I'm going to Panda Express for first time in my life....

[quote] What should I avoid?

Panda Express.

It doesn't matter. Even if it says "chicken", it's panda. It's all panda.

Don't let them guilt you into adding an extra dollar for charity!!!!!

Oh, relax R1. I've spent most of my life in NY, SF, LA and London and been to lots of authentic Cantonese, Mandarin and Szechuan restaurants. I know that this will be totally Americanized, probably overly sweet "Chinese".

R2 - damn. Sounds exotic.

R3 - I sure as shit won't. I've seen that South Park episode.

[quote]Don't let them guilt you into adding an extra dollar for charity!!!!!

Or for flavor.

There's a South Park episode?

link?

so, what's his name, how'd you meet him? and how come you're such a cheap date?

So just imagine the delicious meal you could have bought had you not spent $18 here to start this moronic thread.

Ha ha, R7. Actually, I'm getting dinner with an old friend. No benefits. We're BOTH being cheap because I don't have my next consulting gig until January and he's an actor.

r8=hostile, dipshit, poor

R6 - there's a recent episode in which Randy (the main "dad") starts a social movement to take on and resist the Whole Foods cashiers who guilt customers into donating $$ to charity at the check-out. However, it's part of a pretty intricately woven season-long arc. Much of it, I'm afraid, with a strong libertarian bent, but that's Matt & Trey for you. It's best to start with the first ep of this season, but in case you can't be fucked, it's this ep...

Congrats OP on having over fried protein caked in a sugary sweet sauce. I'm doing just fine with a salad.

Thanks, R12! What kinda salad? I guess it's Pan Asian day at my place. I made a Thai green papaya salad this afternoon myself.

Just avoid the whole place. it's junk "chinese" food.

R14 - please see R4. So I, somewhat jokingly, posted this on FB as well. Already got 15 responses all of which say "Orange Chicken", so I guess that's entree #1 settled.

[quote]What should I get? What should I avoid?

GET - laid by the cute cashier

AVOID - putting anything in your mouth (with the exception of the cute cashier's dick)

My friend's here. Thank you so much for the great advice guys. Now I know exactly what (and what not) to put in my pie hole tonight. I feel like a proper American now. Post-dinner reviews to follow....

I, for one, can't wait (serious; no sarcasm.) I've never been to one, even though I lived in SF over 20 years.

[quote]We're BOTH being cheap because I don't have my next consulting gig until January and he's an actor.

And yet you spent $18 to start this moronic thread.

for Asian fast food chains you must find Doc Chey's.

[R12] im having a wedge salad. Yum

Get: the Ptomaine. Avoid: the cockroaches.

If you like breaded, fried rich food, the orange chicken and Beijing beef is good. The mandarin chicken is just grilled chicken breast they slice up for you - sauce on top or on the side. The chicken with string beans is hit or miss.

One absolute: make sure there's a bathroom nearby when you're finished. Panda is a guaranteed laxative.

Haven't been there in at least 10 years, but I used to get the black pepper chicken, Mongolian beef, & chow mein combo as a cheap lunch

I've never been to one either.

Sweet and sour soup, orange chicken, and chow mein isn't bad at all.

Stay away from the fried rice - it's way bland and salty.

The real question is whether or not you masturbated in your car in the parking lot?

Remember Jon Stewart's joke about Dick Cheney loving to eat Endangered Species candy bars, & his favorite flavor was panda?

OP here. It's been nearly 8 hours since I first ingested Panda Express for the first time in my life. Some of this whirlwind experience is just a blur, but I'll do my best to quickly recap the highlights, in no particular order:

1. My friend, who is of Chinese ancestry, BTW (I know, the shame), picked me up, drove me straight to the nearest Panda Express and then made me sit in the car with him for 15 minutes while we waited for a long line to form in the restaurant before getting out. Why, you might ask? Apparently, he's discovered that the best way to get maximum Orange Chicken satisfaction is to wait until a long line of customers has finished off the old Orange Chicken sitting in the steam trays so that we could be one of the first people to get a freshly wok'd batch. His plan almost worked. When it was our turn to order there was still a small amount of old orange chicken left. My friend panicked. I called upon my improv skills from my SCETA (So Calif Educational Theatre Assoc) award-winning high school improv team experience and told the large family behind us that we were still deciding and offered to let them go ahead of us. It worked and when it was our turn, we got fresh Orange Chicken.

2. I did not take one poster's recommendation to initiate sexual contact with the cute cashier/server. Our cashier was, indeed, cute, but I'm not into post-menopausal Latinas. But Gloria, the cutie, did, well, the cutest thing. In heavily accented, slightly broken English, this delightful personification of a Salvadoran empanada would greet every customer who came in with the phrase "Hello! Thank you for being a panda today!" I doubt that was the exact line she was trained to say, but I like her version better. Per another poster's warning, she DID ask me if I'd like to round up our order and donate the change to some children's charity. Our order was $16.94, so I said yes and generously made some poor child's Christmas dreams come true with my $0.06 donation.

3. For our non-romantic quick service dinner we shared a small bowl of hot & sour soup (better than the Knorr packets of hot & sour soup mix you can buy in the grocery store, but nowhere near as good as any regular hot & sour soup you can get at any decent Chinese take out). We got two 2-entree plates and, unlike that bitch in that Arby's thread, we shared our food, like good Asian boys would. I'm Indian, he's Chinese. We couldn't finish it. I let my friend take the left-overs home.

I have to admit, the Orange Chicken (fresh batch) really was quite good - wonderful crisp coating, nice balance of spicy and sweet (but not cloyingly sweet like sweet & sour) and surprisingly large, juicy pieces of chicken underneath the breading. I can imagine the dish being really unsatisfactory if it's stale and soggy, though.

The Eggplant Tofu was surprisingly flavorful - too sweet for what I think should be a savory dish, but the eggplant was very good quality and the tofu was prepared well.

The Kung Pao Chicken was decent, but could use a bit more pungency (oyster sauce?) and heat. The best part was the blackened chili peppers which were fully edible and deliciously crisped. Eating the whole chilis greatly improved the flavor of the dish. White people, you may not want to eat those peppers, though.

Beef & Broccoli was decent. Compared to the other savory dish (Kung Pao), this sauce had a more distinctive flavor. Beef was moderately decent quality, broccoli was very fresh and not overly steamed. Still, I would double the amount of garlic they're using to dial up the flavor.

Fried rice was, you called it guys, bland and required lots of soy sauce and sriracha to flavor it. And no egg in your fried rice? Come oooon. Chow mein was marginally better than than the rice. But, honestly, if I were ever to do this again, I'd stick with steamed rice.

There was no jacking off or grab ass in the car. If you have any additional questions about my experience, please feel free to ask below.

You should have tried the Honey Walnut Shrimp. It really is their best item.

I also like the Beijing Beef.

I burnt myself out on the Orange Chicken and Black Pepper Chicken years ago.

I'll make Beef and broccoli for dinner tonight, thanks to this thread.

OP here.

The shits. Oh Jesus, why didn't anyone warn me?

The gals from the steno pool in my office live Panda Express. They always ask for extra hot sauce.

R23 warned you about getting the trots

Honey it's not like you were going to Paris for the first time. Stop posting such nonsense.

There's a video on You Tube of Chinese- Americans trying Panda Express and giving their opinion about each dish. It's quite funny because the young people say, in unaccented English, "Oh my God, this is disGUSting. It isn't anything LIKE Chinese food. I think I'm gonna be sick... no way I can finish this" about every damn thing.

Meanwhile, the older people, actually speaking Chinese, are tucking in like there's no tomorrow and translated as saying "Mmmm...this is pretty good" about most everything.

Myself, I enjoy Panda Express. I hate most fast food (burger places, Taco Bell, you name it), so it's nice to have a cheap alternative to a sit down restaurant every so often. I never get the rice or the chow mein, because that huge amount of steamed veggies is exactly why I like the place. They're always nice and tender-crisp, not overcooked. For the sides, I like Beijing Beef and Honey Walnut Shrimp or if I'm watching the calories, black pepper chicken.

Never had the runs after eating there. Taco Bell is a different story. Make a run for the border, indeed.

For some reason Panda Express is the only chinese food that doesn't leave you hungry 30 minutes after you had it.

One minute he's cranking one out in the work car park, next thing he's got the sharts from Panda Express. In his next thread, OP pisses in the punch at the Christmas office party.

Ugh. R32 is not me. Just some jokester. Wish we still had trolldar. I did not get the shits, nor sharts, nor even farts.

R38 - I'm not the office parking lot wanker, though that thread was pretty entertaining. I suppose you can either ignore me or the OP of that thread to help confirm your conspiracy theory.

I shall ignore parking lot wanker and not you, OP. I enjoy your feisty wry tone.

Is this an outake from the next Harold and Kumar film?

Still on the shitter but it's not as bad as before. My asshole looks like this now.

Used to eat there years ago but haven't been in quite a while.

It was at that point a cheap alternative to take out but I'm sure it's no longer the case.

Still I prefer threads with the potential for a great deal more bitchery pointless or not.

It's funny how all of the neighborhood cats seem to disappear when one of those places opens up.

The food even miauws when you stick a fork in it so you know it's freshly butchered cat

I'm embarrassed to admit this, but the first time I went to Panda Express was through the drive thru. I got so overwhelmed trying to order that I ordered a bunch of stuff that I didn't want. So I ended up with a bunch of food that I didn't really want, but I was too embarrassed to admit it.

We had one open up in my town a few years ago but I've never been there. Just looked at their menu online and their prices are about a dollar or so higher than an authentic Chinese restaurant's prices. Should a fast-food place be cheaper?

[quote]You should have tried the Honey Walnut Shrimp. It really is their best item

"That's $1.25 extra, sir!"

Last time I was there, there was a sign on the glass in front of the fried rice station indicating they had to change their recipe as a result of the major price increases on eggs.

One thing that differentiates Panda Express from most chain fast-food places is that they're all company-owned-- no franchises. Same with In-N-Out. I think that at least makes them more consistent and quality-oriented.

The teriyaki chicken (w/o teriyaki sauce or sauce on side) is pretty good and PE is quite generous with the portions. I don't know if this is company wide (I've only been to one location) but the back of the receipts have a link to a short survey that, when taken, gives you a code for a free third entree when you buy a two-entree plate.

Avoid the Moo Goo Gai Pan.

OP is...... a)troll B)special c)special troll

"Avoid the Moo Goo Gai Pan"

It's how I set my watch.

I do not care how broke you are. Get a sandwich and eat it together on a bench . That would have more charm.This thread is so so sad and not just the food , Do you also save tinfoil and yarn and old xmas wrappings?

My problem with that place is that no matter how short a period of time you spend in there, you always come out smelling like oil.

OP at R29, thank you for getting back to us; very amusing (AND informative, as I have never been to a PE but want to go now!) I especially LOVED your first paragraph about using college improv training to get the family behind you to go first, in service of the orange chicken. And your friend sounds like a hoot; excellent strategy waiting in the car for a fresh batch of chicken; I think I'm going to steal that strategy!

OP here. Normal, fluffy BMs. No "MSG headaches". But totally craving some more Orange Chicken now LOL.

W&W for R41! I LOL'd

R42 ≠ me (but might after tonight; going to my first sexy party!)

R44: Hi, Mrs. Lovett!

R46: Yeah, drive-thru would be - let me assume Gloria's native tongue - 'no bueno' for me either, I imagine. It was pretty overwhelming standing in line deciding what to get.

R55 - thank you for the great $$ saving suggestions! Merry Christmas!

R57: My pleasure! Good luck on your fresh Orange Chicken quest - if you try it out, report back here, please!

OP here. Still craving Orange Chicken. Okay, that stuff is like crack.

In case it's of interest, if you're not following me on Yelp, you might not know that Panda Express wasn't my only new experience this week.....

Panda express is decent, not bad not great. I'm glad OP enjoyed himself. At least he's not another annoying Janbot hater.

Thanks for the witty recap, OP.

R60 - funny you should mention Janet. I don't know if they do this in all Panda Express', but at ours they were playing a station with Chinese versions of English-language pop songs and the station happened to play two Janet songs while we were there. A decidedly odd "Rhythm Nation" in which they actually said the words "Rhythm Nation" in English, but everything else was in Chinese and a (somewhat) funky version of "That's The Way Love Goes".

Well, boys (and fraus), in honor of Boxing Day, my brother and I picked up a couple of boxes of Panda Express today. This was my second experience. I insisted that we use the parking lot strategy my friend taught me on my first visit (see: R29, item #1). My brother, who has experienced Panda Express a handful of times in the past, told me I was being a "fussy gay" and that we should just go inside right away. I threatened to tell our 'rents about the time I came home from college to find him gobbling his former piano teacher's cookies on the antique dining room table. So, we waited. A solid 20 minutes. Sure enough, a long line formed, after which we high tailed it out of the car and waited patiently in line. Our server, a RIDICULOUSLY cute Asian college student - YES, really Asian - apologized that there'd be 5 minute wait for a fresh batch of Orange Chicken. Oh, if only he knew. My new favorite food service employee, Gloria, was there as well. And, yes, as we exchanged credit cards for soy sauce packets and chopsticks, she, again, said "thank you for being a Panda!" with an extra dose of holiday cheer in her beautifully accented trill.

In addition to his Chinese-ish food, my brother also ate some crow as he reluctantly admitted that he'd never tasted such fresh, delicious Orange Chicken before. I'm so glad that during this festive season, I was able to pass this valuable technique on to him. One day, several years after my brother has knocked up his girlfriend or piano teacher, my nephews will take me to Panda Express in their semi-autonomous Google cars and we'll wait patiently in the parking lot until a line forms, then hustle inside to get our freshly 3D-printed orange chicken. I'm getting a little choked up thinking about it now. Or maybe it's just indigestion.

Happy Boxing Day, everyone!

R63/OP -

Die in a grease fire, you addlepated, boring fool. In other words,

eat shit and die. Since you're halfway to the destination.

Awwww. Thank you, R64! No one's told me to die in a grease fire in AGES. So nice to hear those words again. And speaking of words, thanks for teaching me a new one: addlepated. Hope you're having a lovely holiday. XXOO

Has anyone been to the original Panda Restaurant?

Panda Express serves authentic Chinese food cooked by Mexixans.

One Chinese friend's 1st job in the US after arriving from (mainland) China was as a cashier at Chicago's Panda Express. She asked me how Americans could eat anything so sweet and not get sick. I explained that what I thought of as American sweet and sour chicken from Los Angeles' Chinatown, had maladapted when brought to the Mid West.

Linked are several Copycat Panda Express recipes including Orange Chicken which you can improve upon to suit your taste buds and health concerns.

Indeed overpriced for what you get especially compared to a normal Chinese restaurant -- and the idiots working there have been taught to skimp so the portions are the minimum they can get away with. It shouldn't suck but it does.

How do they get away with serving Panda.....seriously

It's finger-Ling-Ling good!

R66 I believe the original restaurant is called Panda INN, and I think it's in Pasadena.

Jeez, R64. What's your damage, Helen?!

There are many links online to better versions of Panda's most popular recipes; adjust the amount of sugar and spice to your individual taste.

Thanks, OP, for all the fun. I'l confess that I eat the chicken with green beans (lotsa protein, not many calories) once in a while.

What effing kills me about the place is that after all these years, they can't or won't keep the goddamn food hot in the trays. Something someone alluded to: Getting something very fresh makes a massive, massive difference. I eat more than my share of fast food, burritos from a locally owned Mex place, but I wouldn't eat P.E. that's been sitting around if it was free.

"We. no see your cat. Please stop asking. Try our chicken. It's puuuurfect!"

If you must know, cats do not taste like chicken.

Speaking of chain "Chinese" restaurants - Asian Chao's steamed cabbage/vegetable medley is fantastic. I usually ask for a double order of it in place of any steamed/fried rice. It's super garlicy and savory, tender but not overcooked - and I don't feel so guilty for eating a large portion of it. I like their "bourbon chicken" too, even though the sauce is loaded with MSG. I know it's not actually authentic in general, but it's still damn delicious, and Asian Chao makes it better than most Chinese takeout joints do in my experience. I've tried ordering "bourbon chicken" from the local Chinese takeout places, but their sauce just tastes like they dumped maple syrup over some chicken thigh meat.

Is Pick Up Stix still around? Their House Special Chicken was the bomb.

Is Pei Wei a cut above Panda Express, or are they about the same?

[quote] Has anyone been to the original Panda Restaurant?

Yes, I've been to the Panda Inns in Pasadena and Glendale, CA. Good Chinese food.

[quote]What should I get?

Imodium AD

Yes, I know r72. Been there many times.

R77=ALF

R80 Pei Wei is owned by the PF Chang's people. It's more fast-casual than fast-food.

Prepare to spend the rest of your life struggling with obesity and bad skin. You'll never find love and will die alone. Get a salad at Whole Food instead.

R86 is why the straights hate us.

[quote]Get a salad at Whole Food instead.

Coming from someone who has never been to Whole FoodS.

Is this the best time of year to eat panda? Or are there certain months when it's in season?

Actually buying salads at Whole Foods is a terrific idea. I buy just what I want when I want it. I can vary the type of food I want day to day and I don't end up wasting food at home.

The salad bar is great.

It's been more than two years since I've shoveled some tangy, crispy Orange chicken down my gullet. My friend and I had 20 minutes for a quick dinner before a show and we parked less than a block away from Panda, so it just had to be. They were out of Orange Chicken. Not as in... "we're wok'ing up a fresh batch", but as in they'd run out of the ingredients. However, we had a rare treat. They were testing out a new dish at this location... Lemon Chicken. It was different than what I recall their Orange Chicken being like. It had a lighter tempura style batter and was thinly coated with in a tangy lemon ginger (I think) sauce and little fried garlic chili flakes. For my taste, a little too sweet to have a full meal of the stuff, but when paired with a more savory dish, it was surprisingly good. Solid 3/5.

Now, our friend's play on the other the other hand... oy!