Are gays bitter towards attractive gay guys?

Maybe it's just the ones that you find yourself around. I know a few super fem gay guys who, while very annoying, don't really seem bitter toward other gay guys. Perhaps they're bitter in life?

The people I know that seem either bitter or envious of other gay guys are generally that way in life, period - not just toward other gays.

Yeah for reference I am from New Zealand. We have a thing here called “Tall Poppy Syndrome” in which people like to cut down anybody more successful or high status than themselves. It’s really just a result of a socialist history. If you drive a luxury car in New Zealand you might even be considered a ‘rich prick’ despite being middle class. Potentially this is part of the issue though, not all of it.

Oh, I got it - that's tough, OP!

I think gays fawn all over really attractive gay guys. Having said that, the most nasty, mean spirited guys always seem to be fem. They always have to get some kind of personal dig in. It makes them feel better if they can take someone down. I learned my lesson, I steer clear of them now at all costs. The always end up being jealous toxic friends.

Only the nasty effeminate ones. Most masc guys are cool and chill about attractive males.

There are some nasty masculine men, but most nasty vicious men are effeminate, when it comes to critiquing the looks of others.

I would agree some masculine men are assholes too. But usually the ones who are assholes are the ones who aren’t as masc as they wish they were, so they put on an act. Some fem guys are just straight rude bitches.

It's usually only the super queenie types who are like this, which is why I try to keep them at a distance.

Anyone remember the guy Andrew on 1 Girl 5 Gays? he's a perfect example of what's being discussed here.

I think the misery of many fem men leads some of them to try to bring others down to their level. They despise that which is popular and happy as a coping mechanism. But it makes them that much more disliked.

The masculine ones will just rape you.

The thing is fem guys usually have a witty sense of humor. That draws you in, but it soon turns into a weapon. I just don't like being around that kind of bitter nasty behavior, so I choose not to any time I spot that. Not saying all fem guys are like that, but a good majority seem to be.

I've met nasty fem gays and totally nice fem gays.

Not to single out races, but I noticed asian fem guys can be more bitchy. I think they ASSUME I’m racist just because I’m white? Or they ASSUME I’m not attracted to them? Ironically their attitude is what makes them ugly, not their race.

Fem guys were socialized differently than other males, and it shows. They often were socialized with catty girls and women, and identified with melodramatic, hypercritical, catty traits, while other males bonded together through sports or cooperative team environments. Fem guys tend to lack the chill and relaxed attributes many other guys have.

R14 "not to single out races" yet you did

I've never noticed that, R14 - now that I think about it, the couple of fem Asian gays I'm friends with aren't bitchy at all.

It's a generalization but it's true (for me) that the majority of handsome gay men I have met in my life (and I am an "elder gay") have not been particularly nice people. It's a cultural stereotype but they have based a great deal of their self worth on their physical appearance. And they have been wreckless, thoughtless and careless in their treatment of fellow gays. The more handsome the guys, the more likely they were assholes. Narcissistic, cruel and self serving. That is, until those same men aged out of being able to get by on their looks. I think we learn to be wary of "attractive" men, period. And I don't think that is a bad idea.

The thing with Asians R14 is they fetish white guys. Getting a white boyfriend is like buying a 20,000 purse. And trust me, they love showing off their stuff.

I am just an average looking guy, but the one time my friend took me into an all gay Asian bar, they were literally fighting with each other who could buy me a drink.

No Fats, No Fems, No Filipinos.

R19 lmaoooo true. I know so many asian gay men who refuse to date other Asians. It’s so awful

R18 you sound bitter hun

R19 you poor, delusional thing. That's cute, though, little buddy! Fantasies can be healthy for the mind from time to time.

Nobody likes me because I'm so popular!

Sometimes, when I'm just not willing to deal, I 'uglicize" myself. I'll put on a crappy wig or apply some zits or put in a set of crooked dingy teeth. It's such a relief to walk around without people bumping into me, to strike up an acquaintannce!

R19- When Asians guys obtain a white boyfriend especially if he's masculine and attractive it's a status symbol like owning a new Tesla.

I think this happens, in part, when an attractive person speaks with a less attractive one the less attractive one gets defensive because, although attracted to you, they expect you to reject them if they made a move, so they reject first.

I've heard of "Tall poppy syndrome" in the USA, though not frequently. I think this is the issue.

Certain guys (and this thread is pointing a lot to fem guys) do not feel like they are accepted and liked for the cards they've been dealt.

There are many ways to deal with it. Accepting it, going to the gym obsessively, having plastic surgery... but the easiest is to just cut other people down to feel better about yourself.

As for me, I do not have the highest self esteem but I am not rude towards good looking guys unless they seem like douche bags...in which case, I just avoid them. Sometimes my friends and I will roll our eyes about how "exclusive" they act (their endless instagram pictures on 100s of vacations, etc...) - is it because we can't take vacations? No. We can. it's more just like the excessive narcissism that seems to be present with good looking guys that we're responding to.

Gays are bitter toward everyone.

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful!

I'm not bitter at all about hot guys. But then I seem to be one of the few gay men out there with an honest assessment of what I look like and what I can get. I'm 43, a solid 5 (maybe a 6 on a good day), with an average dad bod (not fat but not gym built either). I made peace long ago with not being a stunner, and--as a result--I waste no time being bitter about the super hotties who don't want me. That's life, and I have no problem with it.

What DOES make me bitter are all the other average, middle-aged 5s/6s who feel entitled to 9s/10s, and constantly whine that the young hotties don't want them when they don't even want each other.

Average dudes could get laid or find dates so much easier if they'd take off their rose colored glasses, give themselves a good look in the mirror, and stop wasting their time chasing guys out of their league.

THAT'S what I'm bitter about. You hot 20- some things don't bother me in the least.

I hear you, R31. I have a few single friends like that, and when I try to set them up with someone who isn't a 9 or 10 they get annoyed or even insulted, ugh. After a while, I just give up trying.

Trying to set people up is not wise

R33, it eventually worked out for my two friends!

R32 I have given up trying on that front too, and absolutely dread going to clubs with my 40-something friends because of it.

Occasional clubbing would still be fun if it were about going out with friends "SATC-style" and just having a fun night out. But instead it turns into a night of my friends looking like pathetic old trolls hitting on and groping twinks who don't want them, and then them feeling hurt and dejected and turning catty. All while completely ignoring the guys they could actually score with (though those guys are also exclusively eyeing the twinks).

I'm soooo over it.

Most likely it Is Jealousy .

I'd never been bitter about good looking guys until I moved to NYC. It's not what they say that bothers me; it's what they don't say and how they act.

Many completely ignore you if you're not at their attractiveness level. Or, when you are talking to one, they are looking all around for the next most attractive person to talk to instead of you. It's weird when you realize, at the end of a conversation, they have no idea what you said and won't remember you 30 seconds later.

I find that hot guys act very differently when at home, in the city, like NYC or LA, than they do on vacation.

Hot guys are far more willing to talk with you (and have sex with you) in Fire Island or P-town than the same guys would in the city.

SATC style?

Fire Island? Oh Boy

How did this instantly turn into a "fem are assholes and masc can do no wrong" thread?

Bitter people are generally unhappy and lash out at anyone and everyone over anything. Attractiveness is just one of those things.

Life is too short, avoid assholes.

Most gays are just bitter by being beaten down by society as a whole. The great looking ones get to show their superiority in this small community by throwing that bitterness onto those who are less pretty.

In life, being physically attractive is an advantage, because most people respond well to you.

I've never experienced gay men being mean to me, or anyone else, because they were good looking. It's not like they automatically turn handsprings and roll out the red carpet, but they give you the once over and seem to think, "Alright, this one's okay." They'll listen to what you say and give you the benefit of the doubt.

With a physically unattractive person, that wouldn't necessarily happen.

Not just a gay thing

[quote]And as you might expect, good-looking people of both genders run into jealousy – one study found that if you are interviewed by someone of the same sex, they may be less likely to recruit you if they judge that you are more attractive than they are.

Truth

Horrible

Yes.

Read Peter Kispert's essay at Salon.com titled : Living With A Gay Voice. It's the ONLY honest essay from an effeminate gay male about hating his voice and being jealous of gay men who look and ESPECIALLY sound straight. This perhaps explains the resentment and bitchiness from QUEENY gay males toward gay men who( without any effort) look and sound straight.

Hell no. I love fucking attractive gay guys.

Oh honey...welcome to our world.

Just a suggestion to the webmaster—I think they should “archive” threads that are over 100 days old and you can no longer post on them.

I’m considered attractive and get picked on a lot. I can always see it coming. My therapist said I should avoid anyone who makes me feel defensive. And when someone shows signs early on of enjoying belittling me, to cut them out immediately. Those people are toxic and will always want to hurt you even when they act like they don’t. On a related know, there’s that type of gay that over-idealizes you. And when you show signs of not being interested, their worship turns to hostile disdain.

Lots of borderline personality disorders in the gay world.

That's life...for every Stanford, there's an Anthony.

[quote]Lots of borderline personality disorders in the gay world.

I think many here project who they are themselves onto others.

R51- You're posting here.

R52- I have a friend like that. He's become so resentful towards me. I once told him I thought a good looking cashier at Trader Joe's was flirting with me. His response was YOU NEED TO GET OUT MORE. He's not much of a friend anymore.

Yes and I shouldn’t be able too, R55.

No, but the old kaftan queens are salty towards women.

OP, I think the problem might be you trying to hang around toxic crowds.

The crowd you describe is usually heavily into the “scene” and the scene itself is cutthroat. In the scene you will get fucked one way or another. People in the scene want to have sex with you at any costs or treat you like you’re not worth a dime. There’s no in between.

Once you avoid the scene though, gay guys become much nicer and interesting regardless of their looks or masculinity. This goes for femme guys as well. Femme guys in the scene are the worst combination of everything. However, femme guys that don’t care about the scene tend to be genuinely nice and sweet guys. The ones in the scene are the ones who think life is a reality tv show and the bitchiest one gets ahead.

I remember meeting an attractive, fairly masculine guy who knew some friends of mine. I made a comment to him about liking the shoes he was wearing. Without a second thought he said to me, “most people like what’s in them.” Told me all I needed to know about him and that ended my connection. Also, I’ve found that really fem guys can get bitchy quickly when scorned by someone they’re interested in. Agree with previous posters that it probably has something to do with identifying with a feminine perspective of life.

People think just because you’re beautiful and popular, life is easy and fun. No one understood I had feelings too. I die knowing no one knew the real me.

Gays are only envious about other attractive gays. The only thing they get bitter about is when another gay who they feel is at their same level or beneath them appears to be having a better life than they are.

OP, the problem is tall poppy. It exists to some extent everywhere. It's not about socialism; it's about people trying to aggrandize themselves at the expense of others.

Being bitchy can be a defense mechanism: You are too attractive to like me so I'm going to reject you first.

I'm a not especially attractive gay guy (also elder) but I enjoy seeing and meeting attractive or very attractive guys. I appreciate their beauty. I'm grateful that they're around. After that, it's what kind of person they are.

What's the point of being bitter? It doesn't change anything or make the situation better.

[quote] The masculine ones will just rape you.

Oh, please do! (Then I guess it's not really rape)

R59 is spot on.

There comes a point where you don't feel being around bitchy people is the price worth paying for being part of what you're led to believe the community is. Also known as developing self-esteem.

So many of the nice gay guys aren't part of the scene, and when you get away from that you're so much happier.

And don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. Took me a long time to get the hang of that as I am non-confrontational as a rule and don't want to be viewed as being a problem. But when you think about it properly, there is nothing normal about their bitchy behaviour. Last time some cunt whispered something horrible to me at a drinks afternoon where he thought no one else could hear it, I just loudly turned to his housemate (my friend) and said: "Do you know what your friend just said to me?" The cunt shut up after that.

Sadly OP our community includes an uncomfortably large percentage of males who are very immature and petty. The guys who prance around and live their lives always in drama mode are more often the culprits. They are insanely jealous of anyone who has it better in life than they do. Back in the day it was so prevalent we had a term for it. We called it "queer envy". It was a level of envy that was far stronger than typical envy. But then we do always try to outdo everyone else, even when it's being total shits.

R68- Is queer envy in any way similar to VAGINA envy?

Being good looking and or hot is something gay guys desire . Being masculine is also a trait gay guys desire.

OP mentions he is friendly and in my experience these bitter guys hone in on nice, friendly gays, and try to upset them. I have no idea why, except maybe jealousy that the other person seems happy and they aren't?

The thing with me is, I'm certainly battling (and starting to overcome) my own inner demons, but I don't see why other people have to be subjected to that, so I'm always kind to other people. But there is a certain type of gay guy who seems to make it their mission to try and upset me in group situations. And to be fair, I've had bitter non-gay people try and do that too.

I wonder if they feel bad about it afterwards? Like they react subconsciously without really understanding why, and then when they see they've hurt others they actually wish they hadn't? Or maybe they're just too fucked up for even that?

People who have their head screwed on straight don't desire to be anything but the best version of themselves.

OP wants everyone to think people are jealous of him because he's sooooo hot

Also, many gay men use their early 20s to live out who they wish they had been in high school. This should be getting better with all the progress being made and younger gays actually being out and dating in their teens like normal teens instead of their 20s.

R74, there's definitely something to be said for that. I didn't have my first semi-relationship until my mid 20's thanks to being raised in the Bible Belt and, looking back, I acted just like an obsessive teenage girl with a crush on the most popular jock and probably turned the guy off. Even at the time, I was surprised by how ridiculous I was being, but a first love is a first love no matter what age you are. It's just that most gays have to usually wait until they're well out of high school to experience that. Maybe this new, more accepting generation will change all of that and we can be on a more even playing field with the next generations of gay kids.

They're just not into you, OP.

None of them.

N_O_N_E of them.

And, yes, of course it's because you're too beautiful. It's such a curse, isn't it?

It's happened to me before, but never to my face. It's always something someone else tells me was said behind my back and I'll never understand it. I try to be fair to everyone, but some people want to project all their crap onto you for some reason. Everyone probably has someone like that in their lives. They might not be jealous of looks, but they might be jealous of your job, vacations, children, finances, cars, lovers, etc. Out of jealousy, they'll call you an asshole and try to tarnish your name.

The good news is that most sane, reasonable people don't listen to crap like that and they'll usually give you the benefit of a doubt. You don't want the kinds of people who'd lash out like that in your life anyway. What are they bringing to the table? It's tougher if it's someone you work with or have to spend a lot of time with, but I've discovered that most of these kinds of people can be cut out your life fairly easily.

Can be:

- "I reject you (which feels better) before you can reject me (which feels worse)".

- Bruising a pretty guy's ego, so he may let you fuck him. Some guys want to be liked so much that they try extra hard with those who "play hard to get".

- Insecurity issues.

- OP is a douche.

It was like I didn't exist when my then bf and I went to gay bars, the masculine guys and the queens would say "hello" to me and then all their attention was on my bf. Of course he loved it while I seethed. He was always one to go out to the bars, even alone later would give me all the details who he saw and what was said. I dropped him when he wanted to relocate to San Francisco. Later when I would go out the queens would say "aren't you Richard's guy, where is he?"

[quote] It’s really just a result of a socialist history.

Yes, we need to blame Socialists, R2. They are petty, jealous and small-minded.

There is no reason for bitterness. Perhaps contemptuous, but not bitter

[quote] Being bitchy can be a defense mechanism: You are too attractive to like me so I'm going to reject you first.

Accurate.

[quote]It's always something someone else tells me was said behind my back and I'll never understand it

Honestly, I find the people who tell you what others say behind your back to be just as bad as the ones who say things. Why do they want to hurt you like that?

[quote] Why do they want to hurt you like that?

It tells them that, in a fucked up way, they matter because of their actions having an impact on other people's lives.

All gays are bitter bitches. I generally hate them all (and no it’s not a self-loathing thing.) That’s why I only associate with straight men. I don’t mind being “the gay guy” in the group dynamic. I get attention from the straight men, and I’m perceived as funny and “cool.” Even if they don’t fuck me (not yet anyway) I’d rather be with real men than a bunch of useless, judgy, catty queens.

r85, it's kind of sad that you think you are the only drama free gay in your local community. And using that as an excuse to only be around straight guys to feel like one of them.

It’s only after I confirm that an attractive gay guy is obnoxious that I extend my claws.

This behavior is not unique to gay men, OP.

It all boils down to insecurity. Doesn't matter if they're gay or straight, men or women. Insecure people can be ugly, average, or beautiful, but they put others down in an attempt to make themselves feel better. They don't like who they are inside. Having good looks and/or lots of money won't compensate for inner feelings of inferiority.

Secure people have a healthy amount of self-esteem. Since they don't feel lowly, they don't need to lash out. If you like yourself, your self-worth won't be dependent on external things like material possessions, so there's no desire to brag. If you respect yourself, it's easy to respect other people in general.

Back in 1996 when Splash in NYC was in it's heyday I would see a VERY good looking guy there on Friday nights. He looked like one of those COOL runway models. The first night I saw him at Splash , THREE different guys walked up to him to start a conversation. Months later I was watched some guy walk up to this COOL guy and put out his hand for Cool guy to shake. Cool guy just bent backwards and smirked at him- and did NOT shake his hand. He had a MAJOR attitude. But considering how GOOD looking he was - he was in a position to have an attitude. He was also neurotic and insecure. He would often just STARE at himself in the mirror- as if to make sure he still had his looks.

I am the opposite, I won't talk to attractive men and treat them poorly. This is because they are used to people doing everything from them. Yes I am ugly, yes I am bitter and I stand by my previous sentences.

We ladies only find jealousy from bitchy women.

Tell us, R85, what do you and your straight buddies talk about or do together?

(85) Watch out, next you will want to be trying out inserting something in a vagina.

Do masculine gay guys ever punch a male cunt ?

Everyone is a bitch, wake up ! Some just bitch privately

The fem guys are probably the most bitter because they're the ones who have taken all the abuse while growing up.

Oh, a thread praising masc guys and bashing fem guys, who would have imagined such a thing on DL.

R97, 🔥 flames

There's always an idiot like R85 as well.

[quote]Even if they don’t fuck me (not yet anyway)

And there's the reason why he hangs out with them. True colours. What a weasel.

Not really. Besides, guys I find hot are often geeks/nerds/dorks (various ages) more than male models.

If you are really really pretty, you won't feel an iota of jealousy from old fat farts at all. You are above and immune to those trivial emotions. But I guess OP isn't pretty enough.

OP I've heard of the tall poppy syndrome in Australia too. I mean the phrase really as the syndrome is found everywhere.

I prefer guys who are neither masculine nor effeminate- I like guys who are neutral best.

Some DLers are jealous of hot bros

Honestly I'm rude to attractive people because I consider myself ugly and I'm extremely bitter about it.

Hot men get A LOT of attention, wanted or not, so being a cunt can be a deflection tactic. The problem is that it can begin to be applied indiscriminately, or well past when it’s necessary (i.e. after aging out). Other guys might be immediately cunty to an attractive guy as a sort of proactive self defense mechanism. Everyone needs to try to get over themselves.

OP projecting.