Worst Acts Evah!

Always a classic

To get on Merv Griffin, this guy must have gotten ON Merv Griffin.

Criminal that those aren't PLATFORM boots.

R1 OMG! I've never seen this! I'm laughing so hard, I'm crying!

Who can forget Miss Lake Dardanelle?

Church lady can't sing

Ah, the 70s, when everyone and her sister got to do a variety show, no matter how multi-untalented they were:

Merna looks like she's brandishing an AK-47 just out of camera range.

Jeannie gets funky y'all

A DL classic courtesy of Miss Leslie Uggams:

That's a good one R7! Well, at least Lynda was truly a knockout.

I had no idea the Lady Bunny was performing in the70s.

So bad it's... still bad.

Because Bonney M owns this thread

I dunno, those girls look great to me R14

Boney M were fantastic camp. Love 'em.

Ouch.

R13: That's the only good part of that whole misbegotten special. Even LucyMAME was less painful to watch, honestly.

This international gay icon and true artiste that graces the bill of every village Pride/Mardi Gras event in teh UK.

Yes, OP, closet case Merv Griffin MADE Jon Mikl Thor.

But that corny musical number on Griffin's show, with strangely antiquated jazz music, is nothing compared to the homoerotic SHIT SHOW that was Thor's heavy metal and acting careers.

The documentary I AM THOR was recently released about him. You have only begun to unleash the camp ...

Wow, r7.

That Linda Carter shitshow has really diminished her legacy. I no longer Wonder about that Woman.

The Barbara Eden number isn't bad. She can really sing with convincing emotion.

It's somewhat corny to put psychedelic rock into a variety show and jazz context, sure. But r9 is hardly a "worst act ever."

I'd rather watch Barbara Eden do that than Pitch Perfect or Glee.

The Uggams performance isn't bad, either. Just boisterous.

Boney M and "Rasputin" are AWESOME!

That campiness was intentional and FUN. It's one of the BEST ACTS EVER!

Do you think Austin Powers was trying to be taken seriously?

You people don't get it. This thread is supposed to be for WORST ACTS -- stuff that doesn't work and people without talent.

r17 gets it.

William Hung's "She Bangs" is what we're looking for.

[quote]The Barbara Eden number isn't bad. She can really sing with convincing emotion.

Yes, but it's her extreme white-lady approach to the lyrics that gently nudges it over the edge into camp.

The Star Wars Holiday Special has an impressive 3rd place on our Datalounge poll for the best Star Wars movie of all time, r13!

[quote] The Uggams performance isn't bad, either. Just boisterous.

The things is she forgot the lyrics and wildly and wrongly improvised apparently thinking she wouldn't get caught. "Huckabee bejeebers" (or whatever she said) and her performance were a DL staple for years.

Oh.

What kind of a numb-skull do you have to be to enjoy Gallagher's schtick?

He's been paid for 50 years to do this:

r22 - To be fair to Eden, she was a pretty darn good song and dance girl.

How about Charlie Sheen's standup comedy?

Sheen reports LOL

Sit through this, if you can.

This makes me cringe every time. The clothes, the dancing....

Back in the late 1960s a lot of the over-30 crowd tried to get "with it" in hilarious ways. When you see the same people who think pot is bad but booze and cigarettes are no big deal dressing like hippies, you know what I'm talking about.

Ann-Margret is a GREAT dancer. A lot of you don't get the concept here.

[quote]The things is she forgot the lyrics and wildly and wrongly improvised apparently thinking she wouldn't get caught.

She didn't even bother to learn them in the first place -- she was singing from cue cards, and it had been raining that morning and the previous day. The guy who was holding the cards for her slipped and fell in the wet grass. So she was like, "OH SHIT." LOL

Here's a great example of what R37 is talking about. The "hip" part starts around 16:10.

The star system may have been long-dead in Hollywood in the 70s, but it thrived in TV and popular music.

I watched this with my Gran' way back when..her assessment? "Putrid!"

From Mae West's foray into rock and roll:

LOL did West record that on a vibrating bed?

Ben Vereen and Cheryl Ladd - that is indeed putrid!

This always makes me laugh. One commenter remarked that it sounded like a herd of elephants getting raped.

Ahhh, the act in OP's pic was one of Merv's boyfriends.

R40: Holy shit, that was sponsored by Monsanto?

From the same page as the children's orchestra.

I'm glad to see someone else remembers Miss Lake Dardanelle.

This might be so bad it's good, or just so surreal it's wonderful... the female rock group Cake singing their non-hit "You Can Have Him" on The Smothers Brothers.

Jeanette Jacobs (the girl in green) seems to have taken Quaaludes before the performance. The whole thing looks like "Beyond the Valley of the Dolls" if David Lynch had directed.

dafuq. brilliantly awful. the distorted sounds adds immensely.

[quote] dafuq

It's Darfur damn it!

Get no food. Get no respect either.

[quote]Jeannie gets funky y'all

Did every kitschy show back then do a version of "Spinning Wheel"? I just read something a few weeks ago about a 1969-ish episode of Glen Campbell's show where he, Peggy Lee (!) and Neil Diamond (!!!) all sing a version of "Spinning Wheel" together for the big finale.

YouTube is not coughing up video of this tremendous event. Maybe I've been lied to.

Thanks, OP. God damn but I love a tall built BLOND hairy man!

Renditions of Spinning Wheel surely deserve a dedicated thread.

Eliminated Kpop

r37 A lot of old-school entertainers totally embarrassed themselves in the late 60s trying to be "hip" and relevant to "the kids." Even Frank Sinatra showed up on TV in hippie-ish attire and sang some then-current pop song. A bunch of the older generation of stars made cringe-worthy fools of themselves back then.

Sadly, Kevin Aviance

I'm sorry, but if she weren't "Miss Bonnie Franklin," several shoes would've been thrown at her for this schoolhouse performance.

R56, would you include Shirley Bassey in that? Some of her covers are indeed cringeworthy, but I love her version of the Beatles' "Something".

Gloria Huddle wins.

fantastic!

FUCK YOU R60

We probably have to disqualify Stairway to Stardom anti-brilliance in this thread. embarras de richesses

Am I bad for being attracted to the drummer?

Fun fact: That monologue isn't something Miss Taft whipped up herself á la Miss Black America -- it's from a Lanford Wilson play called [italic]The Gingham Dog.[/italic]

Even a goddess stumbles on occasion.

Anthony Ciola at :10:58

Ciulla, please forgive me.

I think you've won a major award, R49 That was truly bad.

Someone left The Cake out in the rain, going by those Dippity-Do 'do's. I think Green Girl was fighting back sea sickness from watching the other two dance.

Brothers Smothers should have booked more acts like that one, if only for yuks, instead of going after the Frau anthem for all time, "Honey". There was quite a backlash for that one, IIRC.

The dancer in the white pants is gorgeous R66.

Is the obscene choreography for Rocky and Janet in this amateur production of Rocky Horror hot or pathetic?

His name is John Daker

Other than the boy in the white trousers, the other dancers are truly a grim spectacle of impending AIDS deaths in the infectious disease ward at Klinikum Bremen-Mitte.

SONSEED Y'ALL

Skandalous, R74

The Neil Diamond cover at r64 is not bad for karaoke or a cover band at all. Yes, the clothes and keyboard are dinky.

But the guy has a great voice and they're all on-fleek musically ...

Miss Debbie Reynolds (RIP) gets relevant. As the uploader notes, "You can't sing a protest song without a fabulous gown, a glamorous wig, and matching heels."

yeah you're right R76.

R77 that is really quite quite shitty, isn't it.

Anita gurl ... no. Just no.

I'll bet that old 'mo Merv Griffin was standing behind the curtain furiously masturbating while that no-talent muscle guy did that laughable act.

r77 Fabulous!

It looks like the Oscar Academy has tried to scrub the internet of this little chestnut:

The Singing Peek Sisters

dingbat, that's a satire.

I don't see how r67 is a bad act, either. He's just ugly.

OMG it's like Anita Bryant @ r80 completely missed the irony of that song.

She saw Cabaret and identified with the Nazis!!!!

But did you know that no-talent muscle guy also did the most laughable music video ever, r81?

I think Anita probably knew fuck-all about [italic]Cabaret[/italic] and recorded it because it was in her contract. She probably thought it was just a pretty song about nature.

This video literally almost sent me to the hospital the first time I watched it. When the first accident happens, with the actress deciding to finish her line, the awkward clapping, and the super delayed curtain close, I was already laughing so hard that I had stopped producing sound. But then, the fact that the moment they draw the curtains and the scene restarts, and the second, much worse malfunction happens... I was only receiving air in short gasps for a good five minutes straight.

r46 I wonder if he blew Merv that hard.

Harvey Sid Fisher's "Astrology Songs" videos were passed around on VHS in the pre-Internet days.

Glad to see they're all on YouTube.

"Talkin' 'bout Taurus, talk about the bully-bull-bull..."

I adore that, R80.

Gail & Dale singing "One Toke Over the Line" on The Lawrence Welk Show. Lawrence calls it "a modern spiritual." Also, astonishing costumes. My sides.

Wasn't familar with "The Cake. Did some digging and found a couple of interesting items.

[quote] They were the first girl group to write original material as a group, and the first to have it released on a major label. This was not just a novelty at the time it was completely unheard of. They were also the first to break free of the stylistic yoke imposed by producers, songwriters and managers. In doing so, they bridged the gap between the pliable male fantasy of 60s girl groups and the advent of 70s girl bands who were doing it for themselves. The Cake are the missing link between The Ronettes and The Runaways, the Shangri-Las and the Go-Gos.

(I thought that would have been Fanny)

Spaced out girl had been a steady fuck of Jimi Hendrix and died at 32. Dressed in tailored velvet trouser suits trimmed with lace, the girls emerged to the opening strains of “You Can Have Him” from within a giant Dali-esque revolving birthday cake, formed from melted struts and decorated with flaming green candles. While Barbara and Eleanor skated, dipped and weaved to the rhythm, Jeanette stood stock still to their left, looking detached and aloof, holding her microphone down by her waist. When she did finally raise it to her mouth, she purposefully lip-synched the words rather than sing them.

Everyone assumed it was just part of their shtick. “Yeah, that was her gimmick,’ agrees Rodney Bingenheimer. Barbara recalls Greene and Stone also saying, “Yeah, it’s different. Keep it!”

But Chelsea thinks there was another reason. “Everybody said, “Why does she just stand there?’ Most of the time Greene and Stone would have her mic turned off because she couldn’t sing R&B. She felt left out.

Besides the group, earlier back in NYC blonde girl had another sometimes associate.

LADY BUMP, by Miss Penny McLean. I really don't know which words to use to describe this performance. Incredibly, the song actually did hit in the 1970s. Better heard than seen, I suppose.

What do ya think ya are nuts?

Brooke Hogan

Fixing link in R83 because it is the most legendary drekfest ever.

I would SO fuck the Jeebus is a Friend of Mine dude at R74.

Wtf is this

Omazing Grace...

The little girl singing this has an uncanny resemblance to Lens Dunham

The Lawrence Welk Show was big when I was a kid. When I see bits and pieces of it now online it actually brings back nice feelings, something sweet and innocent from childhood that gives you comfort in your old age. I can still hear my grandmother mentioning the "lovely costumes" some of the ladies on the show wore the night before to my great aunt. Nice old memories in this evil time we live in.

Smurf Song

R52 Well, Peggy Lee had a good reason for singing "Spinning Wheel." She wrote it!

Someone please post a clip of Kelly Marie singing "feels like I'm in love" on some German show with her two back up dancers in gold condoms. She's always looking into the wrong camera. Always makes me laugh.

r107 This?

Peggy Lee did not write Spinning Wheel. The lead singer of Blood Sweat and Tears wrote it.

R102, that isn't Eddy Murphy in an SNL sketch?

Thank you for posting that Kelly Marie clip, that song is so awful I kind of like it! And Kelly Marie looked like a witch.

R108 Oh, my God! That was classically bad! I love her kung fu kick in the middle of the number. You could tell she was very proud of it!

But...R92.....sob...he really knows me!

Out of my way bitches! William Shatner "singing" Rocket Man. If you make it past the 2:00 min mark, you'll beg it to stop, and by 3:00 you will try to take your own life.

Oh my sides, that Kellie Marie song is a delight! Thank you, R108.

Speaking of trashtastic disco acts, "Like An Eagle" by gold lamé-clad Dennis Parker. This is another one that's so bad it's awesome.

Somewhat off topic, but brilliant nonetheless. Unfortunately the full Blacklick Valley High School production of Les Miserables isn't on YouTube anymore, but this video gives a few moments of its brilliance.

I can't stop laughing at the Kelly Marie clip, that is hilarious! I love the crimped hair and glitter eye makeup going up the whole side of her face. I have never known of this before, thank you DL!

Oh r5, 😂😂😂 thanks so much for that!!!

Can't you feel the town exploding?

R120 is that David Letterman with Mary? Poor fella had to start somewhere.

R121 And Michael Keaton, too!

R119 The best part of that video is when she finishes the song with all her vocal flourishes, then gives a look like, "Nailed it!" Oh, honey, no, you didn't!

😲 that was Keaton!!! The 70s were filled with bad TV specials starring entertainers who should have known better.

Off to find some Bonnie Franklin videos...

Mrs. Elva Miller being hip

R125 What the...?! :-o

R90 Perhaps you might enjoy Act One of This American's Life episode, "Fiasco!"

Don't forget Dora Hall the Solo Cup heiress who bought time slots on major networks in the 70's to display her singing and acting "talent". You use to be able to get her VHS tapes by sending in proof of purchase seals on cup boxes.

Bonnie Franklin being awkward.

And finally DL favorite Susan Richardson!

as expecting more ventriloquist acts.

Ummm. Wha?

R132, at the end she sings,, "You fill my butt"---really, go listen to it.

[quote]😲 that was Keaton!!! The 70s were filled with bad TV specials starring entertainers who should have known better.

That was NOT a special. Keaton and Letterman (among others) were regulars on MTM's short-lived weekly variety series.

Another disaster courtesy of Merv Griffin, from his 1973 "Christmas (TV) Kids" special:

That Kelly Marie clip really is resplendent in its awfulness.

One more of the amazing Kelly. She really has moves in this one.

John Daker and Sonseed have my vote.

Are the women in R8's video sister wives? They look shell shocked.

R108, yes that's the one! Just looking at the still picture makes me laugh. That performance takes the gold medal! Nothing comes close.

The magic that is Sondra Prill...

The song stylings of Jan Terri...

It's his arrogance over his "fame" that puts this over the top.

Jayne Mansfield

A DL classic...

All "star" "Let it Be"...

German fashion show...

DL fave Corey Feldman works his magic

Chum Drum Bedrum

Speaking of Russian singers...

R125 is in the top 5!

R149 young Vitas had a brilliant act! Plus all women want to kiss him and all gay men wanted to lick him all over. He was VERY high camp beautifully executed. A happy accident of his talent, imagination, and cultural milieu. Made him a huge star you know. People found him thrilling!

Sadly now as a grown man, he's a bombastic gilded clown.

Here a young Kazakhstani on some talent show, straining to pull off a Vitas. Vitas would effortlessly toss off his operatic sugar blasts with side eye, a flick of pinky a shake of his tiny pale butt.

Wesley Willis with a song that sounds like it was written by an 8 year old with a casio

R154 that's supposed to be crude.

Featuring the inimitable Salesgirl #2

God bless the posters for introducing Datalounge to Miss Kelly Marie! I thought I had seen every shit-tastic video from the disco era that Youtube had to offer, I don't know how I missed the incredible song and dance stylings of Miss Marie until now. Good work, boys!

R137 This is even more fantastically bad than her other video! She still seems to have trouble spotting the right camera, and I think she's wearing her prom dress. And her backup dancers are really concentrating on getting those moves right. But the best part is when the song's over and they switch back to the hosts. The old guy is totally disinterested and has a look on his face like, "What is this crap?"

This is the BEST DL THREAD. EVER.

So what r134? Special, TV show? They're all wretched. Go play definition Nazi somewhere else.

R157 This poor girl needs a thread all to herself. There's just too much to observe and comment on. I didn't think anyone could actually be a poor WALKER until I saw Kelly Marie.

R135 When she sees this one, Kim's gonna start drinking again.

My favorite music video.

R141 "A bathtub of gentlemen?!" LOL!

R163 Oh, my God. No words.

R142 I think it's the unbridled enthusiasm Jan brings to both her vocals and her video performance that really set her apart from the crowd.

Doug Hennings' hair alone is the worst!

Doug Henning has starred in TWO Broadway musicals, the second of which was the godawful "Merlin", which was Doug's magic & earnestness, Chita Rivera vamping around like The Wicked Witch of the West, and Nathan Lane as a nasty gay villain, all camping it up times 1000 to prevent the audience from throwing rotten vegetables.

I don't remember hating it!

How did they do that trick in the video at 167?

Spock gets down with space hippies bout 2:15 in.

Whitney - The Musical.

Speaking of Tiny Tim, r95, WTF was up with this homophobic Christmas classic?

Again, there's nothing wrong with the act @ r103.

It's a children's song. That's good and appropriate for kids..

So the lead singer is a fat, ugly girl?

She has a terrific voice and sense of rhythm for someone her age.

Lay off her and find some bad artwork or incompetent talent.

Father Abraham and the Smurfs did nothing wrong.

Kelly Marie and "Feels Like I'm In Love" is not "worst" or incompetent.

Now Elva Miller @ r125 is the WACKNESS.

Thank you for getting the thread back on-track.

"What We've Got" to "Hang On" to is apparently a wheelchair on a crane over the beach.

Susan Richardson and her "rock n' roll lover" are good for karaoke.

Susan sent this as an audition video to test for the lead in "Sophie's Choice". Can't believe she didn't get the part.

I saw Kelly Marie perform on TV when I was little and never forgot that performance. I just remember a chunky girl spinning in circles singing. Glad to introduce DL to the wonderful world of Kelly Marie. It's my go to video on YouTube when I need a laugh. Just read all the comments. Makes me laugh for hours.

r180 thank you so much! I can't believe I never heard of Kelly Marie until now, how did I miss her? I thought Youtube had shown me every amazingly awful act from the disco years, and only now have I discovered the incredibly craptacular singing and dancing talents of this ginger Scottish spitfire. And the comments are a scream! XOXO to you.

OMG r163!!! I'm CRYING as I LAUGH this!!!!!!!

r171 posted a hidden-camera prank show, not an accident.

He was just as Punk'D as the victims.

There's a new movie starring Jack Black coming out soon called THE POLKA KING. It's hilarious and based on the true story of the Polish immigrant Jan Lewan, who ran a Polka music Ponzi scheme.

Lewan's Grammy-nominated career contains MANY embarrassing Polkas, such as his signature "Rappin' Polka."

Didn't Autotune Queen Rebecca Black become a star with "Friday" because she sucks?

No one has mentioned ME? They even made a movie out of me starring some new starlet.

More public access fuckery: [italic]Dean and Company,[/italic] the pride (?) of Birmingham, Alabama

Why aren't you Eldergays regaling us with the worst Gong Show contestants? There are entire shows devoted to this topic.

I think the inclusion of Lynds Carter and Barbara Eden is a bit unfair. Those production numbers were wildly misguided (because they were trying to hard to sex them up, and the songs weren't suited to their personae), but both women are genuinely fine singers and dancers.

Well, "wildly misguided" is the name of this game.

In Carter's case, her voice, dance ability and beauty are not in question. It's the inappropriate grafting of other artists' styles WAY out of her league and the seriousness with which we're supposed to take it. BIG MISTAKE.

But Barbara Eden IS a lot more suited to the psychedelic rock of her generation and she performs it convincingly. It's just the variety show format and audience who are a bit out-of-place.

I didn't laugh at Eden at all — I was impressed her musical chops and she's rather saucy. It's the coolest I've ever seen her.

Ross Sisters Solid Potato Salad, it's like the Andrew Sisters but made out of rubber.

More Gong Show weirdness

Wtf is this

I'm such a ditz I thought "Stairway to Stardom" was the song they were all attempting to sing and not until the 3rd video did I recognize it as the Neil Diamond song. Oh my I need to drink less.

More of the magic that is Mrs. Elva Miller. Give her a beat, she'll skip it.

There is no reason why a ventriloquist's dummy needed to be abused for this shitfest.

A classic, nauseatingly bad.

Classic, R197. (Gotta love the Jan/Eve Plumb unsuccessful slight of hand).

....

Fake Jan was the shit.

my my my my my. Jimmy sings falsetto and Kristy, tenor!

Speaking of [italic]The Brady Bunch Hour,[/italic] I always wondered how the flawless Miss Melanie Safka got mixed up in that shitshow. I had never heard of her before then, but I became an instant fan and begged my mom to buy me her latest album.

Is Jimmy gay? He's very pretty.

R36: THAT'S OUR HITLER!

[quote] Back in the late 1960s a lot of the over-30 crowd tried to get "with it" in hilarious ways.

Poor old Bobby Darin, when he found that his sister was really his mother, tried to become a singer of only relevant songs. Since most "relevant" songs were slow and featured acoustic guitar, people soon gave up on him. He wanted to sing "If I Were a Carpenter" a bazillion times. Not cool with the Vegas crowd.

Plus, the fact that he stopped wearing his toupee, and could sometimes look alarmingly like Lee Harvey Oswald from certain angles, didn't help.

[quote] get with it in hilarious ways

Johnny Carson in a Nehru jacket

Mrs. Miller is my new patron saint.

Just for R207

Lynda Carter was such a cunt. She doesn't deserve a pass.

I am living now for the greatness of Sondra!

In honor of the Liz And Dick thread, I think this is Elva's greatest moment:

BLAZIN HAZEN white. Hottie rapper. Nuff said

Stunt queen!

blazin hazen is a find. So cute, so ernest, so dumb.

That's an Ocean Pacific windbreaker at r212. I can feel it.

Over 200 posts and no mention of this?

R120, Letterman in the background looks like he's about to crack up any second.

R216 he was mentioned up thread.

I dedicate this song to all the Dataloungers who are alone tonight...in other words, everyone on the Datalounge...

r163, thats the funniest shit i ever saw.

Years ago, I remember a Bob Hope special featuring opera great Placido Domingo and a teenage Brooke Shields singing a duet of "Make Believe" from Showboat. While I can find references to it online, I cannot find the video. It was the most awkward TV moment I've ever witnessed--a great opera star paired with a clueless teen with NO vocal talent, stumbling their way through a beautiful song from one of the greatest American musicals of all time.

It was an "aha" moment, as it impressed upon me at a very young how far being a "hot young thing" can take you in life.

This is Ann Reinking's infamous "Against All Odds" at the Oscars.

Forgive me if this has been posted already - Henrietta and Merna do their sizzling rendition of "Go Tell It On the Mountain."

How soon we forget ...

R143 looks (and acts) just like George Costanza. That would have been a perfect bit on [italic]Seinfeld[/italic].

Mrs. Miller explores the hot and sultry bossa nova craze that's entrancing the youth of today

It's alright, R223..that one, like Diana Death Scream, NEVER gets old. Who gave that poor girl the doll hair? Terrifying.

I'd forgotten what a gold mine cable access was back in the early eighties. I've never seen Stairway to the Stars, and at the time my local cable access channel in San Francisco was showing a lot of the East Coast stuff. Does anyone here recall the guy that did a show out of New York, I think his name was Erickson (sp.?). He was a caustic old daddy and I Ioved him, I dutifully taped every episode. That, and the show Will Durst did with his wife, before he became well-known (The Phil & Linda Show?).

I get a little teary when I see those superimposed credits roll..hehe.

Some might fancy footwork here...

Classic thread about Robert "Over My Rainbow" Rees @ R145

[quote]Susan Richardson and her "rock n' roll lover" are good for karaoke.

What? Not even.

OMG, r228! Dying.

[quote]Poor old Bobby Darin, when he found that his sister was really his mother, tried to become a singer of only relevant songs. Since most "relevant" songs were slow and featured acoustic guitar, people soon gave up on him. He wanted to sing "If I Were a Carpenter" a bazillion times. Not cool with the Vegas crowd.

And [italic]Beyond the Sea[/italic], Kevin Spacey's totally-not-gay (/sarc) mancrush/ego vehicle, took that part of his career seriously and made that look like that was his authentic self.

Elvis' Last Concert in 1977, and from about 1:35....

Death wasn't reaching out for him. Death was stepping back hoping Elvis wouldn't keel over and fall on him.

The mention of Rosanne reminded me of Denise Richards amping up the crowd at the 7th Inning Stretch.

R222 when you get to 4:25 you see the "I nailed it!" expression.

Miss Lake Dardanelle has a voice that could make dogs howl.

[quote]Death wasn't reaching out for him. Death was stepping back hoping Elvis wouldn't keel over and fall on him.

You're out of the club, Dorothy.

Sugarbabies with Mickey Rooney. My Dad thought it was so great, he bought the whole family tickets. I left at the intermission which I would not have done if it wasn't terrible.

As luck would have it I'm watching an episode of The Love Boat and Ginger Rogers just sang Love Will Keep Us Together. Terrible.

It's like a made-for-TV version of [italic]Sextette[/italic].

A thread like this has to include Slim Whitman, whose music was so bad it became a plot point in "Mars Attacks."

"Transfusion," by Nervous Norvus.

For shame, R242! Nervous Norvus brought us this gem!

Was Kora Pandit too good to be terrible?

That has to be a parody at R143.

It's too bad to be true.

Ernst & Young promo video.

R244 There's a great documentary out there about Korla Pandit. (I saw it on my local TV station.) Fascinating life. Claimed to be Indian, despite ample evidence that he was African-American. I think he's sort of fashionable today as one of the originators of "exotica" music.

That Ernst & Young is cringe-inducing. The only ones who wanted to be there were HR, everybody else was basically forced to.

The Super Broker Shuffle! Charley Carson is my favorite.

Oh, and girls, here's MERV'S one night stand from 1976 now..............

MR. JON THOR

Nice to see that unlike ROBERT REDFORD this hunk has actually held onto his looks. (May God help me!)

" And I see that not only have you kept your gorgeous figure (but), you've added so much to it .... "

R252, is that really him?

R253

Yep.

There is some disagreement as to whether these singers are retarded or just a group of singers that all make William Hung look talented. But its hard to argue this isn't SIMPLY THE BEST version of this song ever performed.

Enjoy!

Ahem.

Give it up you tired pig.

R234, no one cares about her voice because every straight man and boy in that stadium wanted to fuck her.

I really think the Kelly Marie posts prove why she wins this thread.. Her voice isn't bad, but her inability to even walk, along with her dancers are amazing.

[quote][R234], no one cares about her voice because every straight man and boy in that stadium wanted to fuck her.

Just like with me, right?

Out of kindness, I won't past Liza's last recorded performances.

Pia

Anita

OMG those Brady "La La Las" over "The Hustle" at r197 are some kind of human rights violation.

Didn't they ban that kind of torture at the Geneva Conventions?

BJ Snowden! I can't wait to be treated like a Queen!

Re:25 Those singers were rejects from the Dutch version of American Idol. Looks like someone had the bright idea to put them in as halftime entertainment at a soccer match. A bunch of William Hungs and Sanjayas. The crowd's reactions are priceless.

Brace face dances to MJ

And starring Donald Trump as The President.

I rather enjoyed Lola, there, at R267

bump

?Que?

And here's Kelly Marie in 2005 appearing on "Hit Me Baby One More Time." Her voice is in remarkably good stead. Her teeth...not so much.

R267 Lola had been dancing for 11 years, but it never interfered with her meal times.

I am now obsessed with Kelly Marie, thanks to the wonderful posters here.

Kelly Marie's voice is kinda awesome. It's the awkwardness of everything else that makes it delicious.

I think Kay Medford did this record as an audition for "Gypsy". After hearing this rendition of "Rose's Turn", you'll understand why she never played the part. That last note....oy!

The infamous Le Petomane

Wtf is this

Brought to you by famed director Michael Mann and the Cosa Nostra.

The Kristy McNichol carol is not bad and the Kelly Marie performance @ r271 is GOOD. It's a great song and she's a nice singer.

So she has bad teeth. What Brit has GOOD teeth?

Kelly Marie for the win!

I'm with R281

"Feels Like I'm In Love" by Kelly Marie is what I imagine the government uses in their mind control experiments.

I think the SPCA complained about this horse's fce being shaved.

They're no Wayland and Madame. This poor girl...

Awe r285 I can't knock that girl.

I can, she sucked.

Unfunny jokes, she didn't even try to cover her "thrown voice" at times and then the awkward "Self Stage Hook" exit.

But something tells me she wasn't professional. If we're stuck with school and church talent shows, we'll find the "Worst Evah." But we can't really blame them ...

I guess R287 in too stupid to get the pun. Hence, knock on wood.

Lori & Reba Schappell. "Fear of Being Alone" is the worst ever.

Oh, r288.

I still don't think the pun applies -- I would say I so CAN knock knock, etc.

Cher, Tina Turner and Kate Smith do The Beatles.

Sometimes it's not the talent.

It's the concept.

(And Kate was the one who really was giving it her all, bringing the fantastic legacy of her career to new levels of relevance.)

Little ballerina dancing Esmeralda and not doing a very good job.

Hey, R292, the Esmeralda girl wasn't THAT bad.

Well, that Turner/Cher clip was rough.

It really jumped the shark when the guy in the golden top hat came out for "When I'm 64." Was that Tim fucking Conway?

Grating Cheese.

I thought Cher and Tina Turner were the best performers, despite their clusterfuck dance moves. Kate Smith seemed the weakest link of their trio.

Who was she, anyway?

Kate Smith was once a household name, one of the biggest (no pun intended) celebrities in America, and she's almost totally forgotten today.

She was one of those entertainers who were very famous in their time, but they just didn't translate to later generations and their memory kind of faded away.

I LOVE KATE SMITH'S VERSION OF "GOD BLESS AMERICA".

I'm kind of shocked at how not-awful Anita Bryant is in r263's link.

With a bit of a makeover, she could have gone on to be a normal singer, maybe even a torch singer popular with the gays. But instead, she threw it all away and became a crazed gay-basher.

well excuse me for living, anita bryant!

Not an act, per se, but the greatest masterclass in the dramatic arts ever committed to film:

Dragana Jugovic, drunk off her ass

I would stop at five or six stores for more baffling monologues by amateurs!

[Quote] What Brit has GOOD teeth?

Lulu!

Who'd like to see something really fucking nasty? Watch the second part if you can.

Miss Maureen McCormick feels all the feelings

Shit, I sound better than Mrs Miller.

God forgive me, and aware the rules are being broken, but

BUMP.

Sorry, Lainie.

Did I see the legendary Bobby Banas in R9's video?

I've been afraid to open some of these videos just because of the descriptions. It's amazing how deluded some people are about their talents. When they watch their own videos, at a remove of many years, what do they think of them?

[Quote] When they watch their own videos, at a remove of many years, what do they think of them?

Miss Lake Dardanelle thought she only needed a retake.

The OCD in me says there needs to be a classification system (a la Dewey decimal) for "bad." There are so many shades.

The 80s were a tragic time

Oops

Have we seen the Kelly Family in here yet? If so, who wouldn't want to see this twice?

Has Jan Terry made an appearance yet?

Vibeology

My all-time favorite! And it's Enriqueta and Myrna Neudorf, not Henrietta and Merna. ENJOY!

I can't even bear to watch this, so I'll just leave this clip here for all those who are braver than I.

Speaking of bad talk shows

Lana del Ray

Cindy Crawford makes me want to stab my ears.

r321, I remember that commercial. It was sooooo bad.

Pierce Brosnan Sings!

I wished I knew where Jeremy was filming that video. So I could run him over with a 18 wheeler.

The Brady Bunch + Rip Taylor + Car Wash + The Wizard of Oz.

What could possibly go wrong?

Boney M, like you've never seen them before!

Just because you're a good NFL player doesn't mean you can sing

Again, being good at football doesn't mean you should pursue a career in music

More musical crappiness from a famous athlete

If I were president, I'd pass a law demanding that Carl Lewis, and ONLY Carl Lewis, be allowed to sing the national anthem at all nationally televised sporting events.

Daddy Cool without music or singing! I knew without seeing the title...watched a few seconds and started singing Daddy Cool in my head. What a trip. R326!

R316 I remember seeing that Paula Abdul performance of "Vibeology" when it first aired, and thinking "wow, the jig is up with this broad." And sure enough, it was.

From the "old school entertainers trying to appear hip" category...

Anthony Newley was, without a doubt, a very talented guy, albeit with a quirky voice that was an acquired taste.

George Harrison's "Within You Without You" was the most esoteric, least commercial track on the Beatles landmark "Sgt. Pepper" album.

I wish there were a YouTube clip of the original performance this was taken from, because you had to see it in all its kitschy, faux-Eastern, craptastic glory to really appreciate it.

Still the audio-only version is...quite something.

You think Mary Tyler Moore was the first one to fuck up a Wings song on national television?

Bert Parks did it first.

R306 considering the contributions since you bumped, and my tears from laughing so hard at earlier posts, you have NOTHING to be sorry for!

This one is well-known in the Spanish-speaking world...for all the wrong reasons!

It's hard to fathom what would possess anybody to produce something this wrong-headed.

Even if you don't know Spanish, you'll appreciate the sheer shittiness of this.

AY AY AY!!!!!!

( R325) horrifying. I think we have a winner!!!🏆

Fergie butchering the national anthem. After finishing some prescription pills with booze.

Is George Takei a DL fave?

If not, he should be, based on this unforgettable performance of "On the Road Again"!

Didn't George Takei tug on someone's dick for the amusement of Howard Stern's audience? He's not MY DL fave.

More Carl Lewis badness

R340 I don't know. But his entire career resurgence happened because Howard Stern started talking about him, and then having him on his show.

Nobody outside of Star Trek fandom was even giving him a second thought until then, so if he had to tug a dick or two to show his gratitude, so be it.

Mariah (as in "they call the wind") without all that noise getting in the way of her real "outside" voice.

Dear Camilo Cobelo.

Even her lipsyncing is just worst on worse.

Mariah actually hurt my ears.

Someone post Mariah's New Year's Eve fiasco!

Sweet Jesus Mother Fucking Christ died on the cross for THIS?

Mariah still wants you to have a Hasdsfesrgppppy newfisjfisg yeasdfisdrjgidjdhdpfhkdohddhtdyhs

William Shatner brings you.....

Lucy.

In the.

Sssssky.

Wwwwwwith.

Diediediediedieamondssssssss!

Yeah!

And this is when I first started to plot the demise of Irving Berlin.

Obviously, being in the asylum, I couldn't fulfill my dream, but that doesn't mean it wasn't a worthy objective.

The ego. The smarminess. The fakery. The inauthenticity. The fucking brat pile. The infamy.

The humanity.

Lainie. Again.

I love after the Mariah New year's video. You can hear that guy say "what the hell was that".

R116 Dennis Parker was in the Jacques Morali/Henri Belolo stable of artists, the same writer/producers behind the Village People.

I remember seeing an episode of the Merv Griffin show in the late 70's, devoted entirely to Morali and Belolo, and all of their then-current artists appeared and performed: Dennis Parker, the French singer Patrick Juvet, the Ritchie Family, and the Village People. Merv was practically drooling over Dennis Parker, who, as it turns out, was a former gay porn performer who was fucking Jacques Morali and wound up signed to Casablanca. His porn name was Wade Nichols.

He died of AIDS in 1985.

DL favorite Morgan Fairchild covers DL legend Cher.

Enjoy!

Has Carl Lewis found the right girl yet?

He'd better hurry up!

In a fascinating hybrid category all it's own -

WORST FUNERAL DANCE-JUGGLING-COFFIN ACT EVAH!

Hey r314--you sent me down the rabbit hole. I'm in the U.S.A. so had no idea about the Kelly family. They actually have their moments, and since they've been around for almost 50 years, there is so much material. I love trying to figure out who (from the 20th century) is who (from the 21st century)

R350 -- Do you know who Irving Berlin was?

At Long Last Love

Drinkinstein

R314--Being.a yank, I never heard of the Kelly family before your post. Now I'm a fan. It's fun to try to figure out who is who in the videos through the years.

To this day I do not know how Rhinestone was made. Sylvester Stallone as a country singer? It's on the list of movies were going to see in hell. With Showgirls and a Nicolas Cage film festival.

Crocodile Rock!

What About the Children?

Call Me (or don't)

R359 I have to say you failed this assignment. Perhaps the entire movie was a bust, but your selected clip to showcase that is no different than the AI posts so conveniently posted after yours... you chose poorly.

The most thread-topical thing about the posts above yours is that they were all of mostly-nobodies, or accomplished performers going outside their personal envelopes of ability because they didn't understand hubris. Burt, Cybil, Madeleine and the other were just performing what they were told to perform.

Also, never take down Madeleine. Step back and fuck off now. G'ngiht.

r366, you failed at having a sense of humor.

Perhaps, R367, but I managed to stay on topic, express my opinion and GTFO

You didn't post a clip of an act, you just bitched about someone else's opinion. That's not "on topic"