I wish I was Jewish

Funny. You should feel like a bigoted idiot.

You could marry in

Really, just focus on the Irish part.

idk

I wish I WERE Jewish. Subjunctive case, contrary to fact.

THANK you .^^

You can always convert. It's not easy, but it is possible.

I am not religious, so I have no inkling to join a religious group.

Thank you, R5. I was just about to post the same thing and remark that I had given the OP a F&F for incorrectly using the subjunctive.

I wish I WERE.

Sweetie, it's a choice.

I drink like an Irish person.

R10 meet R5

You can get similar, even better, results if you work for a cruise ship company. You actually make friends - not just share a faith - with people from every corner of the world. And should you actually visit said corners (very likely since, well, you’re cruising!) you’ll have people and places to hang out and stay with. Airlines don’t produce the same results, as they tend to hire just one or two nationalities.

Jews can always get a high paying job in Hollywood!

I'm actually kind of Jew-ish

R16 I think that would be Jewy, not Jewish.

One can always convert. Do you know much about the faith, OP? Do you understand the history of the Jewish faith, or any of the cornerstones of what Jews believe and live by?

If you don't and your answer is "I want to feel part of a culture" then you're probably not an ideal candidate for conversion.

Religious faith, what remains of it in this world, isn't a social club. You can certainly make friends or find a deep sense of culture or roots there, but it's not the primary reason for such a place to exist. Either you believe in a particular creed or, if you are, say, a Unitarian, you believe in a shared view of how people should treat each other in the world.

OP, do you think when Jews meet random Jews somewhere, they’re automatically friends?

I was raised Catholic, OP. And I stuck with it (pretty much) through high school. Then I decided to convert to atheism. I t was quite easy. So I'm sure you could convert as well. (BTW, are you circumcised? That's kind of a Jewish necessity. If not, I hope you're a bottom.)

R20 how do you convert to atheism?

R21 The atheist initiation you'll have to go through....

R21: You accept the fact, despite the 18+ years of indoctrination, that there is no "higher being." You begin to analyze all of the faith stuff you were fed an realize it was just myth. You get to a point where you question everything you were told about "god" and realize that "there's no there there." And so you come to the realization that not believing in a god is just fine.

That's what I meant by "conversion." It was the opposite of everything I was taught, that I was taught to believe, and what my entire family continues to believe.

They're always fasting. I could never. And while I may appear to type fat, I'm actually not.

"You can always convert."

Do other Jews look down on you, like you're just a wannabe- not the real thing?

Absolutely not. I don't practice the religion with which I was raised. I would never start practicing another religion. No interest.

And never ever would I give up my foreskin. NO! Get away from me.

Atheists are such ungrateful fools and more likely to reincarnate as human soon after death since they missed so many lessons.

R23 none of this is factual

yup r25, like the No True Scotsman argument.

Jewish guys are hot

Jews are conservative on hetero issues and publicly liberal, but bigoted against gay people privately and not-so-privately.

um, really, all that, r32, all jews are conservative who pretty much never vote Republican? Are you sure you're not lying about things for weird and stupid reasons of your own? Really?

However, out of love, and drunkeness, I will give you Patrick Swayze.

Oh look! Another thread full of bigoted cunts spewing stupidity and ignorance about Jews.

R33 typing 'um' voids everything

Yet another crypto-racist thread on DL.

Maybe check out some pro-gay or LGBT meet and greets at temple this weekend...

OP, here's my 2 cents:

To answer your latest question, Jews wouldn't look down on you perse, but you will not be considered a "true Jew" because your mother (I'm assuming) is not Jewish. Judaism is matriarchal religion, and it is believed that Jewishness is passed down from your mother. I'm certain that there some high brow Jewish cunts out there who WOULD look down on you, but there are cunts of every class and creed anyway, so I wouldn't worry about it.

I have spent a lot of time with Jews over the course of my life. I should probably say that I am not Jewish, even though I have a lot of respect for the Jewish people. Here's what I've gathered over the years:

First off, Jews value education VERY highly. There are some ancient scriptures in the Torah that strictly forbid fathers to marry their daughters to uneducated men. Second, if there's anything that Jews value more than education, it's family. Jews are extremely family-orientated, but unlike Asian tiger mothers, they invest in their children's interests. Third, they marry within their religion. This helps to affirm their shared values as a Jewish race which strengthens their racial and cultural heritage. Fourth, they help each other. They don't tear each other down like other races do, but build each other up. Jews want to see each other succeed.

These are some of the reasons why Jews have one of the highest IQ's in the world. Their vested interests in family, education, religion, culture, and communal values pays off in dividends. Races with historically lower IQ's do the opposite: they shrug off education, have dysfunction family systems, marry outside their race which creates clashing values that further subdivides their family systems, and they mock each other and tear down anyone in their race wants to come up. I say if they're at the top of most professions, they must be doing something right.

Now, if you want to be a convert, you gotta take the good with the bad, which includes virulent global antisemitism from both the far right AND the far left, nonstop conspiracy theories, the threat of getting beat up or worse in a locality with high amounts of your historic enemies (Neo Nazis and Muslims), and the religious stigma of an angry god who cursed your people 10,000 years ago.

FYI: the reason why Jews run the banking system is because Jews were historically not allowed by law to obtain any other form of employment other than banking for centuries while they lived in Europe. They weren't even allowed to be peasants!! So, naturally, they got really, really good at banking.

Still want to be a Jew?

OP, Jews, like everyone else, are not a group of people who are like a herd of cloned sheep. There is a lot of diversity among people born or converted into the faith.

I have known, worked with, and been friends and lovers with many Jewish men and women (not lovers with the women). You don't have to be Jewish to be part of the club. I've been to weddings and bar mitzvah, funerals and graduations, have a Jewish in-law and nieces and nephews. I am very fond of my close Jewish friends, have always felt welcomed by their families and friends, but have also known a few Jewish assholes.

If you want community, you build one by being open to people and experiences. Get out there and find your people, OP. They may end up being Jewish but love and friendship can be found anywhere.

[quote] FYI: the reason why Jews run the banking system is because Jews were historically not allowed by law to obtain any other form of employment other than banking for centuries while they lived in Europe. They weren't even allowed to be peasants!! So, naturally, they got really, really good at banking. [/quote]

I think it was because the Catholic church considered "usury" a sin (charging interest if you loan someone money.) So that left the field open for Jewish people. (weren't they also often jewellers? not sure if there's a religious reason for that)

Oh and people start to hate you when they owe you money - and they see you coming when it's due, they know you'll want your payment. Didn't set them up to be terribly well-liked by the deadbeat borrowing lot.

R41 actually, diamonds do have religious import for the Jews, as do sapphires-they're considered to be divine gifts from God with spiritual significance. Jewels are mentioned many times in the the 5 Books of Moses and even the Christian Bible. It was considered to be a religious responsibility for Jewish rabbis to wear jewels in the synagogue. That's why the Christians talk so much shit about the Pharisees in the Bible, who believed that the Son of God would come in silken robes and a diamond-encrusted crown.

The diamond trade in particular was one of the few occupations left to the Jews other than banking because gems are easy to carry, easy to clean, easy to pack up when you need to leave, and easy to hold onto your wealth when you have to escape persecution-again.

I changed my name to Yentl and speak fluent Yiddish. That’s my conversion.

Deaf people have this too, and their own secret language to boot.

R32 nonsense! There are conservatives and liberals of every stripe everywhere, but Jews have actually made great strides in LGBTQ inclusion. They may not be anywhere near an atheistic liberal democrat's views on homosexuality, but they have made more of an effort in their attempts at acceptance than any other major religion I have ever seen.

R46 you're aware of the term faguleh?

OP, I’ll persecute you. If that’s what you’re going for.

R46 atheistic meaning narcissistic

R47 you are going to find intolerant conservatives wherever you go, even (gasp!) nonreligious ones. You are also going to find tolerant liberals who try to bridge the divide. From my personal experience, Jews have been the most tolerant of the major religions. I didn't say that they were Tolerant with capital T, but in comparison to Muslims and Christians, they are MORE tolerant than most religions. One of the reasons why I have felt included by them.

[quote] R39: FYI: the reason why Jews run the banking system is because Jews were historically not allowed by law to obtain any other form of employment other than banking for centuries while they lived in Europe. They weren't even allowed to be peasants!! So, naturally, they got really, really good at banking.

Not accurate. Christians were prohibited from being money lenders. Not just at usurious rates, but any rates. As a result, money lending was an occupation open to Jews. That’s how the Rothschilds got started.

OP is Trump. He wishes he was Jewish so he can get in Ivanka's pants.

I admire the accomplishments that Jews have made to the arts, medicine, science, etc. Jews tend to be very bright and funny. This all the more impressive when you factor in the fact that they have been discriminated against for so long. As a people, they should be very proud.

I don't find comfort in religions and their odd rituals. So I would make a very bad Jew. And I'd be ordering Chinese shrimp and spare ribs every Sunday. I feel the same way about Christianity. I fully embrace all the pagan traditions of Christian holidays, but not so much the other stuff. Also there is no way in hell that I would allow myself to be circumcised.

Ask your open minded Jewish friends if they are open minded enough to prefer to raise a gay son instead of the ideal one heterosexual boy and one heterosexual girl.

R54 it really depends on their dedication to their religion and, conversely, their politics. Are they unorthodox liberal Jews? Or conservative orthodox?

Conservative orthodox would behead gay people if they could.

Just in case you think the Jews have always been kind to gay people:

Not only do I wish I was Jewish, I wish I were an American Ashkenazi Jew, because they have the highest IQs.

OP, it's okay to admit all this is because you're enslaved to circumcised dick.

Why the hell would you want to be a Jew? Why would that even cross your mind?

Most religions don't have their own anti-gay slang.

Did a double-take because I could have written r40.

I have a Jewish-sounding German last name and live in Manhattan. I have had quite a few Jewish people ask questions (or just ask outright) that are obviously trying to discern my Jewishness. It’s quite funny to watch them try to figure it out (I’m blonde/blue).

If you're "Irish/Scot/German" you're probably just American. So am I. So are a lot of Jews. You're not stateless, even though the state sucks at the moment.

I would want to be Jewish and Christian to cover all the bases.

R39 = Brought to you by the marketing and propaganda department of Jewish religion. And almost completely false and opposite of facts.

People would ask if I was Jewish in High School because I dressed nice. LOL

Or maybe it was the gold chain but hey, it was the style of the time.

People thought I was Jewish because of my big schnozz. Also "French." Maybe I just seemed like an arty weirdo too.

That's what happens in small towns.

[quote]FYI: the reason why Jews run the banking system is because Jews were historically not allowed by law to obtain any other form of employment other than banking for centuries while they lived in Europe. They weren't even allowed to be peasants!! So, naturally, they got really, really good at banking.

Wrong. There was a time when people borrowed money and didn't expect to profit from that, imagine that! Profiting off of someones need would be considered greedy and therefore a sin in the Christian teachings. Jews didn't care about that and were called the Money Changers sort of like early loan sharks. Jesus and his disciples traveled to Jerusalem for Passover, where Jesus expels the merchants and money changers from the Temple, accusing them of turning the Temple into "a den of thieves" through their commercial activities. They conspired to take him down, complained to the Romans he was a false god and he was put to death by being crucified on a wooden cross which was common on those days.

That is why people say Jews only care about money. And also why they claim Jesus never really existed, It looks bad. Doing the same thing as holocaust deniers.

[quote]Jews are conservative on hetero issues and publicly liberal, but bigoted against gay people privately and not-so-privately.

R32, what on earth does this mean?

The majority of American Jews are Democrats. And the majority of Jews in the U.S. tend to be very liberal on social issues, particularly issues like gay marriage.

The polling shows that Jews are one of the most pro-gay groups in America. The Pew poll a few years ago showed Jews have one of the highest rates of support for gay marriage.

See article below:

[quote]First off, Jews value education VERY highly.

True.

[quote]Jews are extremely family-orientated

So is true Catholicism, if not more so.

[quote]Fourth, they help each other.

Almost all major religions do that.

[quote]Jews have one of the highest IQ's in the world

False. – True intelligence is a genetic trait, not a religious one. IQ is not a test of intelligence it’s been debunked as too simplistic relying on what you learned is school or environment vs actual intelligence.

[quote]Now, if you want to be a convert, you gotta take the good with the bad,

True but Muslims have it much worse in the US than Jews.

[quote]They weren't even allowed to be peasants!! So, naturally, they got really, really good at banking.

LOL who came up with that theory? The first Ghetto in the world was started in Venice Italy, and guess what, it was only for the Jews. Again, because profiting from people needing money was still considered dirty and a sin but since Venice was the center of trade at the time, they let the Jews stay on one small island as a sort of necessary evil. The Money Changers.

[quote]The polling shows that Jews are one of the most pro-gay groups in America.

In the US, true although one of the most homophobic person I knew was the brother of a Jewish friend I had. I mean really homophobic. He refused to come to a thanksgiving dinner if homosexuals were there, based on his Jewish religious belief. And no he was not a closet gay. Ironically, his son grew up later as a flaming queen! Poetic Justice.

Opposite is true with Israel. Yes, I know they have a big gay pride, but Israel still does not recognize gay marriage. And the country is swinging more conservative not liberal. Come on, even Italy with the Vatican in the heart of the country now recognizes gay marriage and you can get a civil union with all the same rights. Including allowing your other half to become an Italian citizen through marriage.

No, then I wouldn't have most of the guys worshiping my intact penis, and the other pathetic 1% hating and calling it a disgusting stank sleeve.

Are you Jewish by association if you're bad at sports and have an overbearing mother?

Anti semitism is alive and well.

Jealous of [italic]that[/italic], r72?

"Faygeleh" (literally, "little bird") is Yiddish and a word people my great-grandparents generation would have used.

But Yiddish is the language spoken by Polish and Russian Jews in The Old Country (and Hasids today) and has nothing to do with religion

German, Hungarian, Sephardic and Mizrachi (Middle Eastern) Jews do not speak Yiddish and Israelis in particular mock the Hasids for speaking it.

In terms of a "club" OP, there's Orthodox World™ and JAP World™ and those two groups can feel like a club-- just google "Jewish Geography"

But for everyone else it's more like you being Scots Irish. Just another piece of your identity.

It's interesting that there are Jews in some countries that have taken on the appearance of the ethnic majority. For example, there are Chinese Jews. I had a friend in school from a Mexican Jewish family. For all intents and purposes Jewish, but could also pass for Mexican. They descended from the Sephardic Jews of Spain who were in Mexico as early as 1519.

The Kaifeng Jews still exist in China and date to the 10th century. Sadly, they, and other minority religions, are being persecuted.

Because Jews are a minority, on numbers alone, there are much more Catholic and Christian families that are accepting of their gay kids.

Democrat doesn't mean pro-gay

Not all people in this thread hate Jews. I always admired their culture and really did wish I was Jewish as a kid.

I'm glad I was born Jewish if only because it made me curious about other countries, languages, and cultures.

I'd like a big fat Jewish cock. If the only way is to convert, so be it.

This goy read Leon Uris' Exodus when he was 12. I wanted so bad to be jewish and move to a kibbutz. I went to the Akron department store in East Hollywood and bought a record on Israeli folk songs. For about a week I called my protestant minister father "Abba." Go figure.

Your Mexican friend was an anomaly R78

Most Mexican Jews are Ashkenazi, similar to Americans

The Inquisition operated in Mexico and so few Jews of that era survived and that did usually intermarried or converted.

[quote]Anti semitism is alive and well.

When someone criticizes you for anything you do wrong is your fist thought antisemitism? Then yes, you might be Jewish.

Do you like calling non Jews Goy? Then you might be a racist Jew.

[quote] But Yiddish is the language spoken by Polish and Russian Jews in The Old Country (and Hasids today) and has nothing to do with religion, German, Hungarian, Sephardic and Mizrachi (Middle Eastern) Jews do not speak Yiddish and Israelis in particular mock the Hasids for speaking it.

That cant be true. Every Bar mitzvah and Bat mitzvah and Jewish wedding I have ever been to in the US all love reading excepts from the Torah in Yiddish. Some spend months practicing it. You don't see Catholics reading in Italian. or Latin.

[quote]The Kaifeng Jews still exist in China

Than makes Chinese take out on Christmas quite convent.

[quote]When someone criticizes you for anything you do wrong is your fist thought antisemitism?

When a bunch of ignorant scum post stereotypes, stupidity and slander repeated for the last 1,700 years, it's Jew hatred.

Oh, I wish I were an Oscar (meyer) weiner. . . . .

[quote]I'm glad I was born Jewish if only because it made me curious about other countries, languages, and cultures.

HU? That's some weird rationalization for religions. So no Jews are not interested in other cultures? Apparently you haven't learned as much about other people as you think.

[quote]hen a bunch of ignorant scum post stereotypes, stupidity and slander repeated for the last 1,700 years, it's Jew hatred.

When you cant take a joke that even hits at being Jewish, you might be a Jew.

[quote]Jewish guys are hot

You don't get out much, do you? If you met the Jews I work with, you'd know that MANY of them are not hot at all. Pasty white, nebbishy, talk very fast and with a high-pitched voice...blech.

Here is an old Joke by our old friend Joan Rivers:

How do you make a Jewish American Princess scream? You fuck her up the ass and wipe your dick on her drapes! Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!

[quote]When you cant take a joke that even hits at being Jewish, you might be a Jew.

R92 No doubt you ARE Jew-hating scum. See your posts and all the other fuckwits on this thread for examples.

r87 I'm not Jewish, but I'm quite certain you're wrong. The Torah readings are always in Hebrew, in every denomination of Judaism I'm aware of (Orthodox, Conservative, and Reform). (That's more or less a sacred requirement of Judaism - Hebrew is considered a sacred language). Yiddish is not Hebrew. Yiddish is a German dialect, spoken by Jews who lived in Germany in the middle ages and were "evicted" in the 17th century and forced to move to western Russia, eastern Poland. Ashkenaz is the Hebrew word for Germany, and these northern European Jews are called Ashkenazim. "The Pale of Settlement" is the area where the majority of Ashkenazim lived before the great migrations to the US and of course the Holocaust. (Picture Anatevya and Fiddler on the Roof). Yiddish is written using Hebrew letters, but it is able to be understood (with a little effort) by German speakers, other than the words borrowed directly from Hebrew.

R93 is correct. Some Jewish guys are hot, but you can find that in any group. Most of the ones I have ever worked with are shlubby, overweight, sloppy dressers easily mistaken for the IT guy who still lives at home or the Stapler guy from Office Space. One guy I know has never had a professional haircut, he brags about how its a waste of money. He still uses a Flowbee his parents bought back in the 80's and he is now 30 something!

I have had more than my share of Jewish men, particularly during the years I lived in NYC. I find them very attractive, although like all Mediterranean peoples, they don't age well (lose most of their hair, get paunchy, start sprouting hair on their backs, etc). Like Italians, they are hard to beat in the looks department in their teens and 20s. I love the lively minds and great sense of humor that many are endowed with. I'm linking some pics of Jewish male actors.

[quote] Like Italians, they are hard to beat in the looks department

NOT EVEN CLOSE! Italian men are worshiped the world over, many of the best looking models are Italian men. You see lots of people who wish they were Italian, its very rare in fact only here in the DL that anyone says they wish they were Jewish in the looks department.

David Schwimmer? Really? That's your idea of good looking? LOL.

Um... To non-orthodox Jews like Adam Sandler and Mel Brooks, sure! I greatly envy any family or culture that's full or life and love.

Those ultra religious weirdo ones? Hell no, because no extremely religious sect is ever awesome and that includes a bunch of monks on a remote mountaintop taking a vow of silence. Gets boring.

The thing to be in Hollywood if you’re in front of the camera is HALF-jewish. That way you’re in the tribe but you don’t look too jewish.

Alison Brie

Harrison Ford

Scarlett Johansson

Lena Dunham

Gwyneth Paltrow

Michael Douglas

Goldie Hawn

Countless others

[quote] Every Bar mitzvah and Bat mitzvah and Jewish wedding I have ever been to in the US all love reading excepts from the Torah in Yiddish.

No.

Not even close.

Menluvinguy at R96 gave a very good description of the origins of Yiddish and why it's different than Hebrew.

I'll only add that Yiddish is German with some Hebrew thrown in (versus Hebrew with some German thrown in) to the point where German friends say they can easily make out the gist of what the Hasids at B&H Camera are talking about.

[quote] False. – True intelligence is a genetic trait, not a religious one. IQ is not a test of intelligence it’s been debunked as too simplistic relying on what you learned is school or environment vs actual intelligence.

Yeah, but being Jewish is a genetic trait.

23andme can tell you what percentage Ashkenazi you are (if you are). There are markers in Sephardic and Mizrahi that show they ARE related to Ashkenazi Jews.

You can call it just a religion, but these folks have been inter-marrying for thousands of years and they are, in the genetic sense, a people.

Also, Jewish lesbians are very, very nutso.

Me again, R103.

I just wanted to say that you can take Yiddish classes and go to Yiddish programming (if you are interested). It's not just a language for Hasids. (And, in fact, they will not speak Yiddish with outsiders--even non-Orthodox Jewish outsiders.) But there are people hanging around in bigger cities who are not Orthodox, but had parents from Yiddish-speaking villages who do culturally programming that is open to Jews and non-Jews.

Also the Yiddish Book Center website has nice videos of people (natively) speaking in Jewish with subtitles.

No I wouldn't like to be disliked wherever I go. I couldn't handle that.

I want that Jewish money too!!

No. I don't want the relatives.

My father's last wife was mexican and jewish. He "converted" but I don't he did it officially. We mostly practised the cultural aspects of it (holidays, mezuzahs, yiddish words). I actually really loved the sense community I felt with her side of the family since I grew up not very close with my relatives. Unfortunately they separated and I moved away after college so I don't have much of it in my life anymore but I kind of do consider myself jewish-esque

After the synagogue stabbings and the Pope’s violence against women of color, Judaism should be mandatory.

I like the idea of having all sorts of different sets of dishes. I love dishes. People are more forgiving of my obsessive collecting if I say that I'm Jewish.