Silly song lyrics from childhood

Comet! It makes your mouth turn green!

Comet! It tastes like gasoline!

Comet! It makes you vomit!

So eat some Comet and vomit today!

(to the tune of "The Caissons Go Rolling Along")

I wanna hear the one again about Uncle Jed and Elly May!

same tune as R1:

Hitler had only big ball

Goering had two, but they were small

Himmler had something sim'lar

And poor old Goebbals had no balls at all!

(Grandpa was a WWII vet - could you tell?)

R1, we sang that to the Colonel Bogey March.

I remember a somewhat different version of that one, OP. Instead of the "One leg is missing..." section, it went something like "[Can't remember the first line], he no longer barks; his hind legs are broken, they're throwing up sparks." What an awful, sick-o song parody!

The Addams Family started

When Uncle Fester farted

They all came out retarded

The Addams Fam-i-ly!

Twinkies...

Ding Dongs ...

Ho-Ho's...

FAT GIRL!

For R2:

Come and listen to my story 'bout a man named Jed

He grabbed Ellie May and he threw her on the bed

He opened up his zipper and out came a worm

And out from the worm came a bubblin' sperm

Cum that is, white gold, from his pee....

Thank you, R8!

R4 is correct!

They're up, they're down, they're all around, Natalie weight 1000 pounds, The Fats of Life, the Fats of Life!

Oh the black girl, her name's Tootie And she's got a great big booty on The Fats of Life, the Fats of Life!

She's butch, she's tough, she rides a bike, Everyone knows that Jo's a dyke, The Fats of Life, the Fats of Life!

She's got big hip, she's got blond hair, The lipstick lesbian's name is Blair, The Fats of Life, the Fats of Life!

I’ll plant my own tree and I’ll make it grow.

My tree will not be just one in a row.

My tree will offer shade

when strangers go by.

Jingle bells, Batman smells

Robin laid an egg

Batmobile, lost a wheel

And Joker got away!

On top of spaghetti,

All covered with cheese,

I lost my poor meatball,

When somebody sneezed.

It rolled off the table,

And on to the floor,

And then my poor meatball,

Rolled out of the door.

It rolled in the garden,

And under a bush,

And then my poor meatball,

Was nothing but mush.

The mush was as tasty

As tasty could be,

And then the next summer,

It grew into a tree.

The tree was all covered,

All covered with moss,

And on it grew meatballs,

And tomato sauce.

So if you eat spaghetti,

All covered with cheese,

Hold on to your meatball,

Whenever you sneeze.

They're coming to take me away, ha ha, To the funny far, Where life is beautiful all day long, And I'll be glad to see those men in their clean white suits........

O Dear what can the matter be

Three old maids locked in the lavatory

They were there from Monday to Saturday

Nobody knew they were there!

I dream of Jeannie

Want a ten-foot weenie

Showed it to the lady next door

She thought it was a snake

So she hit it with a rake

Now it's only nine-feet-four

Tra...la...la...la..

BOOM de-ay

There is no school today

My teacher passed away

We threw her in the bay

We tried to fish her out

She smelled like sauerkraut

Tra la la ala BOOM de-ay

There is no school today!!

What's for dinner?..

Great big globs of greasy, grimey gopher guts

Mutilated monkey meat

Dirty little birdy feet

French-fried eyeballs floatin' in a pool of blood

And I forgot my spoon...

I hate Bosco! It's thick and chocolatey. Mommy puts it in my milk To try to poison me.

I fooled Mommy. I put it in her tea. Now there's no more Mommy To try to poison me.

(Sung, of course, to the tune of the Bosco jingle. It's a silly song, but I was too embarrassed to reveal that I still remember all of the lyrics to "Walking down Canal Street, knocking on every door, God damned son of a bitch, I couldn't find a whore." That dates to when I was eight. There are several additional verses.)

You should never laugh when a hearse goes by

Because you may be the next to die

They wrap you up in a clean white sheet

And bury you down about 16 feet

The worms crawl in The worms crawl out

The worms play pinochle on your snout

They eat your eyes, they eat your nose

They eat the goodies between your toes

Timmy Timmy two by four

Can't fit through the bathroom door

So he did it on the floor

Cleaned it up and did it some more

As I was walking down the street a billboard caught my eye

The advertisements listed there could make you laugh or cry

The sign was torn and tattered from the storm the night before

The wind and rain had done its work and this is what I saw

Smoke Coca Cola cigarettes chew Wrigley Spearmint Beer

Kennel Ration dog food makes your wife's complexion clear

Chocolate-covered mothballs, they always satisfy

Brush your teeht with Lifebuoy Soap and watch the suds go by...

(there's another verse if anyone else cares to chime in...)

I vaguely remember one called Found a Peanut, but I don't remember the words. That and Greasy Grimy Gopher Guts mentioned above were popular on the school bus in the late 50s.

Here you go:

Found a peanut, found a peanut,

Found a peanut just now,

Just now I found a peanut,

Found a peanut just now.

Cracked it open, cracked it open,

Cracked it open just now,

Just now I cracked it open,

Cracked it open just now.

It was rotten, it was rotten,

It was rotten just now,

Just now it was rotten,

It was rotten just now.

Ate it anyway, ate it anyway,

Ate it anyway just now,

Just now I ate it anyway

Ate it anyway just now.

Got a tummy ache, got a tummy ache,

Got a tummy ache just now,

Just now I got a stomach ache,

Got a stomach ache just now.

It goes on and on til you end up in hospital.

No R25 it goes on and on until you DIED and...

went to heaven, went to heaven, went to heaven

(we said "last night" not "just now")

Last night I went to heaven.....

The tune for "Found a Peanut" is "My Darling Clementine."

O...Mar-y

Mack Mack Mack

All dressed in black black black

With Silver buttons buttons buttons

All down her back back back

She asked her mother mother mother

For 50 cents cent cent

To see the elephant elephant elephant

Jump the fence fence fence

It jumped so high high high

It reached the sky sky sky

And it never came back back back

Till the 4th of July-y-y-

And then it died died died (Optional)

Hello mother Hello father Greetings from camp marijuanna Crack is good, weed is better I'm so high I don't know how I wrote this letter

I pledge allegiance to the flag Michael Jackson is a fag Pepsi Cola burnt him up Now he's drinking 7-Up

Ya mama's in jail Ya daddy's in hell Ya granny's on the corner yelling pussy for sale

From the farm:

(use a Foghorn Leghorn voice)

---

"Beat my meat on a tractor seat!

Doo-dah! Doo-dah!

Hands got tired, so I beat it with my feet!

Oh, de-doo-dah-day!"

Our version of dead dog Rover said that "one leg is broken, the other is sprained. I ran him over with my Coco Puff train"

Great green globs of Greasy grimy gopher guts

Concentrated turkey feet

Mutilated monkey meat

One full can of People's ripest porpoise guts

Floating in pink lemonade

And me without a straw!

My mama told me, if I was good-y

That she would buy me a rubber dolly

My auntie told her

I kissed a soldier

Now she won't buy me that rubber dolly

Ohhhhh

3,6,9

The goose drank wine

The monkey chewed tobacco on the street car line

The line broke

The monkey got choke'

And they all went to heaven in a big white boat

Clap clap!

One day while I was out shopping

Though you'll find it hard to believe

A little blue man came out of the crowd

And timidly tugged on my sleeve.

"I wuv you, I wuv you"

Said the little blue man

"I wuv you, I wuv you to bits!"

He loved me, said the little blue man

And scared me right out of my wits!

for r34

r34, have you seen Pia Zadora's 80s ultra-camp video of that song?

Chipmunks roastin' awn a open fire

Bullfrawgs nippin' at ye boobs

Little kids saingin' vulgerr sawngs

And fokes dressed up like pissyloot

Everbody knows... a peeenus and some testicles

Help to make the season bright

Tiny tits with they... all aglow

Ull make it hard to sleep tonight.

Growing up in a bilingual part of Canada, we used to sing this.

I go yesterday 'All aboard!' aux Etats,

With my porte-manteau and my umbrella.

Grimp-ing the gros chars on my seat ch't'en retard

A travers le window j'ai voulu embrasser, mon cavalier but

The train ran away! The train was so quick,

que ch't'allé plus loin

Pis j'ai embrassé une vache qui regardait passer le train!

(sung ro the tune of the "Little Egypt" belly dancer song)

There's a place on Mars

Where the ladies make cigars

The cigars they make

Are bad enough to choke a snake

When the snake is dead

They put roses on its head

When the roses die

It is 1965!

(tot he tune of God Bless America)

God bless my underwear

They were my only pair

I wore them and tore them

On the seat of the old rocking chair

She was going round the corner doing 90

When the chain on her motorcycle broke.

Then they found her in the grass

with the muffler up her ass

and her tits playing Dixie on the spokes!

for r41

God bless my underwear, my only pair. Stand beside them, and guide them, Through the rips, through the holes, through the tears. From the washer, to the dryer, to my backpack, to my rear. God bless my underwear, my only pair. God bless my underwear, or I'll be bare.

God bless my underwear That I wear down there. I outgrow them, then throw them, Those who wear them will never be square When the bully, gives a wedgie Pray that they won’t ever tear God bless my underwear, my only pair. God bless my underwear, or I’ll need to share.

We three kings of Orient are

Trying to smoke a rubber cigar

The cigar is loaded

And it exploded

That's what you get

For buying a cheap cigar

Ohhhh....

Cigar of wonder, cigar of light

Cigar that's packed with dynamite

Westward leading

We're still bleeding

Guide us with your flare, you might

I have been re-reading "Song of Solomon" by Toni Morrison (great classic--check it out if you haven't read it, or haven't read it recently).

In the novel, the protagonist comes across a group of children in the deep south who play and sing a "silly song" that actually turns out to be a historical accounting of a harrowing event experienced by protagonist's great-grandparents.

Today, while reading this thread and looking up a "nonsense song" I and my friends sang in childhood, I realized that I have been singing the chorus of an old "song of the south" written in 1851 during the civil war which, in part, depicted the relationship between a slavemaster and their "beloved" slave.

It's Twilight Zonish for me. Hope you can appreciate.

Nothing could be finer than to be in her vagina in the mawrning

Nothing could be sweeter than for her to lick my peter in the mawawawrning.

R40, our version was different:

In the land of Oz

All the ladies smoke cigars

and the smoke they make

is enough to kill a snake

when the snakes are dead

they put roses in their heads

when the roses die

they put diamonds in their eyes

And there was Grandma

Swinging from the outhouse door

Without her nightie

Waiting for the garbage man

who was a playboy

Baby, could you ask for more?

Two dollars, pleeeaaassse!

From my basic piano lesson book - I think the first book.

"Traffic Cop"

Traffic go

Traffic stop

All must heed the traffic cop

When I'm grown

I shall be

Just as fine a cop as he

To "Funiculi, Funicula"

Last night, I stayed at home and masturbated

It felt so good. I knew it would.

Last night, I stayed at home and masturbated

It felt so nice, I did it twice.

Beat it, slam it, throw it on the floor

Wrap it around the bedpost, slam it in the door

It feels so neat to beat your meat

It turns those inches into feeeeet!

Hercules – made of cheese and bolognie!

Hercules – just a big, fat phony

With the strength of ten

Plastic Army men

Murder in his heart

Fire in every fart

of the mighty – Hercules!

R50 --

Thanks for the laugh!

Driving down the highway, doing 94

Teacher laid a gasser, blew me out the door.

The engine couldn't take it, the motor fell apart

all because the teacher laid a supersonic fart

McDonald's is my kind of place

Cheeseburgers in your face

dill pickles up your nose

french fries between your toes

I want my money back,

Before I have a Big Mac attack

Lincoln, Lincoln

I've been thinkin'

What the heck have you been drinkin'?

Looks like water, tastes like wine

Oh my gosh it's turpentine!

Whistle while you work

Hitler is a jerk

Mussolini ate his weenie

Now it doesn't squirt

Sung to the Tune of "Alouette":

Suffocation, takes coordination

Suffocation, a game we all can play.

First you take a plastic bag,

then you put it on your head

Go to bed

Wake up dead

Ohhhhhhh (repeat 100x)

A variation of r50s ditty:

Last night, I stayed up late to masturbate

It felt so nice, I did it twice.

Last night, I stayed at home to pull my pud

It felt so good. I knew it would.

Beat it, whack it, throw it on the floor

Bite it, smite it, slam it in the door

I know some people like to think a fuck is really grand,

But for all-around-enjoyment I prefer to use the hand.

I remember that one, R57! There were more verses:

"First you take a rubber hose

then you stick it up your nose.

Turn it on - then you're gone!"

And

"Then you take a piece of rope

then you put it around your throat

Pull it tight - outta sight!"

R56, there is also a Canadian version!

"Whistle while you work

Trudeau is a jerk

Diefenbaker was a faker

Whistle while you work."

r54 Another version:

McDonald's is my kind of place

They feed you rattlesnakes

Hamburgers up your nose

French fries between your toes

The last time that I went there

They stole my underwear

I really didn't care

It was a dirty pair

And also the frosty shakes

Made from polluted lakes

McDonald's is my kind of place!

I know a weenie man, He owns a weenie stand. He sells most anything From hot dogs on down. Someday I'll join his life. I'll be his weenie wife. Hot dog! I love that weenie man! Hot dog!

The horses run around, their feet are on the ground, Oh, who will wind the clock while I'm away, away, Go get the axe, there's a hair on baby's chest; Oh, a boy's best friend is his mother, his mother.

While looking out the window, a second story window, I slipped and sprained my eyebrow on the pavement, the pavement, Go get the Listerine, sister has a beau, Who cut the sleeves off father's vest, his vest.

A-peeking through the knothole, in grandpa's wooden leg, Oh, who has built the shore so near the ocean, the ocean, Go get the alcohol, Willy wants a drink, For grandma's false teeth will soon fit baby, fit baby.

While walking in the moonlight, the bright and sunny moonlight, She kissed me in the eye with a tomato, tomato, We feed the baby garlic so we can find him in the dark; An onion is a husky vegetable, a table.

She spanked him with a shingle, and made his panties tingle, Because he socked his little baby brother, his brother, A snake's belt slips, because he has no hips, And he wears a necktie around his middle, his middle.

The Campsong songbook

Does anyone know the "Booger Song"? All I can remember is:

Boogers! Boogers!

You eat every one that you pick

The bear song of course.

The other day (echo: The other day) I saw a bear (I saw a bear) Out in the woods (Out in the woods) A way out there (A way out there)

Both groups together: The other day I saw a bear, Out in the woods a way out there.

He looked at me I looked at him. He sized up me, I sized up him.

He says to me, Why don't you run? 'For I see you ain't Got any gun?

I says to him, That's a good idea! So come my feet, Let's up and flee!

And so I ran Away from there, But right behind Me was that bear!

Ahead of me I see a tree. A great big tree, Oh GLORY BE!

The lowest branch Was 10 feet up. I'd have to jump And trust to luck.

And so I jumped Ito the air But I missed that branch away up there!

Now don't you fret And don't you frown Cause I caught that branch On the way back down!

There is no more. This is the end Unless I meet That bear again.

Every-bo-dy hates me! no bo-dy likes me! think i'm gonna eat some wor-or-ms

first you get your shov-el(act out digging) then you get your bu-cket see how they wiggle and squir-m(make squirming motion with hands) next you bite the heads off see how they wiggle and squir-m down goes the first one(rub stomach) down goes the second one fell how they wiggle and sqirrrrm up! comes the first one up! comes the second one see how they wiggle and sqirrrm

(sung to the tune of the Beatles' "Yesterday")

Leprosy

All my skin is falling off of me

I'm not half the man I used to be

Oh how did I get leprosy?

Syphilis

It all started with a simple kiss

Now it hurts to even take a piss

Oh how did I get syphilis?

A - you’re an arsonist, B - you’re a bellybutton

C - you’re a cantaloupe with arms…

D - you're delirious, E - you’re an elephant

F - you’re a fairy in my arms…

G - you’re a gooly goon, H - you’re a hairy loon

I - you're an ICKY DICKY DOOOO…

J - you’ve got jabby knees, K - Klaustrophobia

L - you’ve got leprosy too…

M-N- you’re a maniac

O - you’re an octopus-puss-puss-puss…

P–Q- particularly queer, R-S-T- responsibility…

U- pick your nose in bed, V-you're a vomit head…

W-X-Y-Z

I like to sing the alphabet with you,

To tell you how you SICKEN ME!!!!

Thanks, R61! The regional variations are interesting.

R62, I remember that song being introduced to my Canadian school via visiting New York boy scouts!

from The Before Times, and not so funny now

glory glory hallelujah teacher hit me with a ruler met her at the door with a loaded 44 and now she's on the floor

Little Rabbit Foo Foo hopping through the forest picking up the field mice an boppin' 'em in the head

and down came the Good Fairy and she said

Little Rabbit Foo Foo I don't wanna see you picking up the field mice and boppin' 'em in the head

I'll give you three chances and if you don't be good I'm gonna turn you into a GOOOOOON

(you can guess how this ends)

three little angels all dressed in white trying to get to heaven on the end of a kite but the kite string broke and down they fell instead of going to heaven they went to-

two little angels all dressed in white trying to get to heaven on the end of a kite but the kite string broke and down they fell instead of going to heaven they went to-

one little angel all dressed in white trying to get to heaven on the end of a kite but the kite string broke and down he fell instead of going to heaven he went to-

three little devils all dressed in red trying to get to heaven on the end of a thread but the thread string broke and down they fell instead of going to heaven...

etc., ending with: instead of going to heaven he went to bed

_________ (insert name of someone you don't like) is a friend of mine He will blow you anytime For a nickle or a dime Fifty cents overtime

If you have a union pass, he will even lick your ass If you have a credit card, he will blow you extra hard... (goes on...forgot the rest)

Glory glory hallelujah

Teacher hit me with the ruler

The ruler turned red

And the teacher dropped dead

And now there's no more school-ya.

We must, we must We must develop a bust The bigger, the better, the tighter the sweater The boys depend on us

The butter came out a grizzle-y-grey.

ristle-tee, rostle-tee, Now, now, now!

The cheese took legs and ran away!

-tee, rostle-tee, hey donny dostle-tee, knickety-knackety, retro-quo-quality, willoby-wallaby, Now, now, now

She let the critter get away.

Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, hey donny dostle-tee, knickety-knackety, retro-quo-quality, willoby-wallaby, Now, now, now

I asked my wife to wash the floor.

Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, Now, now, now

She gave me my hat and she showed me the door

Ristle-tee, rostle-tee, hey donny dostle-tee, knickety-knackety, retro-quo-quality, Now, now, now

Etc.....

Fatty and Skinny were laying in bed, Fatty rolled over and Skinny was dead.

R49 That was PART of a song I recall

The farmer and the maiden

were having an affair

down by the garden gate

They didn't know I was there/

The farmer he was bashful, the maiden she was shy.

When he asked her if he could, this was her reply

"You can do it if you want to!

You'd better do it right!

You'd better not do it like you did the other night!

'Cause if you do, I'm telling you,

You're never gonna do it again!

(I mean the laundry!)

You're never gonna do it again!"

And there was Granny!

Swinging on the outhouse door

Without her nightie

Waiting for the garbage man

Who was a playboy

To take her to the Playboy club

to be a bunny

Baby could you ask for more?

(someone's name) is a friend of mine

He resembles Frankenstein

When he walks around the house

He resembles Mickey Mouse

When he does the Irish jig

He resembles Porky Pig

When he walks across the street

You can smell his stinky feet

When (somebody's name) comes out to play

All the children run away

(you then run away from the person)

Miss Lucy had a steam boat The steamboat had a bell, Miss Lucy went to heaven and the Steamboat went to... Hello operator Please give me number nine And if you disconnect me I will chop off your... Behind the 'fridgerator There was a piece of glass Miss Lucy sat upon it And she cut her little... Ask me no more questions I'll tell you no more lies The boys are in the bathroom Pulling down their... Flies are in the meadow The bees are in the park Miss Lucy and her boyfriend Are kissing in the... Dark is like a movie A movie's like a show A show is like a tv set And that is all I kno

I'm bringing home my baby bumblebee

Won't my ma be so proud of me

I'm bringing home my baby bumblebee, Ow

I'm squishing up my baby bumblebee

Won't my ma be so proud of me

I'm squishing up my baby bumblebee, yuck

I'm wiping up my baby bumblebee

Won't my ma be so proud of me

I'm wiping up my baby bumblebee

Beans beans they're good for your heart

The more you eat, the more you fart

The more you fart, the better you feel

So let's have beans at every meal.

-----

My mother wasn't allowed to say fart in front of her family so she used to sing

Beans, beans the musical fruit

The more you eat, the more you toot

Ha, r81, our local variation was

Hello operator, give me number 9

If you don't connect me I'll kick you in the

Behind the refrigerator was a piece of glass

Lulu fell upon it and cut her little

Ask me no more questions, tell me no more lies

Boys in the bathroom pulling down their

Flies in the elevator shoo, shoo, shoo

Flies in the elevator shoo shoo shoo

Flies in tje elevator shoo shoo shoo

And that's the end of Lulu.

Criss cross, applesauce No more players, if you do I"ll take your shoe and that's the end of Y- O - U

(sung just before the start of a game such as tag, while doing jumping jacks and crossing /uncrossing legs)

If you see Kay,

If you see Kay,

Tell her I said "hi"

99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 98 bottles of beer on the wall, 98 bottles of beer on the wall, 98 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 97 bottles of beer on the wall....(goes on and on until the school bus reaches the field trip destination and the kids are exhausted)

Inka binka a bottle of ink, the cork fell out and you do stink, not because you're dirty, not because you're clean, just because you kissed a boy behind a magazine.

Jingle bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg, the batmobile lost a wheel and Joker got away, Hey!

________(name of girl double-dutch jumping).is an American Beauty She wiggles, she waggles, she does the splits, she wears her miniskirts above her hips,, How many inches abobe her hips?

(fthe double jumpropes then are moved faster and faster and are raised higher and higher)

One inches, two inches, three inches, four inches....

(ropes raised higher and higher until jumper can't jump the ropes)

Mabel Mabel set the table

Don't forget the red hot peppers!

Here Comes the Bride,

Big, fat and wide,

Stepped on a banana peel

And went for a ride!

Hickory Dickory Dock

Some chick was sucking my cock

The clock struck two

I shot her my goo

And dropped the bitch off the next block

Little Miss Muffet

Sat on her tuffet

Eating her curds and whey

Along came a spider

Who sat down beside her

And said "What's in the bowl, bitch?"

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe

Had so many children

Her uterus fell out

fat and skinny had a race

up and down the pillowcase

fatty said he didn't care

'cause he had no underwear

milk milk (touch your left nipple then your right nipple)

lemonade (point to your pee pee)

round the corner

fudge is made

Fat and Skinny went to bed

Fat rolled over and Skinny was dead.

Fat called the doctor and the doctor said:

"Get up, Fred! You ain't dead! All you need is a piece of cornbread!"

Horsey horsey on your way

We've been together for many a day

So let your tail go swishing and your wheels go 'round

Giddy up, we're homeward bound!

Apple on a stick

Make me sick

Make my heart go 246

Not because it's dirty

Not because it's clean

Just because I kissed a boy upon a magazine.

Girls, girls come out tonight!

Here comes [fill in the blank] with her girdle on tight.

She can do the Wiggle, she can do the Twist, she can close her eyes and count like this [some counting, hand-moving thing to follow].

Here comes the bride

All dressed in pink

Open the window

And let out the stink!

You're a motherfucking, tittysucking blue-ball bitch

Your mother's in the kitchen cooking red-hot shit

Your daddy's in the backyard with a red-hot bitch

Your brother's in jail, rotting to hell,

Your sister's round the corner yelling "Pussy for sale!"

Thank god my childhood was nothing like R102's childhood.

Just a boy and a girl in a little canoe

And the moon is shining all around

As they dipped their paddles they didn't even make a sound

Well they talked and they talked till the moon went in

And he said you better kiss me or get out and swim

So you know what to do in a little canoe

When the moon is shining all a,

The moon is shining all a,

The moon is shining all around

Get out and swim!

What the heck stay and neck for an hour or two

Or three or four or maybe even more.

There be some Girl Scouts up in here!

Some of these are just pitiful.

*BUUUURPP*

pardon me for being so rude it was not me it was my food it just popped up to say hello now its gone back down below.

Diarrhea, diarrhea

You may think it's funny but it's really wet and runny

Diarrhea, diarrhea

No pain, no strain, just sit and let it drain

Diarrhea!

R100, my sister sang the same song, different version. My religious aunt heard her and said, "I don't want you teaching that to my kids!"

"Apple on a stick, that makes me sick

Makes my tummy go 246

Not because I'm dirty, not because I'm clean

Not because I kissed a boy behind a magazine

Hey, boy! Wanna pick a fight?

Here comes your mama with her pants on tight

She can wibble, she can wobble, she can do the splits

But best of all, she can kiss, kiss, KISS!"

I guess ours must have been the ghetto version.

Catalina Magdalena

Hoopesteiner Wallendiner

Ooga Booga Booga was her name!

They come in all sizes and colors

Some are red, some are green, some are black

Some hang out in the front of your nose

While the others retreat to the back

I'm talkin' 'bout boogers! (Yeah!) Boogers! (Yeah!)

You can eat every one that you pick

Just as long as it don't make you sick!

Lol R109, well we lived in predominately black neighborhood (red-lined), even though it was filled with middle-class professionals. This was in the 1960s.

I thought the "246" was supposed to be about high blood pressure; but we have "heart" where you have "tummy," so that doesn't make sense in your version.

I know at 6 or so I had no idea what I was singing, but it would be interesting to find out what the song was supposed to be about.

My Mama don't wear no drawers - ah ding dong!

I saw her take them off.

She threw them up in the sky

Superman refuse to fly!

My Mama don't wear no drawers - ah ding dong!

I saw her take them off.

She threw them up in a tree

Dang dogs refuse to pee!

We 3 Drunks from Omaha are,

Spending New Years Eve in a car,

Driving, drinking, glasses clinking,

Who needs a lousy bar?

Oh Oh Oh

Drink to Charlie,

Drink to Fred,

Drink to those two trucks ahead.

Driving , drinking , glasses clinking,

Drink till we're all dead.

When you're sliding into first

And you feel-a something burst -

Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

When you're sliding into third

And you lay a juicy turd -

Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

When you're sliding into home

And your shorts are full of foam -

Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

When you're sliding into first

And you're feeling something burst

Diarrhea, diarrhea

When you're sliding into third

And you lay a juicy turd

Diarrhea, diarrhea

When you're sliding into home

And your shorts are full of foam

Diarrhea, diarrhea

When you're sitting in your Chevy

And shorts are feeling heavy

Diarrhea, diarrhea

Does anyone remember one about constipation? It went something like -

Constipation is the situation

Constipation is the (... ... ...)

(something something something something)

Then you gotta let it out

Open wide

Let it slide

Ahhhhhh!

I see your hiney

All black and shiny

You better hide it

Before I bite it!

(White kids had to say 'pink and shiny')

Frankie, where are you going?

Upstairs, to take a bath

Frankie had legs like toothpicks, and a neck like a giraffe

Frankie stepped out of the bath tub

Pull-ing out the plug

Oh my goodness oh my soul!

There goes Frankie down the hole

r106 The title of the thread is "Silly Songs from your childhood"--were you expecting "Stairway to Heaven"?

Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer (reindeer)

Had a very shiny nose (like a lightbulb!)

And if you ever saw it (saw it)

You would even say it glows (like a light bulb!)

All of the other reindeer (reindeer)

Used to laugh and call him names (Hey, Schnozz!)

They never let poor Rudolph (Rudolph)

Join in any reindeer games (like Monopoly)

Then one foggy Christmas eve,

Santa came to say (Ho-ho-ho)

Rudolph with your nose so bright,

Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?

Then all the reindeer loved him (loved him)

And they shouted out with..

(Rah, rah, sis-boom-bah, yeeaaaaah, Rudolph!)

Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer (reindeer)

You'll go down in history (like George Washington!)

I was walking through the jungle,

what did I see?

A goddamn monkey tried to piss on me!

I picked up a rock, and threw it at his cock,

and the god damn monkey did a belly flop!

How dry I am, how wet I'll be, if I don't find the bathroom key. I found the key, I opened the door, opps, too late, it's on the floor.

(sung to the tune of sone deoderant commercial of the 70's "how dry I am")

Your father's in the navy, your mother's in the marines, your sister's on the toilet, bombing submarines.

Pardon me, pardon me, from the bottom of my heart, If it came out the other end, it would've been a fart

(standard saying after a burp)

Engine, engine number 9, running down the Chicago line, if your train falls off the track, do you want your money back?

(hand clapping song..fond memory)

Ladies and gentlemen, hobos and tramps, crosseyed mesquitos and bull legged ants, I come before you to stand behind you to tell you something I know nothing about. Admission is free, pay at the door, pull up a chair and sit on the floor

One dark night in the middle of the day, two dead boys came out to play. Back to back, they faced each other, pulled out swords and shot each other. Two deaf policemen heard the noise and came to the aid of the two dead boys. If you don't believe this lie is true, ask the blindman, he saw it too.

I'm being swallowed by a boa constrictor

I'm being swallowed by a boa constrictor

I'm being swallowed by a boa constrictor

And I don't like it at all!

Oh no [oh no], he swallowed my toe [he swallowed my toe]

Oh gee [oh gee], he's up to my knee [he's up to my knee]

Oh fiddle [oh fiddle], he swallowed my middle [he swallowed my middle]

Oh heck [oh heck], he's up to my neck [he's up to my neck]

Oh dread [oh dread], he swallowed my SCHLUUUURRRRRRP!

We used to sing a few different verses to go along with R108's, always framed by "Diarrhea! [pbbt! pbbt!] Diarrhea! [pbbt! pbbt!]" ("pbbt" being a gross squirting sound)

Some people think it's funny, but it's really wet and runny!

When you're driving in your Chevy, and your pants are gettin' heavy!

Some people think it's gross, but I like it on my toast!

The version I remember R82 is:

I'm bringing home a baby banana slug

Won't my mommy be so proud of me

I'm bringing home a baby banana slug

Oops I squished it by mistake!

Oh give me a home

Where the buffalo roam

And I'll show you a house full of shit

Mon paire, pecaire / Aviá qu'una dent / E mai trantolava quand fasiá de vent / La la la la….

Ma maire, pecaire / Aviá qu'una dent / E mai trantolava quand fasiá de vent / La la la la...

Mon fraire, pecaire / Aviá qu'una dent / E mai trantolava quand fasiá de vent / La la la la...

Mon paire, ma maire, mon fraire/ Avián qu'una dent / E dins la familha / Fasiá que tres dents / La la la.

I learned "Greasy Grimy Gopher Guts" like this ...

Great big gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts

Pasteurated monkey feet

Chopped-up baby parakeet

Great big eyeballs rollin' down Main Street ...

That's what [insert name] is made of!

There goes [name] floatin' the Delaware

Chewin' on his underwear

Waitin' for another pair

Ten days later, eaten by a polar bear

The polar bear died of ra-bies!

When you're going down the slide

and your balls collide,

It's a rupture!

When you're walking down the hall

and your balls hit the wall,

It's a rupture!

Oh She ripped and she snored till she fell on the floor

The wind from her butt blew the cat out the door

The sun shone bright on the nipple of her titty

And she brushed her teeth in blackbird shitty

Sung by the ragged-ass, duet

My version of the Suffocation song dates from the mid-60's.

Suffocation, Remco suffocation.

Suffocation, the game we love to play.

First you take a plastic bag, then you take a rubber band.

Over you're head! Now you're dead!

WHEEEEEEE!

I like this version of R134's ditty, from Fannie Flagg's [italic]Daisy Fay and the Miracle Man:[/italic]

Oh, she pooted and she farted and she shit on the floor

She wiped her ass on the knob of the door

The moon shone bright on the nipple of her tit

She brushed her teeth with blueberry shit

Peekin' through the keyhole to see what she could see

Squattin' on the floor on her bended knee

Her dress was up and her panties were down

She's got the cutest ass we've seen around

Sung by the Whorehouse Quartette!

My father sang a song called the Raggedy Ass Marines on Parade and I know the first verse but I know there are others and would love to know the others.

.... but I brought my strawwww

Shake your love, i just can't shake your love

Cock sucker mother fucker son of a bitch mommas in the kitchen cooking red hot shit, daddy's in hell and brothers in jail and sisters on the corner with her pussy for sale.

Three people walking together.... Person on right: hey left ball! Person on the left: hey right ball! Together: look who's in the middle!

"Hated this one!"

Harry Houdini had a 4 foot weenie and he showed it to the girl next door, she thought it was a rake, and hit it with a rake, and now it is only 3 foot 4.

Miss Suzie had a steamboat the steamboat had a bell. Miss Susie went to heaven the steamboat went to

Hello operator, give me number nine and if you disconnect me I’ll kick you in the

Behind the ’fridgerator, there was a piece of glass, and if you go behind there you will cut your little

Ask me no more questions, Tell me no more lies. The boys are in the bathroom, zipping up their

Flies are in the city bees are in the park. The boys and girls are kissing in the

D-A-R-K D-A-R-K D-A-R-K dark, dark, dark.

Asshole.

Asshole.

A soldier went to war.

Fuck you.

Fuck you.

For curiosity.

To piss.

To piss.

Two pistols at his side.

My cunt.

My cunt.

My country 'tis of thee!

Here's a few I sang while growing up in Staten Island, NY in the 1980's:

We're going to Kentucky We're going to the fair To see the Senorita With flowers in her hair Oh...shake it , shake it , shake it Shake it all you can Shake it like a milkshake And do the best you can Oh...rumble to the bottom Rumble to the top And turn around and turn around Until you make a stop S-T-O-P speeeelllls STOP!

Miss Mary Mack Mack Mack All dressed in black black black With silver buttons buttons buttons All down her back back back She asked her mother mother mother For fifty cents cents cents To see the boys boys boys Pull down their pants pants pants They jumped so high high high They reached the sky sky sky They never came back back back Till the Fourth of July July July Goodbye!

Baby Baby Stick your head in gravy Wash it out with bubble gum And send it to the navy

Comet...it makes your mouth turn green Comet...it tastes like Listerine Comet...it makes you vomit So drink some comet, and vomit...today!

I went to a Chinese restaurant To buy a loaf of bread bread bread He wrapped it up in tin foil And this is what he said said said My name is L I, L I Picc-a-lie Picc-a-lie (Spelling??) Pom pom beauty Seven shots of whiskey Chinese, Japanese, Indian CHIEF!

Lisa & Jimmy sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G First comes love Then comes marriage Then comes Lisa in a baby carriage Sucking her thumb Peeing in her pants Doing the hula hula dance

Beans beans, they're good for your heart The more you eat, the more you fart The more you fart, the better you feel So eat beans in every meal!

That's all I can recall for now!!

Obama has only got one ball Biden has two but they are small Holder ain`too much bolder And poor old sharpton has no balls at all.

Sung to "Col. Bogey March" aka "Bridge on the River Kwai theme song.

There was a song by the Bangles that one of us thought was saying "Pissyloot, on a broom..." So we naturally made up other lyrics to follow that. The next line was "like a woman in a bad cartoon" but I don't remember anything after that.

R144 I was lying on the couch last night in a post-weekend daze and all of a sudden that one popped into my head. I googled it to see if it actually existed the way I remembered and voila! This DL thread popped up on p2.

Of course there's a thread on this. It's why I love the DL!

Vacation Bible School tune:

T-O-B-A-C-C-O

Long green worms upon it grow

Stains up your fingers, smells up your clothes

Makes a stovepipe out of your nose

Shall we use it? No! no! no!

Broke his legs and all his whiskers.. meow, meow, meow...

And his little solar plexes... meow, meow, meow...

Its the end my friend Don Gato