Hallmark Christmas Movies

I bet this will make for a hit thread, being June and all.

I saw an article last week how they have something 35 Christmas movies in production for this upcoming holiday season. (And not a gay character in any of 'em!)

Mrs. Claus, aka Joanne, is a big dyke.

Hallmark is having some Christmas in July marathon, R1. Why don't you go to The Mortimer Club by yourself, hm?

Also known as: The Unbrearable Whiteness of Being OP.

Some of them are good, most are not.

I’m a big fan Op!! The production and acting are surpringly good!

Some observations:

The leading men are all flaming and good looking!

The stories are basically all the same

Love the Christmas scenery

So relaxing to watch - I usually watch them before bed

Is this where you go when your career is dead?

Loon alert

If it has Luke MacFarlane, I'll watch

R6 is a mug-cradler.

r6 pretty much sums it up. ALL the movies are exactly the same.

The leading man is a hunk. The leading woman tries to be strong, but really needs the leading man to help her. Sometimes there are orphans involved, but there are always children involved. There are always townspeople who have a change of heart. Christmas is generally going to be ruined unless the leading man rallies everyone to work together to stop whatever the conflict is. And in the end, Christmas is saved. And no matter, where the show is set (even in the Sahara Desert), there will always be snow flurries on Christmas Eve. Always.

These really are awful and as an "elder-gay" at 55, I find it really sad to see how Hallmark's TV production has declined over th decades.

Once upon a time, in the land of 3 television networks when it was announced that Hallamark had a new TV movie coming, it was bound to be high quality and actually involving.

Now it's the same old same old story line - young WHITE woman has left home for the big city (she's now a high profile reporter, no a doctor!, no - involved in finance!). She reluctantly goes back to her home town (named Shady Haven or Heavenly Lakes or Happyfields). There she finds herself irritated by her parents who need her assistance to save the bakery, the family farm, the medical practice - OMG! Dad makes house calls! How quaint - or diner. After battling her former high school flame (who's good-looking, but somewhat neutered in the dick dept) she finds the error of her ways and decides to stay in town, help her parents and chastely kiss the somewhat neutered old flame (oh and he's a widower with an adorable daughter who automatically bonded with the wayward woman from the big city).

BLECH.

This is the prototype for the wacky villager who helps the heroine find the error of her ways...

Starring Christine Baranski and Bobby Cannavale!

My 80 year old mother watches the Sunday night Hallmark movies

Who is that r13?

R11, sometimes the non-hunk (who is secretly a hunk and rich) will take her away from the main hunk.

I love this shit. My favorite is a piece of tripe called "Christmas Kiss". I think it is the Patti Hearst lookalike as the interior designer.

R14, the cover of that makes it look like the ingenue is making fun of Baranski's multitude of facelifts/work

I usually avoid that kind of dreck, especially Christmas themed movies. But I did actually watch this one last year and it was not that bad:

Kristin's Christmas Past

[quote]A smart, sassy, 34-year-old woman who is estranged from her family goes to sleep alone on Christmas Eve and wakes up Christmas morning seventeen years into her past to relive the worst Christmas of her life. But this time she is able to go back and change not only her imperfect past, but also her less than perfect future

OOPS I think this was actually on Lifetime.

Would it really be so bad for them if they made a gay themed movie? It's not like straight men watch these movies and I think some women can get into it.

Hole for Christmas is currently in development, R20.

The Patty Duke one where she takes in a run away teenage boy. I'm weeping as I type.

They are all the rage ratings-wise

I always enjoy "A Family Thanksgiving" with Daphne Zuniga and Faye Dunaway. The lead is some unknown actor, but he sure is handsome.

I also suggest "Matchmaker Santa" with Florence Henderson. It's just darling. It's a mix of romance and a little humor.

Jesus is the reason for the season.

Don't forget me!

Amen and amen!

The Dick Handler quartet.

I love these movies too - almost as formulaic as Keeping Up Appearances.

Now there’s an idea - what if the BBC and Hallmark got together to produce a Keeping Up Appearances Holiday movies, with Candace Cameron Bure as the guest star who learns some valuable lessons?

The leading man is always a hunk. In addition, he always lives in a small town. Probably he makes furniture, or is at least an artist of some sort.

The leading lady is always average-good looking. (So that the female audience can identify, I guess)

The rival for the woman's affection always commits the unforgivable crime of wanting to earn a decent living....most often, he lives in...

"THE CITY." An evil place indeed.

Everyone always uses two hands to sip their steaming mugs of hot chocolate....unless...

the steaming mug is Folger's Coffee.

I watch way too many of these things.

Yes, but Drew Fuller in "The Ultimate Gift" was mighty fine.

Harmless lighthearted formulaic fare. Pretty people and scenery. No serious issues and no crime and most of all, none of the disgusting religion of peace. That is the main attraction for me. I can pretend these filthy pricks and their camel faced spouses do not exist. And they sure are better than most of television. Big bang theory, young Sheldon, how to get away with murder, veep, shitting with the stars. Please.

Do they ever show any male nudity?

It's Hallmark not Showtime R32

Have there ever been black or Hispanic leads?

It's Hallmark, so no R34

Datalounge has officially become i-Village.

No more nightly Golden Girls (regularly at every night from 11 pm to 1 am) until after Christmas. To make room for these crappy movies. Damn you, Hallmark.

Horrible horrible movies yet I find them at times comforting. Clearly I find comfort in punishing myself. My favorite terrible hallmark Christmas movie stars steve Gutenberg as single Santa seeking and falling in love with crystal Bernard. They even made a sequel.

Both Alicia Witt and Lacey Chabert discovered they were never going to be A-listers, so why not be stars of Christmas TV movies shot in Canada?

I watched one a few years ago with a terribly-aged Nicholas Brendon (I guess all the Hallmark Hunks were busy cradling their mugs in equally quaint movies of the same premise) and some haggard blonde frau who looked like a before scenario in an antidepressant commercial. They knew each other when they were kids and met up again twenty-some years later but somehow didn't realize they were childhood friends until the end of the movie or something. I don't know, it was stupid. Oh and it had something to do with a dog. Maybe it was Lifetime. Their Christmas movies are more or less interchangeable.

But the worst/best one I ever saw was called Christmas Twister, and, well, it's exactly what you'd think from the title.

R34, the only time I can recall an African American actress having a role in a Hallmark channel movie was when Lisa Welchel starred in a two hour movie on the network. Kim Fields was in the cast... Lisa and Kim ran a wedding planning business.

It was the usual stupidity; Lisa's son comes home from school with girlfriend/fiance. Her father is a divorce atty. Get it? Lisa makes weddings and happiness happen, the girlfriend's father is cynical about "happily ever after".

Of course they're going to fall in love.

Here's the thing... I like Lisa - she's very good. I like Kim, she's also very good. I could actually see them starring in a TV show together, something on Hallmark.

Secretly love them. Will binge the channel during the holidays. Guys in it are usually hot. I skip CCB Movies.

r34/r41: "A Snow Globe Christmas" starred Alicia Witt and Donald Faison as the romantic leads.

It would be pretty cool if Hallmark did a Christmas movie with Lis and Kim where they lez it up!

I just discovered Hallmark this summer when I started watching their mysteries: Garage Sale Murders, Murder She Baked, Gourmet Detective, Aurora Teagarden Mysteries, etc. They are my guilty pleasures, nobody knows I watch this shit! So comforting and great to watch after a hard day at work.

I’m going to check out the Christmas ones based on this thread

A couple of nights ago, I caught the last 5-10 minutes of the one that had, wait for it... Kristin Davis, Eric McCormack and...Shirley Maclaine! By the look of it, it seems that the abomination was filmed in front of a green screen with the skyline of Chicago painted in.

Why the fuck do they show these ‘round the clock from halloween to New Years?

Fraus have awful taste. Fraus make GOOP a viable company.

They are terrible, heterosexual, and cliche as all get out, and I usually loathe romantic comedies. Why do I love this shit, then? I have to stop myself from watching them until Thanksgiving, or I will OD.

It's only the Xmas ones. The same formula with other holidays/plots does not work, even if I worship the lead. Shannen D's The Big One, about a pumpkin patch, usual plot, was turned off after 20 minutes.

[quote] Kristin Davis, Eric McCormack and...Shirley Maclaine!

Oh, dear! Is this my future?

R45, I guess I should type, "I'm lucky that the Hallmark channel you write about is not available in my cable package." I'd probably watch the mysteries - I'm a sucker for them - Christ I make an attempt every Friday evening to enjoy Midsome Murders on a local PBS station.

Now there's a program I do not understand - Midsomer Murders! Oh, if only somebody had just arrived in one episode and murdered the entire cast. Mass poisoning perhaps at one of the many twee town fairs? the murderer will be revealed to be Tom and Joyce's daughter Culley (who commits suicide by driving her car into the Causton police station)!

Why haven't they ever based one of their Xmas movies around a gay male couple? That would be amazing!

Probably for the same reason LOGO doesn’t make their movies about deplorable stuff

R51 Midsomer Murders is my guilty pleasure! I've been binge-watching it for the past few months on Netflix. I'm up to series 12 or 13 I think.

[quote]Why the fuck do they show these ‘round the clock from halloween to New Years?

Just like the radio stations that started playing Christmas music the day after Halloween...OVERKILL

These shows are hilarious. There are so many, I watched one or two a day until Christmas. One out of ten are really good, but most are ridiculous. I love to see what the plots going to be and how many of the actors I recognize from the other movies. They're stupid, but they helped me get through the Christmas season when my mom died. She was Christmas, so I found the season hard, but these movies are camp, you don't have to think while watching them and I love to check out the houses and Christmas decor.

Some are good. "The Nine Lives of Christmas" I watched because it starred cats (and Brandon Routh) and it wasn't as bad as the others - where a skinny blonde discovers being a career bitch is an emotionally empty path, and she needs to move to a small town and marry the dude who owns a Christmas tree farm.

Meghan Markle was in one, but IIRC she played a white woman (well at least had white parents, siblings and love interest). There was a Latina female lead in one, but she also had a white male love interest. Hallmark has been criticized for its lack of diversity in casting.

It is hilarious to see all the winter "snow scenes" in these movies, where the cast is bundled up in winter gear, trudging through the snow, and you can see all of the leafy green trees in the background. Especially the ones set in NYC, which rarely has significant, lasting snow before Christmas, and can often be 50 - 60 degrees in December.

R22 the movie with Patty Duke is called Always Remember I Love You. It is a great movie, also starring Joan Van Ark.

recommend one or two good Hallmark XMas films

[quote]It is a great movie, also starring Joan Van Ark.

Now THERE'S a sentence you don't see every day!

Eva Larue was in one, isn’t she Latino adjacent?

My elderly mother frequently has those Hallmark movies playing. They’re cozy.

How many of you are cradling your mugs while reading this thread?

I'm pissed that Hallmark is benching "The Golden Girls" and "I Love Lucy" for this shitfest.

[Italic]Recommendations:[/Italic]

• “The Christmas Card” (2006)—starring John Newton as a soldier who meets the woman (Alice Evans) who send him a touching card. Her father (an Emmy nominated Edward Asner) tries to bring them together.

• “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year” (2008)—starring Henry Winkler as a visiting uncle who matches his niece (Brooke Burns) with a creative non-confirmist (Warren Christie).

• Debbie Macomber’s “Mrs. Miracle” (2009) and “Call Me Mrs. Miracle” (2010)—Both star, in the title role, an excellent Doris Roberts.

[/Italic][Italic]Recommendations:[/Italic]

• “The Christmas Card” (2006)—starring John Newton as a soldier who meets the woman (Alice Evans) who send him a touching card. Her father (an Emmy nominated Edward Asner) tries to bring them together.

• “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year” (2008)—starring Henry Winkler as a visiting uncle who matches his niece (Brooke Burns) with a creative non-confirmist (Warren Christie).

• Debbie Macomber’s “Mrs. Miracle” (2009) and “Call Me Mrs. Miracle” (2010)—Both star, in the title role, an excellent Doris Roberts.

Thanks R66 R67

Sometimes I will need some mindless fluff when wrapping presents or something, so I'll turn the Hallmark channel on. I usually binge watch a day or so worth of movies each holiday season. That's about as much as I can take.

I do have one guilty pleasure movie, cause I have a wee crush on the main actress. It's pretty bad though, but it does have the Outlander guy in it too.

R54, I always wonder how the town has any people left. They've all been murdered!

Why don't they ever show the couples in bed together? Are we to believe that none of these attractive single people have sex?

Sex is too gaudy for Christmas.

As a straight woman I can't stand those terrible frau central hallmark movies. I don't watch hallmark channel even though I have it on my channel list. I just skip right over it and lifetime channel. I really do not understand what certain women see in those tv movies, for one most are too preachy.

Gives a lot of white actors work

R69, unfortunately the name "Midsomer' seems to refer to a region in England - I guess a US county would be equivalent? They keep killing off one person per town and start over I guess. that way they can keep killing people decade after decade after decade.

Now if every murder took place in Causton, no one would be left!

Hallmark needs to realize that only thing they show that is watchable is I love lucy reruns.

When I had Hallmark on my channel lineup I’d watch it for the male eye candy. I would have enjoyed a gay version even more.

R74 Midsomer is the UK's answer to Cabot Cove.

I watched one yesterday. It was about a woman taking care of her dead sister's children when they were invited to spend Christmas with their grandfather in his castle. He was a Duke in England. I don't usually like hallmark movies but this one was cute. I was home sick and it was a bit of fluff. The story lines are bad in Hallmark movies but I enjoy the cozy Christmas sets in some of them. Snowy days, sparkling lights, cut houses all decked out.

After Trump was elected that's all I watched for a month. They brought me great comfort even though they all basically have the same plot. I especially like the ones where some bitch gets to go back in time and right her wrongs.

R74, there still seems to be at least 2 murders per episode. Sometimes even more! The murder rate has to be the highest in fictional England.

It's fun to make bets on how many murders per episode there will be.

R78 What was the name of the film?

R74 I like the mystery novels by Louise Penney. She is a Canadian author and the stories take place in the small town of Three Pines outside of Montreal. They are cleverly written and two of the recurring characters in the series are a gay couple who own a B&B and bistro in the town. The series features artists, poets and eccentrics and a lot of hanging out eating yummy pastries and drinking cafe au lait. There is a murder in the tiny town every year they they are really quite clever. My favorite book is How the Light Gets In. It brilliantly captures the lives of artists.

R42, come sit by me.

Last year I watched and liked "Home By Christmas" with Linda Hamilton.

"Julia Bedford (Linda Hamilton) is a dedicated homemaker living in a modestly affluent neighborhood with her successful husband and sixteen-year-old daughter. When Julia discovers that her husband is cheating on her, her world is rocked. In their pending divorce, with most of her husband s assets carefully hidden, Julia is left with nothing except her car and her barely realistic child support checks. After moving into a small apartment, Julia tries to make do while working a minimum wage job. Her daughter hates their new scaled-down life and convinces her father and his new girlfriend to let her live with him. When Julia finally hits rock bottom and finds herself living in their car, she decides to begin her comeback--and ultimately discovers what s really valuable in life."

My favorite of the Hallmark Christmas movies is SEASON FOR MIRACLES, starring Carla Gugino, the beautiful David Conrad, and Patty Duke. It’s just warm, fun and ends predictably, which is one reason I like it so. THE CHRISTMAS WISH is another, although I don’t think it’s a Hallmark. It’s stars a pre-out Neal Patrick Harris, Naomi Watts(?!?), and Debbie Reynolds. It’s in a much more serious vein, but there’s a romance subplot. It’s slow moving, but it always manages to get me teared up at the end.

Midsomer has a higher crime rate than Hudson University.

I saw the one with the Duke and the kids. It's a Crown For Christmas, I believe.

Christmas Kiss, 2011: Elizabeth Rohm chews some scenery as the head designer/boss, and Brendan Fehr as the curiously wooden millionaire. The sequel is terrible, same story, very little Rohm.

A Christmas Memory (1966)

The Thanksgiving Visitor (1967)

this week premieres

Saturday night: The Sweetest Christmas starring Lacey Chabert, Lea Coco (who is a man)

Plot: After breaking up with her long-term boyfriend just before the holidays, passionate baker Kylie reconnects with her high school sweetheart, Nick. Thanks to their newly rekindled friendship, Kylie uses Nick’s restaurant to prepare for a gingerbread baking competition with a large cash prize that would help her open her own bakery.

Sunday night: Enchanted Christmas starring Alexa PenaVega, Carlos PenaVega

Plot: Young widow Laura Trudeau was a remarkable dancer. As a project manager she is tasked with renovating a dilapidated lodge in her hometown of Rosemont, Utah and have it ready by Christmas Eve. She is stunned to discover it’s the same lodge where she and her former love and dance partner Ricardo Archuleta performed each

all of them

and on the Hallmark Movies and Mysteries channell there is another set of "new" Christmas movies

R90, A few changes would make it so much more watchable and tantalizing:

Plot: After breaking up with her long-term fuckbuddy just before the holidays, passionate nymphomaniac Kylie reconnects with her high school stud, Nick. Thanks to their newly rekindled friendship with benefits, Kylie uses Nick’s restaurant to prepare for a gangbang competition with a large cash prize that would help her open her own strip club.

I have seen a few over the years. It is the same film with a different cast from what I saw. Of course the happy ending on Christmas Eve or Day is requisite. They have provided extended careers for soap actors and C-list sitcom or drama actors.

Saturday World Premiere: Coming Home for Christmas

starring: Danica McKellar, Neal Bledsoe

Plot: Lizzie Richfield is at a crossroads when she lands a job as a house manager for the exquisite Ashford Estate in the Virginia countryside. While preparing the place for sale, Lizzie plans one final Christmas Eve gala for the Marley family, though they seem to be a family in name only.

Sunday World Premiere: A Gift to Remember

Starring: Peter Porte, Ali Liebert

Plot: After colliding with a pedestrian on her bicycle who loses his memory following the accident, Darcy Archer becomes determined to help the handsome guy figure out who he is. In the process, she finds out a lot more about who she is, what she wants from life, and how this too-good-to-be-true guy might just be the man she’s been waiting to bump into all her life.

On right now (EST 4:35 pm)

Luke Macfarlane, in the Mistletoe Promise.

I can't believe anybody here would watch Hallmark Christmas movies, but you all are making me feel on trend by sneaking a few of those cup cradling confections.

I've watched many. They range from unwatchable to backgound noise to almost not bad.

I started to watch one the other night, Nutcracker Christmas, about this woman who grows up to be a ballerina and must postpone dancing to the Nutcracker because her sister dies. She wants to dance but her dancer boyfriend says she shouldn't. She starts being a cunt to him when he says she should be with family. I turned it off because of her cuntiness.

If any woman dares to desire a career beyond being a florist, or a pastry chef who lives in a small town, every Hallmark movie will teach her that she can only be fulfilled by living in a small town as a pasty chef or florist, and of course, reuniting with her old high school boyfriend.

I enjoyed Murder She Baked: A Plum Pudding Mystery

I think all these Hallmark Christmas movies come from people who watched "The House Without A Christmas Tree" in the 1970s. "Plain Jane" Addie, her angry father and menopausal grandmother caused such a blowback that the 1980s up to now had to create "feel good" Christmas stories with career women and beautiful men. Christmas movies had to be slick, sexy and showy.

Luke Macfarlane is starring in "Maggie's Christmas Miracle," and it's on right now. They've already telegraphed the big surprise reveal, but I'm waiting for it anyway.

[quote]The Patty Duke one where she takes in a run away teenage boy. I'm weeping as I type.

That one wasn't a Hallmark movie. It was on CBS and the revelations about the boy would have been too heavy for a Hallmark movie. Broadcast networks sometimes made good movies and Patty Duke did great work in a lot of them.

Murder She Baked?!

[quote]THE CHRISTMAS WISH is another, although I don’t think it’s a Hallmark. It’s stars a pre-out Neal Patrick Harris, Naomi Watts(?!?), and Debbie Reynolds. It’s in a much more serious vein, but there’s a romance subplot. It’s slow moving, but it always manages to get me teared up at the end.

That one wasn't Hallmark. It was on ABC or CBS and used to be rerun on Lifetime. I think Naomi Watts hit big a year or two later after doing that TV movie.

I'm going through "Golden Girls" withdrawal thanks to these incredibly shitty movies.

Crown for Christmas

Bunch of mug-cradlers.

How Hallmark’s Christmas Movies Took Over Television

In 2017 I can't believe there are those who still settle for basic cable to get their [italic]Golden Girls[/italic] fix now that it's on Hulu, and the DVDs should be dirt cheap by now compared to what they cost when they first came out.

The real bottom of the barrel of Christmas TV movies are those shown on ION and “directed” by David DeCoteau.

I'm so glad this shitfest is almost over.

[quote]They have provided extended careers for soap actors and C-list sitcom or drama actors.

Once daytime soaps end completely those actors will be battling it out for roles in Hallmark movies. Of course, they will have competition with people like Alison Sweeny, Candace Christian Bure, and Lacey Chabert.

[quote]In 2017 I can't believe there are those who still settle for basic cable to get their Golden Girls fix now that it's on Hulu, and the DVDs should be dirt cheap by now compared to what they cost when they first came out.

I have the DVDs, but I'll admit that I sometimes will watch if I see episodes airing on Logo. With Hallmark, I won't ever bother because they edit episodes and it was shitty of them to edit out the scenes AIDS stricken boy in The Days and Nights of Sophia Petrillo episode.

Logo is part of Viacom and all their channels are ruthless with cutting the shows they rerun.

.......

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[quote]Kristin's Christmas Past

Kristin's Christmas Past was directed by Jim Fall the director of "Trick". Go figure! He's done a few of them.

[quote]The Patty Duke one where she takes in a run away teenage boy. I'm weeping as I type.

Technically "Always Remember I Love You" is outside the genre of a Hallmark Christmas movie. It originally aired on CBS and seems to have a larger budget. It is one of the best and one of my absolute favorite tv movies ever. Patty Duke and Richard Masur are both excellent as is the young boy, Stephen Dorff.

I was in a Hallmark Christmas movie a couple years ago, I had a pretty nice role.

It was so much fun and everyone was lovely. I will never bad mouth them again.