I go to the same church."

The other thing is to learn martial arts. Since I'm a red belt, I just stand my ground and agree with them. I know if I had to I can put someone down.

Has anyone addressed the OP photo? Muslims don't believe in Valentine's Day??

[quote] Muslims don't believe in Valentine's Day??

I don't think they are much into saints.

Here in Australia, you don’t want to hear “What are you looking at?” from a stranger. This means they want to fight so you have two choices, put up your dukes or piss off as fast as you can.

r62 most people don't think or care about the saint and aren't Catholic. It's just an excuse to eat chocolate and buy expensive jewelry or watches for your significant other. Then, have wine and sex at home by the fire. What's wrong with that?

r56 how attractive was he?

[quote]person who was planted in the isle seat,

[quote]stood a few seats down the isle

[quote]this guy stands in the isle

[quote]I looked down the isle

[quote]I slid past the passenger in the isle

R56 wins DL's weekly Really Fucking Stupid award.

I worked with guy who claimed that he was always approached by weirdos in the streets. Finally got to see it in action. On a 25 minute walk he was clearly spotted and approached by 3 street people. It was bizarre how they focused and targeted him. His method was to stretch out his arm and yell NO! at them. Then they would cower and turn away from him. Sooooo strange.

In the 80's I had to walk through Hell"s Kitchen and the old Times Square district to get to train after visiting a friend. As I was 5'5' and a chick it was daunting at certain hours. My solution was to carry good quality collapsible umbrella and swing it like a night stick while mumbling loudly. Worked like charm. People stepped side for me.

I had a crazy guy come up to me once mumbling and looking at me like he wanted to hit me. For some reason I growled and barked at him. I’ll never forget the look on his face as he turned and ran.

She is screaming at this total stranger who didn't provoke this assault "Why you act motherfucker, why?"

Crazy bitch should be behind bars, not allowed to roam free and fuck with people.

I carry a folding knife, just in case.