Bruce Willis Comedy Central Roast is tonight-anyone going to watch?

Thanks for letting me know OP. I've just set my DVR to record it.

Oh, did they find a venue large enough to hold his ego?

The Joan Rivers roast was brutal, but hilarious just the same. She was a good sport.

They must discuss Aaron carter right??

Who?

That little Coke head younger brother of the *NSYNC singer whom bruce gave hundreds of thousands in presents

Will they make fun of Bruce's shriveled wet cock, as displayed in COLOR Of NIGHT?

Agreed - Aaron Carter needs to be thoroughly hashed out.

My DVR can’t find it. Damn it!

Oh I found it on Comedy Central Roast. Yahoo! Thanks, OP.

I can't remember the film but Willis made a homophobic remark. Sort of offhanded - not important to anything. He was a big star at the time and he could have easily had the remark removed. So I thought: fuck you Bruce Willis I will never watch any more of your films . Actually easy to do I don't like the kind of moves he does...

I hope someone brings up the fact that he used to have his hairline inserted via CGI in his shit action movies.

If anything untoward happened Aaron "attention whore" Carter would've screamed it from the rooftops for a payday. He denied it during an interview with Howard Stern years ago (The question about the gifts starts at the very end of Part 1 of this video) but I had always read the $1 million in gifts was revealed in court documents.

OP is doing Bruce Willis PR and laying it on a bit thick ...

Wasn’t it reported, on DL, that Bruce had early dementia?

Wow - that would be REALLY early dementia. I have noticed he looks beat up for his age. He's 63 and most Hollywood people in their early 60's still look plenty good - like they're in their 40's.

R16 is PR trying to increase viewership.

No Anthony Jeselnik. I'm not watching.

It will either be a pillow fight or a vicious teardown depending on who is involved and how they feel about Willis being a mean and humorless bully.

Haha r17 you either got your numbers mixed up or you are bat shit crazy.

Many sites including Collider, Vulture, The Wrap and Entertainment Weekly have posted some of the jokes from the roast. The participants didn't go easy on him or on each other.

r19 I'm guessing they will go easy on him. Just the usually crap. These roasts are really stupid.

Fuck Bruce Willis. I want to know if Cybill and Martha Stewart exchanged insults!

r21 part of the PR team.

Let's get real. Who gives a fuck about Bruce Willis (has been) and a bunch of ancient comics recycling stupid jokes. It's a lose/lose situation and I will spend my time doing something much more enjoyable.

....

I always thought Bruce Willis is one of the dumb ones. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. He has made some very profitable movies and the industry applauds him for this - but as a person he is sort of a cipher. Not a lot going on. Demi Moore the same. Two stupid people.

Martha holding it together nicely at 77 years old, I notice. Nice to see, nice to see..... Moving along, Bruce Who?

Martha Stewart and Cybill Shepherd will be among the roasters. I wonder how awkward that must have been to have them in the same room.

It's on almost every Viacom owned station at ten o clock, so I doubt you could miss it. Just find one of twenty stations.

Will Aaron carter be a surprised guest ?

Aaron Carter thrilled for any attention at this point ...

R3, actually if you watch Joan Rivers' documentary A Piece of Work (really good), Joan did not handle it well at all. She hated doing it, but agreed for the money. It was fascinating how such a vicious comedian herself could have so little self-awareness as to complain about being picked on.

^ That was always Joan's MO: Anything for money and rather thin-skinned.

Back to boring Bruce...

Williis's lucky break was "pulp fiction" .. everyone that touched that film got a huge career boost.

Is Kevin Smith roasting him? That would be worth seeing

I just bought a nice little box of self-sealing envelopes, OP. I can scratch that off my to-do list.

r34 - OP give it up. No one wants to see this poor excuse for entertainment. Tell your boss you tried and maybe a couple of people showed interest.

Wil kevis smith be there?

One of the funniest jokes on these roasts was on the Pamela Anderson one. Hulk Hogan was one of the roasters. During her bit, Whintney Cummings said "Hulk Hogan has taken so many steroids, Pam has more sperm in her mouth right NOW than he has in his balls!"

Or something like that. Actually, it may have been Natsha Legerro who said it.

Demi Moore makes an appearance.

Martha had to share a trailer with Cybill, according to her Twitter.

I'd prefer to see a Cybill Shepherd roast with Christine Baranski, Anthony Jeselnik, Alan Rosenberg, Lisa Lampanelli, Chuck Lorre, Jeffrey Ross and Glenn Gordon Caron.

Demi Moore, like most of the Hollywood women , bears no resemblance to the Demi Moore of ten years ago. Lots of work.

I would if I had cable.

on now

Why does JGL talk so weird? Does he always speak like that?

Nobody's watching.

Who gives a fuck. I thought Bruce was dead.

JGL is..affected.

Is Bruce losing his memory? Anyone else read that...

Goodness, Lil Rel is wildly unfunny.

Is it really a roast if no one mentions that Bruce Willis bought Aaron Carter $1 million worth of gifts when Aaron was under 16 yo (per filing during 2004 Carter family lawsuit) ???

i just tuned in. edward norton...he's so fug!

bruce looks ok.

So Edward Norton’s set is all about Edward Norton. What a shock!

Could this be any more boring? What happened to comedians? Why are thy not on the show? The pacing is painfully slow. By far the worst of the roasts.

edward norton has had work done. i'm sure of it.

where was this taped?

Martha has the delivery of someone reading the lines for the first time...

Incredibly unfunny, turned it off.

Won’t be funny cuz they’ll focus on Ashton, his baldness, having no career etc. What we want jokes on are his gayness, his daughters having his face, Demi being an absolute mess, Aaron, etc.

demi moore is not wearing a bra in a see through top.

Nicki Glaeser was pretty great.

I'm waiting for Foster Brooks to appear. I love his schtick.

jeff ross was funny, i laughed out loud a few times.

Demi moore made a harvey W joke about Bruce getting the Pulp Fiction part after visiting him in the hotel room LOL.

it wasn't great but better than the Trump and Bieber roasts

Ed Norton was TERRIBLE tonight

Jeff Ross is always funny on these roasts - one of the few who gets how it’s done.

My LOL moment was when after The Situation (why he was there and who was being roasted - I have no idea) got up there and bombed, Lisa Lampanelli made the crack regarding The Sitch having written a book being sold on Amazon and under “Customers also bought” she remarked, “A rope and a chair.”

was Dennis Rodman telling the truth when he joked about having unprotected sex with Madonna back in the 90s? eew!

How did Cybill do?

And no mention of him fucking young Michael J Fox on the lawn at someone’s party. What a waste of good material.

R68, what what WHAAAAT???

I've never heard of that story before!

Details, please!

I watched it, and did laugh. Jeff Ross and Dom Irrera were great.

R68--please come back with details!

Irrera's joke about Ed Norton never becoming famous enough for Courtney Love to have him murdered was the best joke of the night

R66 what we saw was edited prior to broadcast but I couldn't believe they left that in. And of course he did--this is Madonna we're talking about

R49/72 Demi's first joke was that she told BW yesterday she would be at the roast and he forgot. Maybe that's what she was alluding to...

R73 that was my thought.

Jeff Ross was funny as per usual. Dom Irrera also made some good jokes that made me laugh.

Martha Stewart looks amazing for 77. I hope she gives her surgeon a bonus.

The others were meh. I wish they'd bring back Anthony Jeselnik, Amy Schumer, Gilbert Gottfried, Lisa Lampanelli, and Whitney Cummings. I also miss Greg Giraldo.

Here's Vulture's list of their favorite jokes:

Also, Aaron Carter's brother, Nick, was in Backstreet Boys, not 'N Sync.

Since his great turn in "Moonlighting," Willis has become a bald Right-Wing nutcase. His smirk has made him a king's ransom.

I thought Deni appeared high on something?

Also, the basketball player acted high too. What’s his name?

Lebron James

No he dated Madonna. Dennis Rodman

Dennis, soon to become ambassador to North Korea

Jeff Ross called Cybill Shepherd's new face "Bruce Jenner Willis."

I just watched the Martha Stewart clip. And am I the only one who thinks Edward Norton looks hot as fuck? I have a weakness for those generic white guys.

Holy fuck. Will Edward Norton ever shut the fuck up?

Oh shit, Dom Irrera was there? Now I *have* to watch it, I freaking love that guy!

Here he is on the first season of "Dr Katz, Professional Therapist", a very underrated animated show. I first saw it over 20 years ago and I still remember his bit about wanting to lie facedown on top of Dr Katz like a pancake, lol!

Just watched it. It was really good.

I didn't realize so many people had heard about the "$1 million in gifts to Aaron Carter" story. And it's still online, not scrubbed, as claimed here in the past.

I watched it, I got nostalgic as I pumped a 6" dildo in my tight Meth hole!

Damn, I can't believe how hilarious Martha Stewart is! She must have the best speechwriters money can buy, bitch is on point!

Her closing line is epc: "I think you are a good neighbour, a great actor, and a very, very solid... fuckbuddy. [italic](to Bruce:)[/italic] See you tomorrow. [italic](to the camera:)[/italic] Goodnight!"

Lil Rey sucked ass, however.

If anyone hasn't googled him yet, I'll save you the time: He was the comic relief TSA agent in "Get Out".

But his set was weak, to put it mildly. He laughed harder at his own jokes than the audience did, ffs!

I saw a bit and found it pretty lame, I guess it was more like the roasts before Comedy Central televised them, pretty image conscious and tame, he was the first big star Comedy Central had, I'd say, and the first A-Lister still not over the hill.

Was that really the first time Bruce and Cybill had seen each other since their show was canceled?

Holy shit, Dennis Rodman is slurring his words. Did he have a stroke, or is he just wasted?

[quote]Was that really the first time Bruce and Cybill had seen each other since their show was canceled?

I find that hard to believe. I mean, even if they hated each other so much that they actively avoided each other, surely they've been at the same events or parties and said hello?

Cybill and Bruce saw each other when they did the commentary for the Moonlighting DVD. I think that was 10-15 years ago.

Cybill did quite well at the toast, I thought. And she got off pretty easy too. Almost all of the jokes at her expense were about her sleeping around (except for the Bruce Jenner joke).

Roasts used to be funny. Comedy Central has ruined them.

R96, are you certain that they recorded commentary together? Cuz maybe they recorded separately, and it was just edited to seem like they were in the room at the same time.

Would love to see the look on Willis' face when the name 'Aaron Carter' is mentioned. Who would "go there"? Kathy Griffin?

I didn't know that Bruce Willis had gotten remarried, and had two more daughters. Wonder if they're as hideous as the older three?

Although Rumor aka "Potatoface" looked decent in the audience. Dyeing her hair blonde helps distract from the lantern jaw, I guess.

I also noticed she was wearing a teeny tiny white top that barely covers her titties. Like mother, like daughter.

I can believe Cybill and Bruce haven't seen each other in such a long time. I doubt Cybill gets invited anywhere

Jeff Ross was funny as usual, and Martha Stewart had some hilarious comments. Laughed out loud when she said that Nikki Glaser had the name of a professional porn star and the body of an amateur porn star!

Carter would not shout it from the rooftops. He is probably getting $ to keep quiet.

Aaron Carter was the big pink elephant in the room. Kathy Griffin would have ran with it. Some people are biologically predisposed to mention what everyone is hiding!

I thought it was funny when Cybill Shepherd apologized to Lil Rel for calling the police on his barbecue!

Did Bruce just give Aaron lots of gifts, while he masturbated to the thought of him receiving them, or did they actually have sex?

I'm still waiting for more details from r68

So did anyone mention Aaron Carter or not?

R106 When middle aged men gives a 12-15 year old boy a million dollars in gifts you know something is up...

[quote]So did anyone mention Aaron Carter or not?

No. But maybe it was cut out. Someone who was actually there will have to tell.

Cybill Shepard is really old now.

Ya think, R111?

Yep, r98...they also recorded an interview for the DVD.

Lil Rel and ed Norton were terrible. And norton went on and on.

Did anyone there even know about the Aaron Carter stuff? I've only heard those rumors on this site.

I got sick of Rumer Willis and her (over)reaction shots.

I could only watch 2 minutes of Bruce's speech. He was either stoned or senile. Just blankly reading from the TelePrompTer.

They all were reading

This is what celebrity Roasts are supposed to be like. The concept is nothing new, and unfortunately, the contemporary roasters don't quite get it right. You can see many of these old clips on YT.

Foster Brooks doing his completely shit-faced drunk bit.

[quote]I thought it was funny when Cybill Shepherd apologized to Lil Rel for calling the police on his barbecue!

Had to admit, that was pretty fuckin' funny.

[quote] I got sick of Rumer Willis and her (over)reaction shots.

I thought she was supposed to be some allegedly talented actress?

[quote] IMO the 2 worst ones were Trump and Bieber.

I still don't understand why the fuck there even WAS a roast of Bieber. It's not like he was some huge star with an extensive showbiz history.

He must have bribed Comedy Central with a few million $$ to make it worth their while.

R122 he's a big star for people under 25. The roast was a PR attempt by his manager Scooter Braun to make Bieber look contrite for all the outrageous bad public behavior at the time. Unfortunately the trick worked and he was rewarded with his most successful album to date shortly after, getting his first #1 singles.

What were all the jokes about Willis being racist? I guess it wouldn't shock me but I had never heard anything about him making racist comments before this.

Jeff Ross talks about that legendary joke he made about Bea Arthur at the Jerry Stiller Roast years ago.

Stewart, Herrera, and Ross were the best. JGL was the worst. I had forgotten he had even gone by the halfway point

R18, that's when real stars, who actually knew the roastee, participated. Now, no one has met the person being roasted.

cute lil ole aaron carter will jump nekkid out of a cake at the end and give his daddi bruce a big ole wet kiss....oh yea baby.

Agreed, R115, Rumer Willis’s reaction shots were WAY over the top!

I wonder if Bruce made them promise no insults would be hurled at his lantern head daughters.

I liked the Bieber Roast, they ripped him pretty hard and he was clearly uncomfortable at times.

My favorite joke was from Lisa Lampanelli during the William Shatner Roast:

"Betty White is so old, on her first game show, the grand prize was fire."

aaron carter was kept in bruces dressing room, nude and powdered down with delicious white powder.... bruce u have good taste my bi buddy..

shhhhhhh

Demi Moore roasts Bruce.

R133 I could only make it through the first minute of that. She is boring.

And so thirsty, showing her boobs on TV at 70.

She's 56 in November.