People who only get in touch when they want something

prefer it IF they

OP, IGNORE them.

Who’s “we”? OP and Mother?

Oh for crissakes grow a pair, OP. This isn't complicated.

I kind of hope this is an EST because several things don't pass the smell test. Including your confusion about how to respond.

Respond with:

"I won't be able to do that for you."

"Sorry, can't do it. You'll have to ask someone else."

"Absolutely not."

"That's not gonna happen."

Why should this even be of a moment's concern, OP? Ignore them entirely, as they've ignored you. They're users.

“No. Was that the whole reason you called?”

Thanks, r5 and r6. Do you think these people just ask everyone they know? R2, we (a couple) are ignoring them. But this seems to be a new thing?

A colleague recently suffered a terrible loss, however rang up the day of the death and demanded texts and cards not contain certain words and phrases usually found in expressions of sympathy. They also stipulated deliveries of a particular, rare flower which they gave me the wrong name for.

We're just not used to people being so overtly transactional.

People are users and they only call someone whom they think won't say no. Keep saying yes and they'll keep calling. I learned that the hard way. I felt like the bad guy saying no and people like that can sense it.

Once I started saying no they magically disappeared.

Thanks, r9. It is hard to think of these people as users because of our previous bonds, but they certainly aren't people I think well of any longer and it is embarrassing to tell my partner that a text or call I received was really just someone wanting something. Users can be very cunning.

For context, the city we live in is really just an oversized small town. It's nothing like a major US or European city.

R4, nobody would make this shit up. I'm facing my own challenges, not sending out mass texts asking for things.

This happens to me a lot, unfortunately. I usually just flat out say no and if that doesn’t work then I make up some story about how I’m dealing with a family crisis…or that I have to wash my hair that day.

"No. I'm not in any position to be doling out money".

They get it.

Why r12? Do you just let deadbeats ben you over? I am amazed people let themselves get used like a piece of dog shit.

R14 I wish I knew. I’m a friendly person so I guess some people interpret friendliness/niceness = doormat. I’m not a doormat anymore but I guess I still give off that nice vibe.

Random people I barely know also open up to me and tell me all their problems, like I’m their personal therapist. I wish that would stop. I usually just ghost people once they do that to me.

R15 people used to do that to me also. People I just met telling me they were molested when they were a child, or how bad their marriage was, etc...

It stopped when I would change the subject: "Oh, that's awful! Nice weather we've been having, isn't it?"

"Aw, that's too bad. I'm dying to see that new movie that came out. Have you seen it?"

Once you change the subject, they'll go away. I read this book about psychic vampires and how to get rid of them and the #1 thing they look for is sympathy. If you don't give them any they'll find somebody else and they'll leave you alone.

R16, thanks. I’ve done that before and it does work. I feel bad pushing these people away but pouring your heart out to a stranger is a major sign of a lack of boundaries.

These types of people usually end up becoming super clingy and expect you to be available to them 24/7 and when they realize that you have a life of your own they get really angry. Been there, done that.

respond with "LOL"

R17 yep I've been there too. Those types of people will suck the life force right out of you. Over the years I've learned to cut them out of my life just for my own mental health.

Respond with “ I actually was going to reach out to you today about borrowing some money, how strange!!!”

Then again OP, is it you? We only get half a storey and we all know how that goes.

A bunch of cousins we hadn't seen in decades showed up for my mother's funeral. My father had died about 15 years earlier. We weren't wealthy but were among the most comfortable - four properties to liquidate, divided by 5 kids, 5 grandchildren.

I was only bothered by one cousin who wanted a partner in his "safe" extermination business. I offered a loan and he paid it back in 4 years. Now his daughter is involved in the business.

But my older brother and sister were harassed for years. As the eldest two, close in age, and separated by almost a decade from we younger three, they were named executors of the estate. No problem. Honest and fair siblings. But somehow other extended family members found out and barraged them with business propositions and loan requests.

There really wasn't all that much once it was divvied up.

"No" is a complete sentence.