What Did Carol Brady Do All Day?

Masturbate

Like most professional housewves with housekeepers, Carol was medicated and stored in a laundry room when not needed.

Well, we all know she would just *die* if she didn't get that recipe...

Wait, er, wrong?

She also marched on city hall to keep Woodland Park open(also, heading that committee). Sang in the church choir(at least for one Christmas). Took the girls to ballet and dance classes.

She searched the world for a straight husband.

I always wondered what it looked like behind that screen behind Mike and Carol's bed. And I also suspect their bathroom had the only toilet.

She was like my mom. Just hung around the house while her husband made money. I envy them both.

It takes TIME to get my hair just right, bitches.

Threesomes with Greg and Peter. Plotting Marcia's demise with accidental footballs to the face. Undermining Jan and her homely looks.

Gocery shop

People always say this. She had six kids, none of whom was old enough to drive when the show started. Chauffering them around would take a lot out of her day. She also did the grocery shopping -- I haven't ever tried to keep a pantry stocked for 9 people, three of them pre-teen and teen boys, but I imagine it's a bit of a job -- and helped Alice with numerous household tasks. Then there are the committees that housewives were expected to be part of ("Save Woodland Park!"), the PTA and classroom parties, etc. I'm going to guess that she kept her days filled reasonably well. Who do you think did all the clothes shopping, travel arrangements, packing, and kid-corralling when Mike surprised everyone with yet another impromptu trip? Even the smaller events, such as square dances, don't just happen. Whether she made the outfits or just found and purchased them (all in different sizes, with six ever-growing kids to consider), that took some effort. Even in her quiet moments, Carol always seems to be doing something...she was such a prolific needlepointer that they actually made it a significant plot point in the second Brady Bunch movie!

On the other hand, Mike draws pictures of houses all day and is the only one with his own private room (unless you count Alice's tiny servant quarters) for drawing even more pictures of houses when he isn't at work. For this, he gets rewarded with free pool tables and trips to Hawaii and Cincinnati (okay, the latter isn't such an honor) and best of all, nobody ever asks him "What do you DO all day?" f

I think it's time Carol Brady got a little respect. For putting up with Jan alone, she has earned it.

"People always say this." It's all I ever hear, everywhere I go.

[quote]She also marched on city hall to keep Woodland Park open(also, heading that committee).

But she basically stayed at home and had Alice and the kids do all the work.

[quote]She had six kids, none of whom was old enough to drive when the show started. Chauffering them around would take a lot out of her day.

No, the kids were constantly shown riding their bikes to and from school and the park. Time and time again, Greg would say to Peter, let's go to the park, and the kids would walk or ride their bikes there. Even when the family went looking for Tiger the kids (except Bobby who was with Mike in the car) rode their bikes or walked.

[quote] She also did the grocery shopping

Carol had the meat delivered and we saw Eddie the delivery boy bringing in groceries. There were a few episodes like when Carol was hit in the car, the detergent commercial and Macker Maldril where for the plot sake, Carol went out.

I'll tell you what she DIDN'T do. Work on unifying her chest and head voice to create a balanced sound.

She was a shit-poor imitation of Joann Nash.

Joann wrestled with plumbing and papering vast expanses of gothic wall.

Carol didn't do shit.

[quote] "People always say this." It's all I ever hear, everywhere I go.

Even though you're mocking me, this made me laugh.

That mullet didn't just happen. That's a morning's work right there.

[quote]Carol had the meat delivered

She sure did. And I was the delivery man.

She fucked any and all takers.

R11 wins the thread.

She probably went through the boys laundry to get rid of Greg and Peter's cum rags so Alice wouldn't be mortified. She gabbed on the phone with her friends Martha and Ellie, drank 6 cups of coffee and had subsequent bowel movements because of it. After a sandwich and watching her stories, next thing you know the kids are home. I'm sure she didn't have a lot of free time.

Whipped my panties off and rode the pony.

Wrestled Alice in Wesson oil.

Fingered my fart box and blew wet queefs on pictures of Dean Martin.

"Masturbate"

Anointed and slicked with Wessonality.

She and Alice were busy down at the Y.

Given what R11 has pointed out, maybe she didn't really masturbate all that much.

She popped another benzo and brushed out her shag wig on its white styrofoam head while absent-mindedly caressing the periphery of her pussy with an index finger coated in cherry Chapstick.

She gave Greg and Mr. Brady home permanents when they went "curly."

She was "friendly" with the mayor. He gave her an STI.

When "helping her with her homework," she raped Cindy with a spatula.

If that hideous comment is true, I hope Cindy was the biggest tattletale about it.

She and Alice entertained the kids with "Pudding Farts" competitions in the orange and brown kitchen. Carol hated losing and took it out on the upholstery

She'd use Kitty Karry-All's little plastic hands to finger blast herself in Mike's study.

Why the fuck should she do anything? She had the foresight to marry an engineer or whatever the fuck he was, and frankly, popping out all those children should be enough.

She probably just popped pills and watched her stories, and I say good for her. You bitches are just jealous.

I just sit silently most of the day, sipping on Martini & Rossi on the rocks, dreaming of what could have been. They told me that Song of Norway was going to be my Sound of Music. Ha! And here I am [noisily empties the glass down her throat] trapped in this fucking sitcom. I should be a big Broadway star. I really want to win an Oscar. Oh, I know, [pours another glass] I could have my own musical variety series on TV!

Or maybe [belches] I'll just fuck the oldest "son", Barry something or other. He's not half bad and at least he's straight.

It clearly took two full timers to take care of that household. You usually saw Carol helping Alice making breakfast, and preparing the kids' lunches. Even though Alice was the maid, Carol clearly helped out with a lot of the kids' stuff.

And you can't ride a bike everywhere. I'm sure Carol played chauffeur quite a bit.

After she became a Christian fundamentalist, she spent most of the day muttering, "Rape me Jesus, for I have sinned!" while smacking herself in the face with a large, wooden salad spoon.

[quote] popping out all those children should be enough.

You need to listen to the them song again/for the first time.

Alice's "Depends" didn't just change themselves, y'know.

Talking Alice down from her amphetamine highs.

We know Mr Brady adopted Marcia, Jan and Cindy, because they changed their name from Martin to Brady. Do you think Mrs Brady adopted the boys?

And what about when the grandparents married, didn't that make them incests?

[quote] Do you think Mrs Brady adopted the boys?

No. It would make fucking them seem icky.

[quote]And what about when the grandparents married, didn't that make them incests?

When did that happen, in one of the sequels?

Most of my day was taken with trying to convince the neighbors that Mike was Haitian.

No, Connie Hutchins from Kentucky married Judge Brady on an episode of the Brady Bunch original series.

I liked it when the Judge told Connie.

"Last week I sentenced a colored man to ten years in prison, and he was only the witness."

And Connie replies

"Where I come from we just lynch that sort."

And it was love.

She spent all day filming a talk show for The Nashville Network.

Lying around in her caftan, eating bonbons, drinking mimosas and reading Jackie Susann novels like you queens wish you could!

Lesbian affair with Alice

Choreographed all the shows at the local community theater. They loved her PROMISES, PROMISES and GYPSY.

What DID Alice and Carol do all day long? That is a mystery, isn't it? The house was 1970's minimalist; after you wiped down the plastic formica and linoleum, vacuumed and did a load of laundry, what's left?

Someone had to clean up after Sam the butcher delivered the meat, and Alice was incapacitated.

r49

I am sure Carol could've done much, much, MUCH better than Alice.

She followed the Womens Tennis crowd around the country. She was out of town a lot.

Who ironed Mike's hideous suits?

I think R41 is onto something

R55, you can't iron that shit. It melts.

She also skippered the boy's fishing boat...

Let's not forget her acting career in the back yard as Snow White and the Puritan gal who died of scurvy...

Her flagship performance was as a hobo when she & Marcia brought down the house at the senior shenanigans

Threw darts at a photo of Shirley Jones while muttering: "Where's MY movie career?"

"Where's MY Oscar?"

"Where's MY hit albums?"

"Where's MY big dicked gay ex-husband and army of mega-donged kids/stepkids all with musical talent?"

"Huh! WHERE????"

[html removed]

I'm sure Carol never worried about mega-donged kids.

I do wonder if gay dads ever worry about this,though.

Every Tuesday was enema night for the boys, and Wednesday night was reserved for the girls’ rectal ministrations.

R11 has it right. But I think Carol did have an artistic inclination she tried to develop. We know about her acting and singing forays and needlepoint, but she was also a sculptress.

Lured hobos into the Tiger's vacated doghouse and gutted them.

A jar of peanut butter + Tiger = afternoon delight

Scissor Alice up to five seconds before the kids came home from school.

Placed objects up her urethra.

Probed the toilet bowls for abject pubes. Ate them.

Spent hours with a mirror watching her flex her sphincter.

Rubbed her clit with Bobby's toothbrush.

Placed her tits in, respectively, Tiger's food and water bowls.

Wished AIDS on Robert Reed.

Desperately tried rubbing the mole off her face.

Needlepoint.

Punched herself in the stomach aborting a fourth daughter.

Food drive.

Licked Kaye cross-eyed while calling her "Alice".

Kaye hated that and would beat her with a hairbrush whenever she did that.

Placed discharge from yeast infection into family's orange juice.

Learned Spanish.

[quote] [R11] wins the thread.

It's not a competition, Jan.

Sobbed knowing that, except for this role, her career was over.

Toe-fucked a sleeping Jan.

Cut a peep hole in Alice's bedroom wall and watched Sam make the weekly meat delivery.

She had to climb Mt. Everest to reach the Valley of the Dolls.

Assuming her strangely divergent daughters were fathered by three different men, she was probably still being the town slut, or maybe she was turning tricks in Woodland Park.

"Lying around in her caftan, eating bonbons, drinking mimosas and reading Jackie Susann novels like you queens wish you could!"

What do you mean, "wish?" dumbass! Meanwhile, her ears were particularly naked, weren't they?

Sang show tunes to her turds floating in the toilet.

Remember when Carol was in Hawaii and she demanded Mike buy her that Jade bracelet so, Mike put a huge spider in a bag and gave it to her?

None of you appreciate the amount of time and effort it took to repeatedly put that bitch Marcia in her place.

r86

So you are gay, eh Kingsfan?

Well, I have to run the pub and talk to my dead husband in a mirror- sorry. Wrong thread.

A distracted Alice + a broom handle = SURPRISE ANAL!!!

R91 - So THAT'S what that face was all about!

I never understood this. Shirley Partridge had five kids and no husband. Plus she traveled to singing gigs on weekends and over the Summer. You didn't see her with no stinking maid.

I think Carol went over to Shirley's house and they worked on plans to genetically change people. You saw the result when Chris Partridge went from an anorexic brunette to a solidly built blonde.

"Housework expands to fill the day"

Barry Williams is 61 tomorrow.

Get it Flo!

And it all comes back except one tablespoon!

Did Wesson ever release their line of condoms?

Carol was often seen doing needlepoint at night after dinner. I do hope that helps to fill in some gaps.

She'd tell Alice she had to go downstairs and have her daily Scotch. Alice thought she meant scotch hair tape and always thought it was the secret behind her perfect flip. Carol was talking about the "Lost Weekend" kind of Scotch, the kind that helped her while away all those empty hours in the middle of the day.

I agree--r11's post wins this thread.

Barry Williams is on Celebrity Worst Cooks in America, with Urkel, Kendra, Superman (Cain) some Bachelor dude, and long-forgotten SNL'er Ellen Cleghorne.

Woof!

She grew weed in the back yard for her son.

I saw Barry Williams play Tony in West Side Story in Kansas City.

He didn't make his high note in 'Maria'.

It was painful.

They never should have brought in Oliver to save the show. Mike and Carol should have had a baby together. It would have been ratings gold.

You want the truth about what Carol did all day? You can't handle the truth!

Carol was s chalky voracious. She didn't get much from her gay husband, so her days were spent either trolling cheap bars for dick, or staying home, spreading her legs, and letting Alice chow down.

R105, I think it was suggested that Mike and Carol have a baby, possibly in the later seasons, but it was dropped as not to mess up the even dynamic of the kids (3 girls vs 3 boys). I suppose the show could have resolved it by having Carol give birth to twins, a boy and a girl.

Never mind Carol. What did June Cleaver do all day? Besides vacuuming in her pearls. She only had two boys to look after and they were oddly neat and tidy. The house was a lot smaller than the Brady place so housework would have been done in 10 minutes tops.

Then she waits for Beaver and Wally to come home. But what is she doing the rest of the time?

[quote] But what is she doing the rest of the time?

Boning up on her Jive of course.

[quote]Shirley Partridge had five kids and no husband. Plus she traveled to singing gigs on weekends and over the Summer. You didn't see her with no stinking maid.

She was a lazy ass. Why do you think Chris and Tracey never got any lines? They were too busy being Shirley's slaves and doing all the housework. I bet she rented them out sexually too.

[quote]They never should have brought in Oliver to save the show. Mike and Carol should have had a baby together.

Like the Partridge Family, shouldn't have brought in Ricky Seagull who was 100 times worse than cousin Oliver.

[quote] What did June Cleaver do all day? Besides vacuuming in her pearls. She only had two boys to look after and they were oddly neat and tidy. The house was a lot smaller than the Brady place so housework would have been done in 10 minutes tops.

Hardly. First of all I disagree the house was smaller. Ward's den was the same as Mike's den. The Cleavers had three bedrooms same as the Brady's (save Alice's small room). They also had at least three bathrooms (downstairs, and off the two upstairs bedrooms.) The Cleavers also had a basement.

June cooked all the meals, she was shown to work around the house, she even painted the garbage cans, when the boys and Mr Cleaver neglected the job. She would sew all the clothes and was shown on occasion to repair things, though Ward did more of that. June was also shown to have a high upper class. She went to a fancy "eastern" boarding school. Why I'm sure one of her classmates was probably the mother of Blair or Natalie.

However, June's education and intelligence varied widely depending on the writer or script needs. For instance, in one episode where Wally does his economic homework, June easily answer his questions on stocks and bonds that Ward can't. On the other hand in another episode we find her so incompetent she was fired from a bookstore after five days for not being able to balance her sales receipts. She also appears to have went to college in some episodes and not others.

June also won a bathing cap for swimming and attended a fight at Madison Square Garden.

[quote] we find her so incompetent she was fired from a bookstore after five days for not being able to balance her sales receipts.

That was due to her anxiety disorder, which spiked in public-facing working environments.

All I know is that watching Leave it to Beaver reruns after school saved me. June was my mom, at least for a half hour, as much as she was Beaver's.

She tries to figure out what to plug into the electrical outlet on the face of her wall oven.

Did the Brady's have a pizza oven?

I like the Zsa Zsa maquillage tycoon who pestered Mike for a lipstick skyscraper. In pink.

Love, just ♡ R111

Same thing my mom did all day. Watched her stories and gossiped with the neighbors.

I really, really envy my mom's lifestyle from those days. my dad worked hard all day and my mom got to sit around.

Yes what was that square hole next to the oven?

R120, your dad worked from 9 to 5. Your mother worked from 5 a.m. until 11 p.m. and yet you resented her taking a break to watch her soaps and gossip with the neighbors. In the old neighborhoods, friendly neighbors made a big difference in quality of life. While my father gossiped with his co-workers, my mother was baking bread for dinner.

R121, for the hibachi grill.

R122 = pat nixon's pill pusher

She probably went to the garden club and PTA meetings, helped out at the church, pruned her prize roses, made the shopping lists for the house and the weekend vacation home. Wrote letters to college friends and to relatives bringing them up to date on the latest (this was before those mimeographed Christmas letters that only had to be sent once a year. Plan for parties -- grownup parties, kids birthday parties. Fill in the calendar with dates for when summer furniture came out of storage and when summer furniture went back into storage. When to call cleaners to clean the yacht and the speedboats. When to put the boats to bed for the winter. Had the housekeeper call the appropriate workmen to complete tasks.

Read books on bestseller lists when kids were in school. Read Time, Newsweek to keep up on pop culture, read Psychology Today to figure out WTF was wrong with her kids.

That's what my rich friend's mother did in the 70s.

[quote] She also appears to have went to college

Oh dear

Can't say the same for you

Numerous affairs fueled by large quantities of alcohol and drugs.

Whatever it was, it CLEARLY didn't involve styling her hair

She informed on all the suspected homosexuals in town. She'd talk to their employers, saying how much do you know this guy anyway? He's a FAG, and you're a fool for not already knowing. But now you do, now you know this guy, anyway.

R122 you totally misunderstood my tone! Yes, my mom washed and ironed and cleaned. But she got to be home all day, play tennis, go shopping, hang out with mrs. O'Rorke across the street- in a very nice suburban setting. Every one in a while she got to off to NY and see a play. She went out to dinner a couple nights a week. She would do "ladies who lunch" types of things.

I WANT THAT LIFE!! I don't denigrate it or her at all. I envy and admire it.

my mom kinda cracked up for a while once me and my sister went off the college. Got into the white wine and pills. I didn't understand it then, but 25 years later I completely do.

r129, so I outed Robert Reed to Sherwood Schwartz five minutes after I sniffed out that he was gay. I broke a heel running to Schwartz's office to ask him how much he knew this guy. Not very well, since it hadn't yet occurred to him that he was a FAG, so how well could he have known him? I just believe in law and order. An employer has the right to know the sexual preferences of their employees. Rob should've admitted he was a homo to give Sherwood the option of not hiring a degenerate.

'Me and my sister went off the college'

She spent her days designing routines, sets, and costumes for what would become The Brady Bunch Variety Hour. You only thought that show was conceived in Hell.

[quote] Threw darts at a photo of Shirley Jones while muttering: "Where's MY movie career?" "Where's MY Oscar?" "Where's MY hit albums?" "Where's MY big dicked gay ex-husband and army of mega-donged kids/stepkids all with musical talent?" "Huh! WHERE????"

Carol, honey, if you'd have just put out for Dick and Oscar you could have had all those things.

5 a.m. until 11 p.m.? You act like they're taking laundry down to the river, beating rugs in the backyard, and making soap out of ash. 5 a.m. until 11 p.m.? Fuck my mother went back to bed after we were all off to school.

Imagine being a 60s/70s housewife being expected to do nothing but watch soap operas all day and not being fulfilled with that.

OP, I'm not sure what Carol Brady did all day, but when she was done with whatever it was, she always opened the front door of the house and screamed "The Aristocrats!"

Mums and Dads and I never knew what she was talking about.

But it sounded ghastly.

[R136] I'm having very little trouble imagining it these days.

Bon Bons!

IRL , the laundry would be never ending. Clothing, bed linens, towels, Peter and Greg’s cum-encrusted socks.

Coffee enemas, reading books on how to cure homosexuality, sniffing Greg's underwear, gabbing on the phone, vocal exercises.

She salvaged all the wadded up, cum crusty tea towels from under Greg and Peter’s bed before Alice discovered them.

She banged Mr Dittmeyer. Lord knows she wasn't getting it from Mike.

She fucked Mike Brady---- oh wait, he was gay, I guess she turned him gay.

R36 I read shades of the the Joan Steffend Troll in your post.

Counted the days until Greg reached 18, then made her move on his virgin cock.

Unfortunately, she found out that Mike had beat her to it.

Raised six fucking kids, took care of a dog, avoided annoying cousin Oliver, and kept looking for the Wesson oil under the boys beds. 💅🏼

Ate Mrs. Dittmeyer's pussy!

She should have made Alice do the grocery shopping..

Played with tit cups

Carol was the madam of a child prostitution ring run out of Sam's butcher shop.

That's where Hillary got the idea, except she couldn't find a butcher shop, had to settle for a pizza parlor.

Witchcraft. It’s obvious.

She was schtupping everyone in that house. That place was like Caligula after the episodes.

The episode with Don Drysdale scared the hell out of me for some reason. He looked HUGE!