Your absolute favorite Golden Girls punchline.

Pretty tame, OP.

He had a big, floppy pancreas, Rose.

SILLY PUTTY, ROSE!

Good one r3

Sophia: hey, Stan, can I be pothead?

Blanche: “Derek is nearly 5 years younger than me”.

Dorothy “In what, Blanche? Dog years?”

The Liberace marquis at Caesaer's Palace!

Put it behind your ears, Rose!

The man's as gay as a picnic basket!

Rose, get professional help.

Tell me, Rose, did you accompany him through the hole in your HEAD?

"Literally, it's the precise moment dog doo doo turns white."

Lesbian? Lesbian. LESBIAN!

Lawrence of Arabia, Rose.

Shrimp?

Well, excuse me for living, Anita Bryant!

Clam down, lady! You just get out of prison?

Who remembers when she was Revco's spokesperson?

Oops, wrong thread

Pretty much every said when Stan showed up at the front door.

^ That should read: Pretty much everything said when Stan showed up at the front door. My favorite being "There's nothing worse than a pain in the neck...."

r19 Damn right!

Blanche: why would anyone wanna become a nun? I mean, nun, the word says it, NONE!

Dorothy: I totally cut off his sex Rose: you mean it grows back?

(On Rose also posing naked for Lazlo)

Blanche: I sure don't know why. He can go to sea world if he wants to see a naked whale.

Dorothy: I'm telling you there's more to eddie than meets the eye, but the only thing we have in common is under the sheets.

Rose: what's under the sheets?

Dorothy: his cappuccino maker, Rose

Blanche: I'm gonna sit in the bathtub with just enough water to cover my perky bosoms

Sofia : You're only gonna sit in an inch of water!?!

Blanche: I'm from the south! Flirting is a part of my heritage.

Rose: What does that mean?

Dorothy: Her mother was a slut too.

Rose: Let' try it now with Dorothy. Dorothy-Dorothy-Bo-Borothy-Banana-Fana-Fo-Forothy-Fee-Fi-Mo-Morothy

*Car screetches to a halt*

Dorothy:..........Get out, Rose.

He's got a big floppy pancreas, Rose.

From "Blanche's Little Girl"--

Becky: Jeremy's a big baseball fan.

Jeremy: Becky's a bigger one. Becky's a bigger everything.

Dorothy: Not everything, Jeremy.

The look on Dorothy's face kills me every time.

Blanche: I don't understand what's wrong Sophia. You've always been ornery, unpleasant, impolite, even down right mean that's part of your charm.

Sophia: Thank you, you bed hopping relic.

[html removed] lol

Love Dorothy's expression in that one

You should drive a nit-WIT mobile!

Rose: You can lead a fish to water, but you'd better hurry or he'll die.

Rose: To think Dorothy's lived with The Temptations, I've never even been to one of their concerts.

Of ALL the hilarious lines over 7 seasons and you come up with THAT, OP?!?

R30, meet R2

Can you believe that backstabbing slut?

I could vomit just looking at you.

I never liked her.

Beat it, y’fifty year-old mattress.

I forgive you.

All my favorites are from Rose's St. Olaf's stories. They are:

"When I was radioactive!"

"That moose put Yiminy through medical school!"

and my favorite of all:

"They're called Langenhürlen!"

Yes - but usually I’m one of the ships.

Different on outside/Same on inside.

R9 Finally: source revealed.

"That's why the brown bear and the field mouse can share their lives in harmony. Of course, they can't mate or the mice would explode."

Rose: Oh Dorothy these are the best years of our lives!

Dorothy: Rose, these are the last years of our lives!

You lay a finger on me, your teeth’ll be back in Sicily before YOU are.

R47, the question is what's NOT gay about them?

"Complete this famous saying: Better late than..."

"PREGNANT!"

Well, Angelo, speaking in terms of the gingerbread alone...

Blanche: Girls, I have writer's block! It is the worst feeling in the world.

Sophia: Try ten days without a bowel movement sometime.

Blanche: You just sit there hour after hour after hour.

Sophia: Tell me about it...

No more questions.

Waitresses?!

Not as much as you hurt my oonie.

Rose: Why does {Blanche's sister} Virginia need a kidney?

Dorothy: To feed the cat, Rose!

My mistake -I thought since you look like Yoda, you were also wise.

Someone used it to restart the pilot light.

And before we knew it, there was Kirsten.

As the reverend was performing the funeral service, I knew for sure that he wanted me.

He's a priest, isn't he?!

I am pussycat one, YOU are pussycat two!

(After the long Mei Ling story...)

Rose: Blanche, you have to tell Dorothy, she’s your friend.

Blanche: You’re right, she is my best friend.

Rose: I thought *I* was your best friend!

Blanche: You were until you told me that story.

We're... uh, going door to door collecting lingerie for needy sexy people.

Oh, like what, Blanche, the PLO?

That’s...pretty jumpy.

Oh, please, you’re such a liar.

Usually Bea seems annoyed by her interviewer but she seems happy in this interview.

I don’t think I could drink that much sake.

r51 Kraft Catalina as lube?

Lesbian, Rose! Not Lebanese!

R73, wasn’t that quote directed at Blanche? Right before she says mine and r13’s favorite line?

Blanche: “You shot my vase!” Rose: “I didn't shoot Lester!” Blanche: “I'd rather you shot Lester!”

South side?

"Oh, I'll say! That kidney was showroom new! Why, the wildest thing that ever passed through there was Ovaltine!"

Silly rabbi, tricks are for kids.

Nice way to talk your mother, pussycat.

Sophia: Lifesaver?

Dorothy: Ah, go to hell, ma.

Dorothy: Does it say KMart on the back of my nightgown?

Sophia: As a matter of fact it does, you cheapskate.

GAWD I wish I was dead!

Check... PLEASE!

"No. You're Dorothy, and I'm Toto. At least for the next $8." The looks on Dorothy's face are priceless during this scene.

Then, a few moments later:

How'd you like your tail kicked across the street?

Oh, boy! Here's the other four dollars!

I thought it was in the shape of Florida!

And if you say something smart, I'll slap you silly.

Eventually she started getting her facts mixed up. She told us that the human body was made up of 70% ovaltine and claimed that mustard gas was something you got from eating too many hot dogs.

Oh back off, Blanche. Not all of us are classified by the Navy as a friendly port.

Miami, you're cuter than... an interuterine...

Lorraine's mother: "Can you cook?"

Sophia: "Are you black?"

A declaration, more than a punchline:

It so happens that I am Miss Angie Dickinson!

Clayton is a [italic]hobo[/italic]?

Rose: "Splat!"

"WHAT THE HELL GOES ON AT NIGHT IN THIS HOUSE?!"

What were you doing in Ladies' Petite?

Yeah, and while I'm in my own bed, I'll do what I want!

Get your bunny nose out of my butt!

Oh, you heard that? I thought I was safe backed up against these pillows.

Rose: Is it just me, or did anyone else notice the buns on that priest?

Black? Benjamin wasn't Black, he was from New Jersey. I went to my senior prom with a Yankee!

Gimme a break, you can’t smell that from the hall.

Blanche: Blanche Devereaux never shares a man.

Sophia: Or a pizza.

Didn't get a whole lotta laughs in the show but it makes me howl to this day.

"Why don't you just grind the broken pieces into her hand!?"

Am I getting it mostly right?

Per r104, can someone start a thread about very funny lines from GG that for some reason or another didn't get a huge laugh? My personal fave is the following from the season 1 episode where Blanche lends her car to Rose. Blanche's line is LOL hysterical, but the audience barely registers a laugh:

Rose: I want a car that says "practical." Your car says "available."

Blanche: Then just take off my personalized license plates.

Pardon ME while I play the grand piano!

Jealousy is an ugly thing, Dorothy. And so are you in anything backless.

Just the punchline.

Rose: The box said two to four YEARS!

Oh god, you gave me an 'R' cup!

Blanche, the only thing in this room that's 40ish is your hairdo.

Who recognizes this one:

"All right, Blanche, but do you think black really suits you?"

Dorothy (shocked at something nonsensical Rose has just said): "I can't believe my ears!"

Sophia: I know, I should've taped 'em back when you were 7.

Fidel is taking me to the Burt Reynolds Dinner Theater to see Ruth Buzzi in Evita

Of course. I should've known!

You know, Dorothy, there's a thin line between having a good time and becoming an obvious wanton slut.

What does she model: car covers?

117 posts. I'm STILL waiting for something that'll make me laugh.

Oh, you

Ask the towel lady!

Sophia: I *hate* communism!

Dorothy: Of course you do, Ma...that's because you were raised a fascist.

Not even if you were hanging upside down on a trapeze!

R118 Do you wear olive oil cans for shoes? Don't be bitter. Change the thread or get a productive hobby. Who cares about you and your tranny ways.

R118, he P-feiffer, how would you like a p-funch in your p-face?

"Who was that idiot?"

"I don't know. Usually Mr. Terrific comes in alone."

"Well, I don't know. I'll have to ask her the next time I visit her...at the hoooooome.

Trudy to Dorothy: What kind of person jumps into bed with a dear friend's husband?

Blanche: Well not necessarily a bad one! Oh, you were talking to her...

Rose: When I was in school the kids made up a really mean nick name for me just because I had hairy legs.

Blanche: What did they call you?

Rose: Rose with the hairy legs.

Dorothy: Kids can be so cruel.

Blanche: I treat my body like a temple.

Sophia: Yeah, open to everyone, day or night!

Dorothy: So you're five years older. So am I, so is Blanche.

Alright, so you have a few more wrinkles. So do I, so does Blanche.

OK, so you're a little thicker around the middle. So is Blanche!

Dorothy: I'd kill Gloria if she wrote a book about my sexual life.

Sophia: You'd kill your sister over a pamphlet?

Blanche: Dorothy you're a substitute, your job isn't actually to teach.

Dorothy: Then what is it?

Blanche: To keep the kids from burning the school down until the other teacher gets back!

Dorothy: Rose you're stupid. Dorothy: Blanche you're a slut. Dorothy: MAA!

Remember that one?

^Oldster is just cranky because he's too senile to remember a good line.

Here's mine:

Rose: Can I ask a dumb question?

Dorothy: Better than anyone I know.

Nope. Still waiting.

Let's just change that to "Mrs. Z. eats shiitake mushrooms."

"I've just been thrown out of an unauthorized Elvis fan club. I'll try to pick up the pieces and go on with my life."

Miles: Have you ever seen a purple Martin early in the morning?

Blanche: Why yes, yes I have. Martin Gellman. Mr. “Watch Me Leapfrog Over This Parking Meter.”

Dorothy: What happened to the money I gave you last night?

Sophia: Let's see. Ten bucks went for cover charge, ten bucks went for a round of drinks. And the other ten went into the G-string of a very cute male dancer named Mr. Big.

Blanche: I know that guy. That's just a stage name.

To tag onto R137:

“Surely there must be a support group for people like me.”

Dorothy: Later, Stan told me that he put my engagement ring in the bottom of the glass. It turned up three days later.

Rose: Where'd it turn up, Dorothy?

Dorothy: On the Home Shopping Network, Rose.

THAT'S WHAT THE CROW SAID!

Sophia: Is it true what they say about black men in bed?

Blanche: Oh yes, definitely...Oh yes, definitely, that is something I would like to know about, too.

Blanche Devereaux never goes out with another woman's husband. Except for that one time... but that was not my fault. She was pronounced dead. Those paramedics never give up.

Rose: Come on Dorothy, if the Egyptians built the pyramids, then we can move this toilet.

Dorothy: Fine, get me 20,000 Hebrews and I'll have it out of here in no time.

On how Dorothy reignited her sexual relationship with Stan:

I swear, I thought I was setting the parking break.

On how Dorothy got knocked up by Stan.

Sophia: I never bought that "unconscious" story. Dorothy: I swear. He must have slipped me something Sophia: Apparently!

Let's try this again:

On how Dorothy got knocked up by Stan.

Sophia: I never bought that "unconscious" story.

Dorothy: I swear. He must have slipped me something

Sophia: Apparently!

Boy, would that bull have been jealous!

[quote]I swear, I thought I was setting the parking break.

Try this one again, too, while you’re at it.

R74 You are right it was Blanche.

Back to remedial Golden Girls for me...

Dorothy: [after Sophia leaves to join a convent] God, I miss that woman. Say what you want about her, we all loved having her around.

Rose: I miss someone to have a chat with at midnight.

Blanche: You know what I'm gonna miss most about Sophia? The way she used to tease me. The way she would ever-so-subtly jab me with names like, 'Tramp', 'Floozie', 'Trollop', 'Harlot', 'Magic Carpet Ride'.

Rose: [everyone joins in the fun] 'The Human Luge'.

Dorothy: But she was never cuter than when she simply called you, 'Shore Leave'.

Just to go slightly off-topic, but I've recently started binging on this show on Hulu and I absolutely adore it, but have noticed some major inconsistencies from episode to episode. For instance, in the pilot Blanche's married name is Hollingworth, but later on that actually becomes her maiden name. Also, early on Dorothy mentions she's from Queens but in subsequent episodes, she says she's from Brooklyn. I'm sure there are others I've missed. I think it would be neat to have a fun thread discussing all the continuity issues we've stumbled across, but I'm not a paying member and can't start a thread. Can any paying members do that? TIA.

GG is notorious for lack of continuity and bizarre timelines (in one episode Dorothy says her grandmother was 90-something when Dorothy was 6). Obviously the writers weren't thinking of syndication or binge watching.

The writers weren’t thinking, PERIOD!

It's painfully obvious they cut Charles Levin out of the pilot as much as feasibly possible without having to reshoot the entire thing. Hard to feel sorry for the guy, because he always seemed to be working, but he could've pulled the brinks truck up to his back door had he remained a regular.

Dorothy: This is a pepperoni.

Blanche: It's obnoxious!

Rose: They're all dead. Every last one.

[quote] I think it would be neat to have a fun thread discussing all the continuity issues we've stumbled across,

You mean ANOTHER one? Do a search, you’ll find them.

It's a fix! She's dead! She doesn't need that on her mantle! SHE'S ON HER MANTLE!

Drop dead!

It is for you, DEVEREAUX!!!

I still don't like girls and I don't like you.

Oh good, Roy and Dale are back.

He's not a newsstand. He's a new Stan.

It might be a little tricky with plaid.

I guess it must be me. Goodbye, already.

Oh finally a reference from Dorothy that even we illiterates can understand.

I am NOT incompetent. Once, when I laughed too hard, I had a little accident.

I wish I had her nose full of nickels.

Oh, did I mention her last name... was Feldman?

I ate a sandwich on that plate!

Rain check! Rain check!

You lost the war...get over it!

Dorothy: *referring to Frank, the priest* My luck, the first really wonderful guy I've met in a long time, and I find out he has a more serious involvement...

Rose: With whom??

Dorothy: Pam Dawber!

r167: Eat dirt and die, trash.

Now look here, Stretch.

Well, I've never known any personally, but isn't Danny Thomas one?

When Blanche discovers that Dorothy's friend Jean is a lesbian (not Lebanese)... "She chose Rose over me? Well that's ridiculous!"

I guess even he had his standards.

Riffing on R177:

Blanche: You're ready to fly right out of here, aren't you?

"You'll have to excuse my mother. She suffered a slight stroke a few years ago which rendered her totally annoying."

"Nonsense, my little hat rack."

'You'll have to excuse my mother. She suffered a slight stroke a few years ago which left her, if I can be frank, a complete burden.'

r177: This is a private moment so BUTT OUT, Rambo.

Don't "Ma" me, you cheap floozy!

Frieda Claxton to Dorothy:

Yeah, I know you. You're the one with NOTHING going on in your bedroom.

Blanche: Now remember, Sophia, play hard to get, it drives a man crazy!

Dorothy: Read that somewhere, did you?

I'm very sorry. I promise I will say Hail Marys until Madonna has a hit movie.

Howabout when she flips you over trying to find a cool spot.

And in your case, we'd appreciate it if you'd do that for all three meals.

Rose: Sophia, you're Myron Zucker.

Sophia: Rose, you idiot, there's no way I'm ever gonna pass for a man. Dorothy, trade with me.

I tried to handle it like a lady. I waved politely over Bobby Joe's shoulder, with my foot.

"This is sad, this is so sad." -Sophia

Dorothy as prom queen. Not really a "punchline", but the way it's delivered still cracks me up.

You'll have to excuse my mother, she was a witness to the Hindenberg disaster.

Rose to Dorothy:

Gee, with only 3 hours sleep, I can be as bitchy as you.

Christmas without fruitcake is like St. Sigmund's Day without the headless boy!

Rose, unaware that Dorothy is sitting right there:

Blanche, call the police! I just saw a big ugly man walk past the window, and he was wearing Dorothy's coat!

You know what else I'm sick of? That fake Southern accent of yours. What is this, Designing Women?

What are we celebrating, did The Supremes get back together?

Oh Thank God! I thought I was having another stroke.

What they do is their business, but if I ever catch your hand on Rose's behind it'll kill me.

"I really don't know, but I'll ask her tomorrow when I visit her at THE HOME".

r203: No more questions.

... although daughters frequently murder their mothers!!

Sophia, Bigfoot, thank you.

One night I'll belch and stable Mabel here will blow my head off!

It would be better with Shelley Hack, Rose, just turn it on!

“Look! They got a black guy doing the news and it’s not even the weekend.”

"It's the law!"

Miles to Rose , she was trying to be Celibate due to a drought in St. Olaf Well , I really enjoyed that lesbian Poetry reading.

What...what did Elliot make? A ship in a bottle?

[italic]From “The Competition”…[/italic]

Sophia [while cooking]: “If this sauce were a person, I would get naked and make love to it.”

* * *

Dorothy [to a sleeping Blanche]: “Blanche—wake up! Blanche—wake up. [[italic]Pause. Soft delivery[italic]] Blanche—wake up. My wife will be home any minute.

I can't even REACH mine...

(Guess the episode!)

Not part of the show, people - not part of the show!

23 years in a row!

Called me an OLDSTER! I called him a pig...we’re having drinks on Thursday.

Too wittle, too wate.

[quote]Blanche: “Derek is nearly 5 years younger than me”.

[quote]Dorothy “In what, Blanche? Dog years?”

r6's joke really doesn't work. If Derek is 5 *dog years* younger than Blanche, that means he's less than one human year younger than blanche. Which is probably the opposite of what Dorothy wanted to imply.

^Oh, honey.

Just how far from the television set are you when you watch La Law!

Bless your heart, R219.

[quote] [R203]: No more questions.

Yeah, yeah. You's right.

We was po'.

Dorothy: Are you really going to walk to the theater like that?

Rose: No. When I reach the sidewalk I'll take longer strides.

Dorothy: Ma, I have a feeling you're lying.

Rose: Be positive, Dorothy.

Dorothy: OK, I'm POSITIVE you're lying!

Sofia: I was mugging for the camera

Dorothy: You were mugging me!

I turn her in to Secret Police! No more to tell!

Sophia: Dorothy have you seen my teeth?

Dorothy: They're in your mouth ma.

Sophia: I know that, don't they look good today? I ran them through the dishwasher.

Blanche: Quick, Rose, give me a deadly disease!

Rose: I'm sorry, I don't have a deadly disease!

Blanche: Well get one.

Stan: “Dorothy, I need someone who's classy, who can handle the rich and powerful. Someone not too obviously sexy.”

Dorothy: “Why don't you ask Merv Griffin?”

Dorthy, no offense, but your cupcakes are stale and dry. Men would rather pay for cupcakes

"Trying to find your underwear in the big pile?"

There's a Sicily you don't see on postcards.

Dorothy: Where did you go to law school?

Lawyer: A whole bunch of places!

BLANCHE: Well I will not stand for this!

SOPHIA: Take it, Dorothy!

DOROTHY: But you’ll surely lie down for it!

SOPHIA: Now Pussycat, That was just plain rude!

BLANCHE: Some people don’t know when to stop...

"Calm down, lady...you just get out of prison?"

--------------------

Rose leaves the bar with Mr. Terrific (a grown man who dresses as a superhero)

Bar patron: Who was that nut?

Bartender: I don't know; usually Mr. Terrific comes in alone.

---------------

Rose: What was it that I said to make you want to go back home to Minnesota [and stop prostituting]?

Rose's former jailmate: It was nothing you said. I just didn't want to be as old as you and still be in the business.

--------------

Rose has accidentally placed Dorothy's "anything for $8" ad in the personals section of the newspaper.

Sleazebag to Rose: Here's the $8 Dorothy. Let's get started.

Rose: I'm not Dorothy. I'm Rose. That's Dorothy.

Sleazebag to Dorothy: I'll give you $4.

Dorothy: How would you like your tail kicked across the curb?

Sleazebag: Oh boy! Here's the other $4!

--------------------------------

Dorothy signs a student's cast.

Dorothy: Let's just change this to say "Ms. Zbornak eats shiitake mushrooms."

--------------------------------

Talk show host: "Blanch, a lesbian, and Dorothy, another lesbian. Pat and Kathy, image consultants"

Dorothy: GET BACK HERE, you deceitful little Sicilian gecko!

Sophia: I wuv u!

Dorothy: TOO WITTLE, TOO WATE.

Rose's family has delivered "Baby", who turns out to be a livestock pig. Sophia has lost her glasses.

Sophia: Aw, what a cute baby.

Dorothy: Ma, it's a pig!

Sophia: Hey you weren't so cute when you were a baby, but we loved you anyway.

============================ Rose's new boyfriend turns out to be a mobster who's dating her to get to Miles who ratted him out. He's holding Miles, Rose, and a few others at gunpoint. Sophia enters the room.

The Cheeseman: Don't make a move, old lady!

Sophia: Nice way to talk to your mother, pussycat!

The Cheeseman: Now I'm going to lock all of you up in a closet while we take a walk.

Sophia: Were you ever Activities Director at a place called Shady Pines?

"Elvis would never have left that much meat on a pork chop"

TO CONNECTICUT ROSE!!

ALL DOROTHY:

“You’re not a slut???!!”

Blanche, have you heard the navy slogan, “see the world, sleep with Blanche Devereaux?”

Have you seen the Army commercials, “be all you can be, and sleep with Blanche Deveraux?”

Have you heard the Marines say “We are looking for a few good men, ... WHO HAVEN’T SLEPT WITH BLANCHE DEVERAUX!!!! ?

DOROTHY:

Just because Rose slept with 53 men before Charlie it doesn’t mean she’s a slut.

It means she is THE slut!

(Points at Blanche) The slut is dead!

(Points at Rose) Long live the SLUT!!

Rose is telling the girls about the Great Herring Circus in St. Olaf.

Dorothy: Tell me Rose, did they ever shoot a herring out of a cannon?

Rose: Only once, but they shot him into a tree, and after that, none of the other herring would do it.

The lines are so funny that even Bea and Rue are falling out of character with real laughter. Bea even looks into the camera and laugh mid sentence during the first line (above).

BLANCHE: "I lost Ander Beau AND her beau! Do you know what I'm saying, Rose?"

ROSE: "I don't even know who Anderbeaubeau is!"

“Rose, I love it. This will come in a lot handier than those pearl earrings. The next time I'm lost in the woods with a stack of pancakes.”

“You remember my lying vicious toad of a mother...?”

- Dorothy to John Neretti

Rose: [waiting for her AIDS blood test] I haven't been this scared since 1952, when St Olaf's most active volcano threatened to erupt. Luckily, there were some Druid priests who were in town for the opening of Stonehengeland, and they said they could stop it, if they could sacrifice the town's dumbest virgin. I don't know why I raised my hand. It must've just been the excitement of the moment. But, they said the only way to prevent the eruption was for me to crawl through their legs, up the volcano, while they gave me my birthday whacks. Well - and you're not going to believe this - it turns out they weren't Druid priests at all, just a bunch of Shriners looking for a good time.

Rose: Was that the plumber?

Dorothy: No, Rose. It was a little girl going door-to-door selling Girl Scout toilets.

Sophia: Me? I’m like clockwork. I pee every morning ...8 on the dot! Unfortunately I don’t get out of bed until 9!

What makes R248's example so great was Betty White's slight pause before and after, and then slight emphasis on "why," when she says "I don't know why I raised my hand."

Those women all had killer comic timing.

Exactly, r251.

Shrimp?

r253 meet r15

Why was Sophia always going after Dorothy for not having sex when SHE wasn't having sex herself?

Please consult the definition of punchline, r255

Dorothy: I’m so excited being on this yacht I could kiss any man in sight!

MAN OVERBOARD!!!!

This thread shows how well written its humor was. There are even very few posts of video clips as they are not even needed.

MEDIC!

Blanche: I feel like I'm in the middle of some awful dream. And yet I know it can't be a dream because there are no boy dancers.

Blanche, singing: Over there.....Over there...

Blanche: No! I said "over there!"

Dorothy: I was in Attica [prison].

Jail mate: Attica is a men's prison.

Dorothy: I know. It was a year before they found out.

Jail mate: I didn't mean to ruffle your feathers. [walks away]

Dorothy (to Blanche): I worked for the public schools system for decades. It's not much different.

A group of men have joined the girls at their table. The men think the girls are prostitutes.

Blanche: Dorothy's an excellent teacher. Everyone who's had her says she's great.

Dorothy: Yep.

Blanche: Dorothy, if you don't let me out of this bathroom stall right now, I'm going to write on the wall...for a good time call Dorothy Zbornak.

Dorothy: (laughs) Blanche, this is the WOMEN's room.

Blanche: I know!

Does your face look like this? Do your hands look like this?

ROSE: You mean, music by Rose Nylund and lyrics by Dorothy Zbornak? Why not? We could be the next Rodgers and Hammerstein. The next Simon and Garfunkel. The next Shari Lewis and Lamb Chop. Dorothy: I don't know if I could get my hand that far up your dress. But for $10,000, I'd be willing to give it a try.

"Where did you find jeans that size?"

"The president was married to Broderick Crawford?"

"Which one's the slut"?

The Christmas episode where no one wanted Rose to get their name, but she drew Blanche’s

Blanche: It’s a blouse, a beautiful, lovely blouse. Rose: Dorothy said you’d like something crotchless Dorothy: (Camera pans to her expression) .......

After a meal:

Miles: Dinner was delicious, Rose. What was it?

Rose: It's a Scandinavian specialty - kuldomar. M: I've never heard of that before, but it's marvelous. R: Oh, you just throw together some ground pork and cabbage.

Sophia: Cabbage, she serves me. In ten minutes I could be sky-writing!

No one can deliver a deadpan line like Bea Arthur.

Dorothy sits at the table with Blanche and Rose. Sophia stands nearby.

Sophia to Dorothy: Describe your best friend.

Dorothy: She's someone I share my innermost secrets with.

Rose: You mean like the time you borrowed Blanche's car, dented it, and said the bagboy at the grocery store did it?

Dorothy: That's not a secret; I just forgot to mention it.

Blanche: I think she means more like the time she told me that she went skinny dipping with your [Rose's] cousin Lars before he gave up the pulpit.

Dorothy: [deadpan AF] That's a better example of a secret.

R271, the first time I heard that line (when NBC initially broadcast the episode), I was 12 years old, and I thought it was hilarious. I'm much older now...and it's still hilarious. It creates quite a visual!

Boy R272 did you disappoint with that example. There are so many better ones.

R274, come on. Maybe on paper it doesn't sound so great. But when you watch the girls deliver the lines, their rhythm, expressions, and the teacherly tone in Bea's voice when she says "that's a better example of a secret", it's hilarious.