Let's Be Frau Possessions

I'm the wall decals.

I'm the cheeto dust in the living room.

I'm the Caramel Spice Breeze Yankee Candle in the hallway, mate of the Midnight Clouds candle in the bathroom.

I'm a Michael Kors signature handbag, worried I'm about to be replaced with a Tory Burch.

I’m the Kate Spade knockoff that was replaced by Michael Kors.

I’m the collection of “collage” multi-photo picture frames, complete with “Family”, “Love”, “Blessed”, “Home”, etc...

I'm the pile of cheap shoes next to the door.

Add your shoes to the pile so you can collect cat hair, dander, and odd bits of snack food on your socks!

One should keep shoes in the genkan.

I'm the dusty pile of cheap, partially assembled exercise equipment bought of the TV, slowly rusting in the garage

I’m the sense of entitlement that allows them to take over gay spaces.

I am the mug being cradled.

Bags of Michaels craft supplies clogging up hall closet.

Stinky, barky dogs.

Package of Oprah chai.

Sage walls.

Baskets of laundry on dining room table.

Teenage kiddos on couch, buried in phones.

I'm the welcome mat that reads "Family, where life begins and love never ends"

I’m the mass produced “LIVE LAUGH LOVE” sign that hangs on the wall.

I am the black slate chalkboard hanging in the kitchen with a Happy Easter message that won't be changed until Earth Day. Then I will get my picture taken for Facebook and Instagram.

I am the word 'blessed'. I could be on every item that will be listed in this thread. I probably am.

I'm the bathroom's blue toilet water. I smell pretty much the same as the toilet water in bottles that she sprays on her neck every day.

I'm just heading off to put my Faith Hill CD into the stereo in the Tuscanesque bathroom. I'm going to light a Spiced Apple and Corn Syrup Yankee Candle (so GOOD!) too. I need a little me-time. I'll be back.

I'm the stifled internal agony and regret of the husband

I am the "baby on board" sticker stuck to the back windshield of the minivan, placed strategically to the left of the family sticker showing the shapes of Dad, Mom, Son, Daughter and the family dog.

[quote]I'm the stifled internal agony and regret of the husband

I'm his abject sadness over the loss of the Craigslist personals section. Where will he find tiny twinks, middle-aged ex-jocks, and BBC bulls NOW?

I’m the empty Amazon, QVC, and Lane Bryant delivery boxes in the recyclables.

I'm the "Make America Great Again" t-shirt

I am the two dozen peanut butter snails Katie Aronson brought to the kid's play rehearsal yesterday afternoon. How does she NOT know that peanut butter is banned from school property? Maybe Katie Aronson should spend less time on Pinterest and more time in the real world. She hasn't lifted a finger to do anything for the spring musical except show up with poisonous snacks. The poor kiddos wouldn't have had an afternoon snack if Katie Tyler hadn't just happened to have a couple of crates of Halos in her car. Katie Richardson told me that Katie Tyler saw the photos Katie Aronson posted so had a hunch a back up snack might be needed. Anyway, Katie McBride was there and she always carries an Epi pen.

I'm the facebook posts of us girls living the good life of Groupon offers.

My husband doesn't take me anywhere.

I am the scrapbooks. Stacks and stacks of scrapbooks.

I am the bottle of white wine in the refrigerator that will be empty before DH gets home.

I'm the bottle of "mother's little helper" sitting in the bottom of the Michael Kors bag. I am best friends with the bottle of Skinny Girl moscato in the fridge.

I'm all the things that were mentioned in the 335 posts in this thread.

I consider The Olive Garden to be haute cuisine. So do my daughters Brandyne, Kennyth and Sloane.

I'm Christmas presents for Braden, Jaden, and Kaden

I'm the risqué colorful hair highlights. And comfy yoga pants. My own frau mother would never let me be so free. I want my girls Ashleigh and Kayleigh to be proud of me. I also want my son Baeleigh's friends to be all hot for me.

I'll be the holiday in Italy where I get to feel young cause I'm still considered attractive by some old Italian fucker who could be my father.

I'm the largest Caramel Cocoa Frappuccino with whipped cream and sprinkles that Starbucks sells. Which I enjoy while walking around the grocery store, wearing flannel pj pants and old filthy house slippers.

I'm the eighties and I want my spiral perm back!

I'm the crocheted TP cozies, in their 2 1/2 baths.

I'm the gaudy as fuck and twice as tacky "statement necklace" from Chico's. See how it calls attention away from my sagging tits and drooping jowls?

I'm the 14-bag Vera Bradley haul that's about to be uploaded to YouTube. I came from a store 90 miles away because all of the local stores have caught on to her excessive returns.

I hope I'm lucky enough to be returned, too! Nothing in my old home, a strip-mall Hallmark store, compares to the stench in this split-level — at the moment it's guinea pig enclosure, Peeps candle, hot BLT dump casserole, and the fishy Desitin she uses to prevent her flaps from chafing.

I'm the yoga pants busting at the seams because of my enormous ass.

Dear Lord in Heaven!

You guys really do have a low opinion of women.

These things all like stuff concerning a blue collar working mother.

OMG I have seen Martina McBride twice in concert and cried.

I'll the sofa she cries on after a drinking binge

My secret vibrator, "Big Cleon."

My girlfriends have only heard about my tasteful little wand.

Any dessert with three references to "chocolate" in the title and the last word in the recipe "death."

It's one possession that doesn't last long in my house! Snork, snork, snork.

I'm the 10 inch black dildo that is hidden in the closet so my DH won't find it and get pissed off. Not because of the size but because of the color.

I'm the two buck chuck they sell at Trader Joe's. I like to keep 8 to10 bottles handy.

I'm the iPhone SE that is now being typed on with adderall-fueled rage at the constant snark that must be faced any time the DL is viewed.

I am the seasonal cats dishwasher door overlays used to celebrate the seasons!

I’m her handknitted wool socks she bought from some artisan at a craft fair. She wears me when she wants to get in a hygge mood, she even makes sure to photograph her feet and post it on Facebook in winter.

I smell.

I'm the Lazy-Boy sofa hawked by Brooke Shields, now stained with cheap red wine after a PTA meeting gone awry.

I'm the row of anti-depressants and muscle relaxer bottles in the kitchen to treat my fibro.

I'm the trembly and snappy Chihuahua mixes I take everywhere in my Tory Burch bag

OR

The stupid as fuck pair of Pugs always peeing in the corner

I'm the third husband she's gone through since aged 19 (she's currently 42).

She broke up with me on Instagram.

I'm this:

r12, if "kiddos," then "doggos."

r20 Which was hers when she was the "Baby on Board."

I'm her wackadoodle friend.

I’m a Thomas Kinkade limited edition framed print displayed proudly over the mantle.

[quote]You guys really do have a low opinion of women.

How dare you imply that all women are fraus.

The gays here know the difference between fraus and real women. Clearly, you don’t.

I’m a Glamour Shots boudoir photo I had done as part of a last ditch effort to save my dying marriage.

I’m the 80s bangs and frau mom hairstyle that is still a variation of the rad hairstyle I had in high school. Sometimes worn with a scrunchie.

We're the pseudonyms she uses to keep the Instagram pedos away...

Picky Pea = DD #1, the anorexic one

Precious RIPea, = DD #2, miscarried at twelve weeks (by far the favorite child)

Piggly Pea = DD #3, the fat one

Persnickety Pea = DS #1, the gayling who despises her

Papa Pea = DH, praying for a quick death

I’m all the time spent defending women on DL, a website for gay men. This usually involves homophobic verbal attacks, for added irony.

I'm the Facebook posts that go on and on about the AMAZING opportunity to WORK FROM HOME!1!! I require a SELF STARTER to join my team, and hundreds of dollars to be spent BUILDING A BUSINESS. You don't have to work 9-5! You can have MOMMY-TIME and be there for your kiddos when they get home from school.

Just a few hours a day building YOUR BRAND!! :)

R63 I honestly have no idea what any of that even means. It was like reading a foreign language. I am curious to know what you're talking about? If someone could explain in plain English, I will be greatly enlightened.

I'm the ubiquitous big, bunchy scarf wadded all up around the neck.

Pssst- girls, we know there's a wattle under there, you're not fooling anybody.

I'm the battered Louis Vuitton shopping bag that gets carried everywhere. I was purchased in mint condition on eBay.

I'm the 2003 GMC Yukon SUV that's about to go on a magickal trip with my two lezzie-bin owners and half dozen adopted troubled minority yutes down the Pacific Coast. I've got a feeling those wacky dykes are up to something. I'll bet this trip ends in tears.

R10 posted the best one. LMAO!

I'm the "Ho! Ho! Ho!" sweatshirt worn unironically during the holidays by a round 40-something cube frau. I am the red and green Hershey kisses in a jar on her desk.

I'm the dry, cracked heels on display in summer when she brings out her bedazzled, "fancy" flip flops.

R66, it is common practice for frauen to assign cutesy social-media names to all family members, ostensibly to protect their privacy. Of course the frau does this while linked to a public Facebook account which shows everyone's personal information.

DH = Darling (or Dear) Husband; DD = Darling Daughter; DS = Darling Son

But those aren't adorable enough on their own so a family theme is established and the kids are named accordingly, frequently highlighting a perceived flaw.

I'm the hot husband u pathetic fags wish you had.

Thanks R73, now I get it. That is some fucked up delusional self-importance on the part of people who actually post that cutsey shit!

I am the frau's very meticulous business card. I am also the extremely detailed and precise email signature lines. The obsessiveness rivals Patrick Bateman, a fictional psychopath, yet I am a real frau. I am PROFESSIONAL!

R74, we’ve had him

I'm R74 's hubby...creeping in a JC Penney handicap stall on my lunch break, waiting for a warm, male, hopefully 20-something mouth to arrive in the contiguous stall to swallow a built-up load from my 6" ungroomed cock, because I'm grossed out by my wife's huge gunt.

I'm r77 and r788, we're sadly delusional.

You just keep thinking that; your husband knows the truth.

R79 fat Frau

It’s not our fault you’re a frau and not a real woman

I’m the pink rhinestone cowboy hat she bought after reading an article called “How to Drive Your Guy Wild” in Glamour. She wore me while doing a sexy lipsynch to “Man, I Feel Like a Woman” for Ken as he walked in from work. He just started laughing. She was still wearing me as she screamed at him, then cried, then ate an entire pan of brownies. Now I live in the bottom of the closet.

Hey, if the foo shits...

R73 I the supreme ecstasy your husband feels when he and have sex, a regular respite for a hour from Frauland, a place that beats him down and makes him feel like he sold his soul to the very devil.

He’d be better off with me. This video says it all.

R60 Oh okay. Which group was R10 speaking about? Fraus or "real women?"

R86 Obviously you fall into this category.

I'm the stretched out Spanx.

Uh-oh! Looks like I need another Spanxing!

I'm the numerous framed photos around the house (and posted on Facebook of course) of "hubby" and I in love. I must prove to everyone how much my husband loves me (despite him Fucking anything that moves) because my marriage is the bane of my existence and everyone must envy me! I have it all! My amazing husband (who can't stand me) and my adorable children (who make my life and everyone's lives around them hell)

I'm the annual carnival cruise vacation. I make fraus believe they are sophisticated and well travelled.

Let's be an OP from flyover country with loser familial females.

Ugh, R90. May they all get explosive diarrhea on that cruise from Norovirus. Then they will STFU for a while.

R90, reminds me of a photo of a Bon Jovi type cruise where some fug "photoshopped" her big chin out leaving the background all amiss.

R86 flicking a big fat booger @ R87.

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

I'm the cramped "crawl space" in case of tornado. Even I am decorated with a photo of the in question frau with her DH and DKs. Nowhere is safe from a Pottery Barn frame containing a B&W shot.

I'm the 99-cent paper tablecloth at her 50 Shades of Grey bunco night. She's going to be furious when one of the Pop Your Cherry shots spills on me, but she'll carefully fold me up and put me in a Rubbermaid storage box anyway.

I'm the bra, panties, and high heels her husband steals and wears while he does nonchalant stuff around the house, while she is gone. She caught him once and thinks he might be one of those transexual people.

She is afraid he might ask her to fuck him with a strap-on, or that he might like dick more than her vagina. She is safe though, he is a lesbian stuck in a man's body. He is all about the v jay jay.

I’m the 3 and 5 yo kids she manages to accidentally take in the ugly room pictures she constantly posts on decor sites, looking for validation that her latest idea to fix her dozen or so mistakes so far is awesome, and that DH is wrong, because he’s a man after all. His only sin is wanting that big bulky pleather recliner.

I am the cases of condensed soup that she gets from Costco to use on her Sandra Lee inspired recipes. Another cheesy ranch chicken pasta bake anyone?

R83 I can imagine this very easily

[quote]Oh okay. Which group was [R10] speaking about? Fraus or "real women?"

Fraus

[quote]Hon, I've been here for 12 years. I know what they think of "real women"

Bullshit. You are a frau, and therefore have no clue.

I'm the "body spray".

I follow jesselauzon on Instagram and ALWAYS comment on his photos of his McCoy flower-pots and jadeite.

I’m the tube of coconut & pear blossom hand moisturizer which she opens up as soon as she sits ar her cubicle desk. You can smell me up to 1,000 feet away.

I’m the assumption that gay men will kiss my ass like straight men do.

I’m the indignation when they don’t

I’m the brain that can’t understand that straight men only kiss my ass because they think there’s a chance they might have my pussy someday.

I’m the logic center in that brain that concludes that gay men must hate women.

I’m the need to make everything about myself.

I'm the Kate Gosselin hairdo with chunky highlights

I'm the Ree Drummond knives

I'm the stinging sense of fury that gay men so accurately know what I'm like. Maybe if I scream "misogyny!" they'll shut up even though I'm aware that gay men can't be misogynistic.

I'm Spiced Pumpkin everything and anything! Tee-hee.

R106 Why in the fuck would gay men kiss women's asses? That does not compute. Call me a frau all you want, but I am a single 58 year old hag who recently inherited a large sum of money. I want to spend what time I have left in Ravello, Lake Como, Bali and Buenos Aires. If that makes me a frau, fine.

None of that makes you a frau

Most women are not fraus. But there is a sub-set that is

The only thing frau-like in your post at r111 is assuming that we are talking about you when we are talking about fraus. That’s a big red flag.

I’m the cheap wine. Cause you know, mommy needs her wine.

Fraus aren't single, by definition.

I'm the collection of Rachael Ray cookbooks sitting on a shelf in the kitchen. I was opened once to make some delish "Late Night bacon".

R90, those don’t look like Fraus. Those are Woo Girls by the looks of it, a subset of Frau. Note, they do convert to full Frau upon marriage.

I'm her father's meaty cock, I was in her multiple times during her formative years. She thinks the man I'm attached to is the "perfect man", she makes sure to tell everyone how "amazing" he is, this helps her deny what happened. She hangs with "her gays" because they make her feel safe, but when they don't comply with her needs she becomes a raging homophobe, because in the Day of Trump every knows the only thing lower & more shameful than Daddy-Daughter fucking are "Rando Pedos" and "Fags"! Fraus love to project their Daddy issues off on to their Gays.

I'm an empty used Hermes shopping bag (or box) bought on eBay, whose photo will be posted on Facebook and IG with the caption "Shopping spree - courtesy of DH!"

I’m the mint condition Victoria’s Secret or LuluLemon shopping bag she carries her lunch in.

r117 Wun Sik Fuk

I'm the doors at Victoria Secret that want to slam shut when you waddle in.

I'm the worn out elastic band in her "yoga pants" I've been pulled over her gut a zillion times, oh and the crotch area smells like shrimp.

I see I struck a nerve with you bitch boys. I once was an ally. No more. I hate how you constantly ridicule us when we are the only ones who would befriend you at one time in history.

[quote]we are the only ones who would befriend you at one time in history

Yes, because gay men never befriended each other in the entire history of civilization.

R123 will be glad to befriend you if you'll do her hair & makeup, style her wardrobe and make her an AMAZING Cosmo drink!! Don't forget your place little Gays!

I'm the box of wine hidden in the back of the bedroom closet.

I'm the New Kids On The Block cruise ship vacation.

I'm on Weight Watchers (just like my BFF, Oprah!) and I'm freestylin'!

I’m the DVD season sets of Friends!

I'm the Dollar Tree pound cake she smears with Cool-Whip and frozen strawberries, then tries to pass off as homemade shortcake at her hen fests.

I’m her book shelf which has lots of Elin Hilldebrand and Nicholas Sparks paperbacks.

Her bookshelf also has some 50 Shades paperbacks near her bible.

I’m her church, The First Kingdom of Jesus and The Resurrection Gospel Tabernacle. She’s a fundie at heart, and almost never misses a Sunday service unless she’s hungover from a girl’s night out (boxed wine and nachos ‘all the way’) the night before. I groan in misery as she sits her fat ass in my pews.

R123, I for one love my straight lady allies. Don’t generalize about all of us. You have to admit that there is some truth in some of these and it’s funny. Others are scary, just block them. People’s worst come out in the internet.

R123, girl, don't them see that they got to you. Big mistake. Besides, isn't the viciousness part of their charm?

I'm the life insurance policy that she thinks of when DH is rilly getting on her last nerve. The stats are in her favor after all and she's mentally spent at least half of it on things that will cheer up the "grieving" widow.

I am the tickets to see Kirk Cameron. Such an inspiration to families! I am tucked in a quilted Vera Bradley wallet inside a Michael Kors pocketbook.

DH and I, along with the kiddos, will be a enjoying dinner at Outback before the show.

I'm the bottle of Vodka under the bed.

I'm the seething sense of resentment she feels bubbling underneath the surface of corny, happy Facebook photos. I'm also a dozen Internet searches on the Susan Smith case in her computer's browser.

Not sure I follow most of these drinking/wine posts.

Most of them are almost complete teetotallers, they view alcohol like sex, something very naughty they only have once a year, like at christmass and even then they're drunk and sobbing by the third glass.

No snide remarks here, just my honest opinion.

I believe that there is a contingent here who truly don't like women/ Whether you call us stinkfish, frauen, bimbos, woo woo girls, the fact is that some men here honestly do wish we would disappear and never return. Having said that, I don't believe they are in the majority...they just make the most noise, and we sometimes forget that they don't represent all male Data Loungers. I do think that these threads are meant to hurt feelings and divide us, and we should not give in to those few who are laughing their asses off now that the hysterical women fee fees are hurt.

I fuckin' love this place, and I love all Data Loungers including Erna. I know as well as I know the nose on my face that if we were to meet in person, we would get along like a house on fire. The vast majority of the women here contribute their fair share to the humor, snark and cuntiness while respecting the L&G's who are the heart of DL. And I would bet my 401K that if the rules of DL suddenly changed, and only gay males were allowed to post after verification of their status, within 2 weeks you guys would miss us. Note: I did not say ALL of us, but the majority of us. .

To the regulars of at least 5 years, face it, we are family. And as with all families we don't always get along or see things the same way. But when the chemistry is working, we have a great time together, and we should ALL treat each other with a tad bit more kindness.

Mary!!

Well, at least today's Hall Monitor is on Ecstasy! Though no one seems to complain much when gay men drag gay men from one side of the DL to the other all day!

[quote]I see I struck a nerve with you bitch boys. I once was an ally. No more. I hate how you constantly ridicule us when we are the only ones who would befriend you at one time in history

First of all, bullshit. You were never an ally. You are a troll.

Second, good. Fuck off.

Boooo!!!!

Back to the topic.... I'm the fuzzy dream-catcher hanging upfront from the rearview mirror.

Even though I am loved as much as the family sticker on the back of this shitty SUV, I still wish I didn't have to listen to her always asking me for ways to stop ubering Kaytlynn, Jaylyn, and Neveah around to their events every damn day.

I also see when the dog pees on the front faux-leather seat.

I'm the fresh chunks on her "I'd Like To Speak To Your Manager" haircut.

That Vera Bradley shit is butt-ugly.

R145, I'm hoping she's on her way into the stylist and not emerging from it...

I'm the Friday night bottle of Fireball, picked up from the Liquor Store because the girls are coming over for Bunko and "shit's 'bout to get CrayCray!"

R140 I think this website was not developed with you in mind. You are a gues who is given permission to post, as is every female on this site.

Yes, this thread is supposed to be funny and demeaning at the same time. Fortunately we do not have to tone it down for your sensitive, entitled feelings. If this site were not riddled with elitist, self-important rants from so many straight women (like the one you posted), this thread may not have happened. This is a GAY website.

R140 is tiresome in her lecturing. And adds nothing of value.

R140 R149 this is my new favorite site to post hot gay porn to and InstaHoe profiles...

"And I would bet my 401K that if the rules of DL suddenly changed, and only gay males were allowed to post after verification of their status, within 2 weeks you guys would miss us. Note: I did not say ALL of us, but the majority of us."

You would loose that bet.

Datalounge survived before you started posting on the site. I assure you it would be fine if you left.

I apologize to everyone who found my post to seem entitled" and presumptuous.

I guess I was wrong.

R153 Go FUCK your Dad, Cunt!

I'm the Jezebel account with an ironic popular culture reference that's twelve years out of date. I was never as funny or clever as my owner thought. Maybe one day she will forget about me and let me die in peace.

R153 dont apologize- you came from a good place, but you provided a slight speed bump on the DL highway of Fuckery, mischief, depraved insanity & comic cruelty!!!

I'm the secret safe deposit box that contains the stash of FU money along with an envelope full of incriminating photos of the bruisy nature, just in case.

I've made at least two posts in this thread. I'm a woman and I greatly enjoy this topic. I have some frau tendencies. Who cares? It's just my opinion, I don't think this thread is a sign of intense misogyny.

I’m the Cricut machine my husband got me for Christmas. I keep her busy, which was the point.

I’m the “Namaste In Bed” t-shirt.

I'm an old magazine photo of Robert Pattinson appearing next to Kristen Stewart saved in a scrapbook. Except that Kristen's face is covered by the frau's high school graduation photo... she's also drawn hearts around the super-couple.

I'm the Facebook posts pushing the latest MLM scams. I say that I've lost 30 pounds (I haven't), the leggings I sell are the best (they aren't), and I have roped my entire family into buying this crap.

That's ZULILY to YOU, r22!

I’m the unsaid regret when I look at my fat kids who excel at nothing.

I’m the scensy, arbonne, passion party, Lula roe and Rodan and fields products collecting dust from my failed business frau career.

I’m all the shitty souvenirs and gifts the kids have bought for me over the years on my birthday and when they go on trips — all shoved into a neglected drawer.

I’m the position I take on the Alo vs Kino struggle — I’m passionate about it!

I'm the decal blocking Lindsay's rear window.

[quote]I love all Data Loungers including Erna.

There is something wrong with you.

I am the still full bottle of Osphena in the Frau's medicine cabinet I have sat unused for 4 months. Little does she know that the hubby has moved on to a tighter more warm orifice belonging to Mike his "gym buddy" . The eldest daughter is graduating college this summer, the husband has his exit strategy planned out already. Mike and husband will soon be moving to Palm Springs using funds that husband has been secretly saving to an online bank.

R104 , WW. Perfect!

I'm the rolls of gift wrap that I ask my co-workers to buy, as fund raisers for my kids school.

I'm the whole tub of Pringles she devours while watching THIS IS US. Chrissy Metz is sooooo beautiful and inspiring.

Just back. This thread started out well until -- unsurprisingly and without a shred of irony -- it was ruined by women. Oh, well. Get to FF'ing R140 and co. I already have.

I am this frau's YouTube video detailing her purchases at the yankee candle store (with coupons of course)

This may be the frauiest Frau I have ever seen.

R175 I love her. She'd call me her "Fag", I love being degraded

I'm this fraus mommy blog post where she begs yankee candle to come out with a winery scented candle so she can relive that glorious girls night out at the winery. All housewives will love it she swears! These bitches are pathetic. I'm glad I'm hot, single & childless and have a life, real career, friends and tons of cock at my disposal. These Frau threads crack me up. Keep it up the good work DL. Any females crying about these threads are Fraus.

I'm the Wine Country candle R177 forgot buying during one of her Pinnacle Caramel Cheesecake Vodka, Klonopin, and Lyrica blackouts.

R175 that IS the frauist frau ever. Block letter on wall: check. Highlights in hair: check. Overweight from aintdepressants: check. Inflated sense of how interesting she is: CHECK!

[r175] Is that the same cunt from, I believe, Wisconsin who posted a YouTube video of herself screaming because a store didn't have a particular candle?

jesselauzon asks for a friend

Just how large would a 401-K from Hobby Lobby be anyway?

Oh my god, did I come across as a fundie?

My youngest son is displaying gay tendencies. I pray for his future. Good lord, why me.

I'm the get-out-of-work-early card. I conveniently appear when there are important deadlines, last-minute priorities, but I am most useful for sudden "work-from-home" days. She's #blessed, and she wants all you single ladies to know that your day may come too.

Once the kiddos are big enough to be semi-independent, I also am ideal for use during flare ups of fibromyalgia. I am sometimes accompanied by the well wishes from online prayer warriors.

R178 You win with that post!

I am the makep bag filled with drugstore makeup purchased with coupons. Even though she can afford a higher end brand, with better colors which would make her look more polished.

I'm the workout gear! Bought to go running with my sidekicks!

R157 you are my spirit animal (although I think spirit animals are a frau idea)

I am the handcrafted mug, to be lovingly cradled.

I'm the elaborate coffee bar with Rae Dunn pottery that I created specifically for its Instagram-ability.

I'm the woman who doesn't know what half this shit is and doesn't care.

And this is why I'm alienated from my gender.

I'm the adult coloring book collection.

I'm my husband's balls, which are in my purse.

I'm the yoga mat, all rolled up.

I'm Spanx.

I'm Grey Goose -

I'm Lane Bryant, the Holy Grail of Frau Officewear.

I'm the latest giant-sized Starbucks concoction of chocolate syrup, whipped cream, whole milk, and two or three other artery-clogging ingredients, only because drinking a giant-sized Dairy Queen Blizzard in front of the entire office at 8am would be too embarrassing.

I'm the reservation for a spa day.

This is the image that accompanies "Frau Possessions" in the Modern Webster's Dictionary Unabridged edition.

I'm the iPhone S Plus in rose gold, no extra GBs.

I'm the collection of Ree Drummond cookbooks!

I'm a peach bellini candle!

I'm the massive collection of designer store bags and shoe boxes which contain designer handbags, shoes and assorted clothing from Prada, Gucci, Chanel et al which I have spent tens of thousands of dollars on and which I carefully hide in the trunk of my car. My husband drives the family car. I earn more than my husband which allows me to dress so well but I have to hide it.

When he notices that I am wearing something new and asks about it, I say: "This piece of crap? Oh it's fake copy from the Philippines..." about a $4000 Prada handbag and he believes it every single time.

I'm several pairs of Spanx worn at the same time.

I'm very much looking forward to whomever starts the "Let's Be Faggot Possessions" thread!

Bitter hateful Frau alert @ R207!!! Be gone, fish!!!

r155, Fraus don't do Jezebel. Fraus think Jezebel are a bunch of man-hating lesbians and liberals.

Stained white panties. Don't make me spell it out.....

R205 - seems a bit of an anomaly, no?

Im the collection of angels required in every frau household. Mostly I am either white or cream colored with some weathering and/ or antiquing - the gold ones are strictly holiday and an entirely different animal. A couple in the kitchen - one on the windowsill above the sink. A couple in bathrooms - definitely in the one she uses, and probably in the guest powder room - and lastly, on her night stand. I'd guess we are 75% cherub like and 25% adult angels ........we answer prayers and protect the household from bad things. Actually, we are resin crap from Hong Kong.

I'm the humorless, dried up, bitter, angry, man-hating female poster who usually spends most of her time starting anti-trans threads and then posting horrific lies, made up bullshit and lines that come right out of the right-wing crazy Christians handbook about trans people which sound eerily similar to what those exact same Christians say about gay people! I'll insist that every single trans person is mentally ill and a rapist who is just dying to get into female bathrooms so they can rape everyone!

I'm also posting at R207 in this thread.

Do Yankee Candles make a high-fructose corn syrup and bleeding pad scented candle?

I'm the F&F everyone should give that homophobe at R207.

Oh, God! Tell me that R175 is a DLer in drag! No way that can be real! That frau parody is way toooooo over the top!

Coupons! Wall designs! Yankee Candles! Hall! Cutesy font! Banal blogging! Nails and double chin!

That's levels of frau that shouldn't even be possible!

I'm the sense of entitlement.

I'm the gay 'friends' she views as possessions, once they dare express a thought beyond a Stanford Blatch ego-fluffing they will be dumped faster than her size 16 pants after Christmas.

I'm the ingredients for dinner, a cheesy pasta nacho one-pot casserole bake!

I'm bathroom clutter to help breed mould.

....

Fraus hate Chrissy Metz. They patronize her because, hey, a post-child muffin top may remain but they're not as fat as her.

What?! They love her...

I'm the frau who rants about Bath & Body Works candles...

I'm the chemical stench coming off of all those Yankee Candles, two or three of which are burning at any given time. No matter what the scent is, it smells like something toxic.

I'm the boxes full of MLM leggings in the attic that my husband doesn't know I got sucked into buying.

I'm the tacky Candies sandals which are worn everywhere, including the office.

R224 And for what? For some candles? There's more to life than candles, you know. Don'tcha know that? And here ya are, and it's a beautiful day. Well. I just don't understand it.

I’m the newly divorced frau trying to be hip again with bad makeup, bad haircut, bad highlights, even worse shoes. I dug out my old jeans with the low rise and sparkles on the pockets, and my Ed Hardy tees. I’m ready world, watch out!

R137 Actually, I am in the deep freezer.

I'm the stack of books I meant to read for my book club.

R213 I, on the other hand, am the homophobia and Munchausen fueling Barbara to take 7-year-old Timmy to a Certified Gender Therapist (TM) for staring too long at a Sears sequin dress.

r232 is one of those idiots equating acceptance of trans people with "homophobia" when the opposite is true - the same freepers who hate gays also hate trans people, it's antigay Republicans passing all those bathroom laws. Most white "fraus" are Trump voters who hate gays AND trans people.

R233 Is not aware that Dialing With Pencil and fancying the same sex are now part of a Trans Kid (TM) diagnosis.

R233 Believes transgender acceptance comes at the expense of gay existence.

I’m her Pinterest page, loaded with cheesy pasta ranch chicken bake recipes. And 1,000,000,000,000,000 other pasta casseroles. I make desserts using candy bars and Jello instant pudding.

Holy shit, I had no idea what that Rae Dunn crap was, and how popular it is. The TJ Maxx stores here have a buttload of it on clearance. I should probably buy and resell it. A cookie jar could pay for a coffee date at Irving Farms Roasters with one of the gals from my SoulCycle class!

I am there cheap foo-foo metal crosses from Hobby Lobby all over my living room walls...where there aren't decals, of course

^^ THE^^^^^

This. On VHS.

I"m the never worn size 4 cocktail dress purchased t as motivation to get in shape

I'm the maternity pants from six years ago that have simply been incorporated into the fraus everyday not maternity wardrobe.

I'm gonna send Jen from Appleton to punch R175 in the face for that annoying post.

R175 - The ampersands on her back wall...what a clever idea!

I'm the 2 pair of Ivanka Trump heels, in bone and black that used to be proudly worn everywhere, now only for the Rotary and Republican Women's functions.

I’m the bag full of Arbonne products I haven’t sold.

a purse full of pads.

My Frau mother loves nothing better than mason jars full of grains out on display in the kitchen, and huge square containers in every room such as wicker baskets and pine chests. She also looks favorably on frosted glass, laminate flooring and tealights, as well Asmara superfluous shelving full of untouched cookbooks. She looks forward to annual IKEA visits and makes no secret of her knockoff Kors handbag.

She despises full-size scented candles, though, as she’s allergic to most and thinks they’re “tacky”. Tealights are a hit with her at Christmastime, though.

God bless Joanna Gaines!

Going to a Draper James in-store signing so mah gerl Reese can sign my copy of Whiskey In A Teacup!

Nashville road trip, moms?

I'm the various sized muffin pans. Minis are for making cute ones to pass around the office, large are for family gatherings, and jumbo are all for me on the first day pumpkin spiced lattes are back!

I am a cleaning, decorating and shop with me YouTube channel. Most of my videos center around displaying my massive and ever-growing Rae Dunn pottery collection (long letter items only, of course).

I'm the recipe file in which the word 'addictive' is inexplicably prominent -- "Be warned: This cake is dangerously addictive", "Totally Addictive Three Chocolate Brownies" and "These cookies are addictive. Double batch!"

I’m the surviving of incest. I’ll proclaim my Daddy to be the greatest and take out my festering aggression towards him & men by dominating my gay friends.

I'm the unused match boxes collected from all of the gay bars my girlfriends and I have visited upon our treks to gay mecca's around the country. I just don't understand why none of the gay boys want to visit us and do our hair in exchange for room and board.

[bold] The One Where The Sorts Of Gay Men Who Are Frequently Lumped Together With "Fraus" And Share Many Of The Same Interests Continue To Flesh Out Their Bizarre Obsession With These Incredibly Uninteresting Middlebrow, Middle Aged, Middle Class, Middle American Women [/bold]

I'm the box of donuts she has bought specifically to eat while watching This Is Us.

[italic] I'm the box of donuts many DLers buy specifically to eat while watching This Is Us. Later that day they will post that they are "fit fat" [/italic]

I'm the Pilates mat purchased as part of her annual abandoned attempt to 'lose fifteen pounds' (despite having gained at least fifty since her first attempt to 'lose fifteen pounds') that was barely used and now sits under her bed.

I am the maxed out Pottery Barn credit card. My home interior looks like a PB catalog.

I am an unused membership at Curves and Living Well Lady

I'm the Hobby Lobby gift card.

So weird-- I was just perusing iVillage and there was a thread called "Let's Be Gay Men's Possessions"

I'M THE FUCKING SCENTED CANDLES!!!!!

I am the incredibly unflattering, rose-pink capri pants ( size 2K, bought at Kohls) hanging in the closet.

I’m the collagen/vitamin gummies. She eats me like candy because that’s what I am.

I'm Anne Murray's triple CD 'Golden Very Very Best' available only through a special TV offer. Four were sold.

I’m the posting of “love you to the moon and back” on SM under pictures of grandchildren.