Need Advice: I've been dissed and I don't know how to approach it.

Do nothing. Be your usual friendly self. Maybe she will reveal why you were not invited. Till then, forget it.

OP, just have your own party and do the same thing to her. Hand out expensive party favors she'll hear about and regret not getting.

I'd be nice to her face in passing but I wouldn't continue to really engage her. Just keep everything really surface. Don't share your wine.

Maybe she invited you and missed the invitation somehow?

Otherwise perhaps you're noisy or your apartment is emitting odors she's unhappy with? It may not be your fault- I have lived in buildings with walls so think I could hear my neighbors lightly coughing.

I would not mention it. You were not entitled to an invitation. If she meant to invite you but some screwup happened, you might find out about it in the conversations to come. Keep being friendly to her. No friendship has never had a bump along the way. If you notice that she is becoming distant to you, you could ask her, in the spirit of wanting to be a good neighbor, if anything is the matter.

Fuck her. Not literally, of course. but move on. Who wants to be friends with a woman like that?

You could ask her but confrontation is so awkward. Instead I recommend you burn her house down. She's get the message.

[quote] Do I say something to her? If I confront her,

What would you possibly say? She does not owe you an invitation for any reason whatsoever, you know. If you said anything about it, you'd look petty.

All the same, she showed you what she thinks of you, so now you know. As Maya Angelou said, "When people show you who they really are, kill them." Or something like that.

Does she know you're gay OP?

If so, could she be a homophobe?

If not, could she have misconstrued that dinner as a date?

How old are you both?

[quote] I've been dissed

No, you haven't. You've gotten your delicate feelings hurt.

I wasn't aware that being passing acquaintances with people required a person to invite them to every event and party in perpetuity.

Perhaps she finds you as whiny and insufferable as we here at DL do?

You don't mention it to her, but don't ever engage with her in the future. She's a stranger to you now. That's how she wanted it, and that's how it is now. Simple.

r9 No. She doesn't know I'm gay. she's not a homophobe. And the dinner was a thank you dinner. I'm 50, she's 60.

r10 I didn't get my feelings hurt, I'm just baffled. She just texted me funny text 2 days ago. A week ago we chatted about her vacation she just went on. She's a hot and cold person. One day she's nice the next day she's short and curt. I feel like this was an act of hostility to intentionally exclude me. I know a neighbor is going to ask me why I wasn't there. I just don't know how to behave when I see her. But I think I'll run with the advice above and just pretend nothing happened.

She may not have seen it as a thank you dinner OP.

And she may have figured out you were gay

OP, blast this at full volume the next time she has a party and doesn't invite you.

Shit in her mailbox, and then burn down her apartment.

That'll teach the bitch.

Aw, sweet OP! You sound like a very nice person. It sucks to be excluded when everyone else is included. But are you sure that she invited EVERYONE in your building? You said yourself that she's a hot/cold person. Maybe she's got cold tits right now for some reason. Or she could be shit testing you, I've met weird people like that. Like other posters said, don't be different with her. Sit back and observe her behavior towards you. The truth always comes out

Slap her face. Slap her face viciously.

Passive agressive is always fun. "I noticed you had your annual holiday party. Did everyone have a good time? I would love to have been invited" Then sit back and watch her stammer and squirm.

Has the party already happened? Send a nice “chocolate” pie the morning of the party saying it’s from one of her out of town relatives.

And then burn her house down!

You didn't reciprocate her lust and she was miffed. Just ignore her.

Next time your meet her in the elevator a simple, "Dead to me, cunt," will do wonders!

R12 If you’re acquainted enough with her that you’ve had drinks with her, bought her dinner once, and have each other’s numbers to text, yet she didn’t find you worthy enough to invite but invited everyone else, you need to block her number, cut the small talk whenever you see her and just leave it at “hello” and keep walking. If you say she has mood swings and is hot and cold all the time, I can guarantee this is someone you do not want to have in your life anyway. People like this are usually unstable and love to play mind games and they never grow out of it (obviously if she’s doing this shit at 60).

Maybe she had a reason to think you wouldn't feel welcome there. Maybe one of the neighbors she invited shared that they didn't like you, and she figured she shouldn't have the two of you together in the same room. I actually have social anxiety, so my friends know not to be offended when I don't show up. I mean, that's a faux pas, too, but my friends usually say, "We understand if you don't stop by, but we'd love to see you." People throwing parties already have a lot of pressure on them, and they don't need to cater to some shy, stammering idiot like me, when they've got a lot of other people to attend to. Anyway, I understand why OP feels dissed, but I would just take the high road, and not mention it. But I wouldn't invest myself any further in your friendship.

I agree with the posters above re: the “date” dinner. I think she misunderstood the intent and then felt hurt when she figured it out. Or, your invite was lost in the mail.

Be cheery but distant and see what happens next ...

OP maybe it is possible you got sent an invite, but somehow it got lost on the way to you. Just act like nothing ever happened and wait until next year.

OP, crash that party and make sure to show up drunk and belligerent.

I would just smile and say hey sounded like you were having a good time the other night! What was going down?

Then get a couple of Mexicans and a black guy to rape her in the stairwell.

You're better off darling............I was there...the cunt had boxed wine from Big Lots.

OP, I feel your pain. I've been not-invited to lots of things. I've introduced people to each other, they become friends, then they don't invite me to stuff. Usually, I'm real petty, but in these situations, I let it go.

OP, can we please retire the work "diss"? (Me being my normal petty self, sorry!)

[quote] She's a hot and cold person. One day she's nice the next day she's short and curt.

There's the answer to the question, OP. I really wouldn't worry about this.

OP: When you see her, ask, "So how was your Christmas party...did everyone enjoy themselves?" ...and just see how she responds. She'll know why you're asking.

It might prompt her to say, "Oh it was nice...sorry I didn't invite you but so-and-so was coming, and I knew it might be kind of awkward for you." Or, she might say, "It was great. I sent you an invitation, but I was surprised you didn't respond." That may clear up whether or not you received an invitation or if the invitation was truly lost or misplaced. Unfortunately, she probably just didn't invite you, which seems weird and inconsiderate considering the other on the guest list, but asking her the simply "How did it go" question, you just might get your answer.

She and her invited guests - they’re all Satanists!!!

OP: It would be good to get a response from the party host as R30 suggests, which is the best option so that you know why. But behind the scenes, you can also ask a neighbor with whom you can trust and can keep a secret if he/she knows why you didn't get invited. Your neighbor may know why and could tell you.

Unfortunately, you cannot simply confront the host so you have work in a polite way to find out. However, don't dwell on this too much. In a couple of weeks, the holidays will be over and this will be forgotten. You can be friendly to the party host in the future, but you don't have to go out of your way any longer. She obviously looks at your friendship/acquaintance as something much more casually than you do.

This reminds me of one of the better episodes of Midsomer Murders. The mousy club treasurer who does all the work just gets taunted by the rich lady, who dismissively refers to her as "Bookie's daughter".

Well, when the lady fails to invite Mousy to her annual society garden party, it's a snub too far! Let's just say it ends with the lady's skull on the receiving end of her own walking stick!

That would be passive-aggressive on her part, R4.

Then you have no choice but to tell the entire ladies auxiliary, OP!

I think R29 nailed it OP. She probably gets off on keeping people on their toes if she plays hot and cold. I've learned to just be distantly polite to those types and honestly at the end of the day you're much better off disengaging. I bet she has a hard job maintaining friends and she probably realized she'd bad mouthed you to her guests and possibly them to you (bullshit made up drama) so she couldn't have you there.

Be thankful you dodged the bullet.

Yeah, treat her like the cunt she is. Say a curt "hello" but don't bother ever talking to her again about anything, and if she tries, just let her know you can't be bothered by not responding much or at all.

The first chance you get, report her for a noise/smell/other violation, as well.

They were all a bunch of Trump lovers, OP.

Ask her what’s up? Otherwise it will eat at you for a long time.

I swear some of you have the emotional maturity of teenagers. Who thinks like this ??? Put your big girl panties on OP and get over yourself. Why would you think shes supposed to invite you to every function she has because your friendly . Thats just childish.

R5, you are nicely centered.

Life is disappointing, OP! Do you need a fucking hug from mommy?

Yeah, she sounds borderline as hell. Distant, persistent, chilly politeness is the only way to deal with them.

Calm down, Joan, I mean, R17.

Let it go, Georgie!

Ok, R27, 0% wit, 99% psycho.

I used to be seriously bothered by these situations, but now I just pay attention to bad behavior and act accordingly. It gives me the data I need to not invest further in individuals who play these games. By being friendly but not saying anything you turn the tables on her frau bullshit. If you respond about the party, she wins.

OP here. I ALSO drove her to the fucking airport!!!!! See why I'm baffled?

Plus it's the Holidays where you spread yuletide and warm wishes and gather your friends of loved ones around you???? Right? It's not like she had a tupperware party and excluded me!

Hiss and flounce!

Shit on her front lawn during her party.

Poop on her doormat.

I don't understand why people won't speak up when something is bothering them. The world is full of passive-aggressive behavior and complete misunderstandings over nonsense. Why not ask her? You were prepared to shun her anyway, or vice versa, so why not ask her what's going on?

[quote] OP here. I ALSO drove her to the fucking airport!!!!! See why I'm baffled?

OP, you will never, ever ... ever ... have to drive her to the airport again. You will never again have to do any favors for her. That is worth not being invited to this stupid party, IMO. Move on, it's really not that complicated.

The Datalounge approach to such a problem would of course be to hiss at her the next time you see her.

Maybe you're just a big old honking bore, OP? I know YOU might think it isn't possible but it doesn't stop it from being true.

Her excluding you seems incredibly rude, op, and you’re right to feel hurt, but the faster you get over it and back off the friendship the better it’ll be for you. If she asks why you’re being standoffish, then tell her you’ve been to her party four years in a row and what happened this year, and you don’t appreciate passive aggression. She’ll admit she’s wrong or that she made a mistake and thought she asked when she hadn’t. Either way, it was a bitch move not to ask you.

R52 confronting neighbors about things always results in mature, constructive resolution said no one ever.

r56 is apparently into high drama.

r53 I totally agree, no more favors, r56 my issue wasn't FOMO-- boo hoo someone had a party and didn't invite me-- nor hurt feelings. I couldn't give a shit. My issue is the "FUCKING AWKWARDNESS" that is now in the air which has been created by her, that I now have to deal with when I run into her! I can't leave the building without walking past her patio where she's always sitting.

I agree with the comments above, fuck her! I kind of want to confront her, so that SHE has to own the "mountain of awkwardness" that she just built between us. I'm super confrontational and I'm not afraid of conflict, but I have to see this bitch almost everyday. If this were a coworker I would confront them at work, but since this is right next door and I can't be miserable and uncomfortable in my own home, I don't think I should. But the temptation may be too great and I have impulse control issues sometimes!

Why are you friends with your neighbour for Christ's sake. Get a life you sad cunt

She sounds like a Cluster B personality. Regard this as a gift and never look back.

This is why workplaces dominated by fraus and frau-adjacent gays SUCKS. Manufactured drama is perpetuated daily and it just gets worse and worse.. They make The Hatfields and The McCoys look like rational adults.

How do you know "everyone else" was invited? Is she the landlord?

r62 that's a good point. If I buy into the drama (or create it in my mind) I'm just "manufacturing drama" for myself. If she was manufacturing it because she thrives on it and I don't bite, then she's failed. I think I choose to just let it go and continue to not give a shit.

Mind games about social occasions around the holidays are particularly fucked up. Don't mention it NOW, when you cross paths with her, but do mention it 6 months from now if she seems in a warm frame of mind and you are exchanging something socially. If she did this on purpose, there is something wrong with here. In my opinion.

Obviously you should start doing heroin to numb the pain.

Don't ask her, but the next time you see her make it a point of asking her how her party was and it sounded like fun because you could hear it all the way from your apartment. Then walk away and shun the bitch for the rest of her life.

The only one feeling awkward should be her OP, but she's probably not a normal person so she won't. If you say anything just smile and tell her you hope she had a fun party, then casually walk away. Then be done with her except to smile and nod to her in the hallway.

No more favours, no more conversation, but also no drama or confrontation because that's what this fucked up passive aggressive POS wants. Just keep your distance with a knowing "I'm glad I dodged a bullet" smile.

[quote] frau-adjacent gays

You win the internet tonight R62

I am so stealing that.

One of my best friends didn’t invite me to their wedding. We’ve never discussed it, and it doesn’t matter. We’re still close.

How others plan their parties isn’t any of my business. Especially (as in OP’s case) a mere neighbor.

Perhaps it’s the smell of your shoes

Neighbors, co-workers and family members are not mandatory friends. Best to cultivate good relationships but have limited expectations.

OP, read this thread especially post 14 regarding grey-rocking. This is one reason I love DL.

Seriously, though, she has done you a huge favor even though it hurts at present.

Personally,I get the vibe OP is the one who should be avoided . This huge exhausting drama has her so unnerved its ruining the enjoyment of HER OWN HOME ! Really ? Over a neighbors party ? Are you like 13 ? Gurl BYE.

March right up to that cunt’s door and demand an explanation.

Anyone who is hot and cold are not reliable. She knows what she did. I would just be cordial but that is it.

I agree with the grey rock stance. It is suitable for many occasions especially where you aren't sure what is really going on with someone.

[quote] frau-adjacent gays

[quote] You win the internet tonight [R62]

[quote] I am so stealing that.

Sounds like frau-speak to me.

Aim High: organize a building-wide tenants’ meeting to discuss a Pressing Issue That Concerns Us All.

Run it according to Robert’s Rules of Order, and be sure to bring a gavel.

Have you asked to speak to a manager?

I am CONCERNED!

Was there someone there who doesn't like you? Maybe she wanted to avoid upsetting said person.

OP, ignore these people who think you’re being overly dramatic. You had been invited to the past four holiday parties. She established a pattern and tradition of inviting you. It IS odd for you to have not been invited year five.

I have gone to a friend’s New Year’s Eve party for the past 11 years now (and they have come to my Thanksgiving dinner for the same past 11). Obviously, neither of us has to continue inviting the other, but at this point we expect it.

It’s just possible OP’s mussy stinks.

R83 = OP

Invite her in for another glass of wine, toss it in her face and say, "Now get OUT!"

Get her a Sybian for Christmas and then tell her to sit and spin

I agree with the idea of blocking her phone number so she can't send anymore "funny" texts and then just moving on in life without her in it. Who needs the bullshit?

Honestly? I wouldn't give her the time of day, nor ask how the party was, nor even give her the satisfaction you knew she had a party or anything. Pretend she's dead to you, OP. In other words, act like nothing happened and next time she wants a dinner out, or to have a glass of wine, or whatever you neighborly people do (I don't interact with neighbors - why shit where you sleep?), just be "really busy" or "maybe next time" or "sounds great, let's plan that" and don't - ever. You know, blow her the fuck off. She showed you who she is and what your interactions mean to her, so dump the bitch and her boxed wines.

Invest your time in someone who's worthy of your time. She's not at all. And if you throw a holiday party, don't invite her. If she brings it up, say something like, "OH, I didn't realize we were on *that* level of socialization...maybe next year?" And next year will never come, as far as you're concerned.

You sound nice and decent. She sounds like a psycho frau. Bye, Felicia.

Happy holidays, and don't sweat the small stuff.

Actually, come to think of it, why on earth would you ever even dream of speaking to your neighbor? Seriously OP. Why would you do that. I've never ever ever spoken to any of my neighbors other than a pleasant fake smile hello if we happen to be turning the key at the very same time. I mean if one's key is ahead of the other there is no hello, and I won't, and I mean won't, under any circumstances wait at the elevator with any neighbor who lives within two apartments of me. If I come out and they are there, I go back into the apartment as if I have forgotten something and wait until they are gone. OP I think you are just a huge failure in life. You need to stop all communication with this cunt and anyone other neighbor that you talk to. What is your problem? Can you give us an honest answer? Can you? I mean seriously? Why would you be so stupid? Think about it OP then give us an honest answer. We don't deserve your bullshit here. You probably pull this pussy shit on everyone you know and that's why you get "dissed". You didn't even post of picture!!! The least you could have done was to have posted a picture of the old cow, but nooooooooo you were so into yourself and having all of us feel sorry for your tired ass that you just jumped in to have us soothe you.

Well let me tell you something you fat caftan wearing cunt, that shit is over. You should have never been associating with your neighbors in the first place. If you're in some retirement community, which I suspect your an old cunt yourself, then you need to socialize with people in other buildings, NOT your fucking neighbors. Everyone knows this fucking rule you smelly asshole.

I hate you OP. I hate you for bringing your stupid, selfish problem to Datalounge when there are posters on here that have real problems, real needs, seeking real advice, yet you come on here with your filthy selfish agenda just to have your ego stroked. Fuck you OP. Fuck you and your Mother. I hope this thread ends in tears and you die in a grease fire and are thrown in the endless fires of hell. I hope that you mom is run over by a bus and then Jesus says that he doesn't like her and sends her to hell and then when she gets there she is tied up on a stretching rack by her arms and legs and they stretch her and tear her arms and legs off her torso and then they cut her hair really short and a bunch of lesbian demons think she is a dyke and they eat her cunt out and you have to watch all of this. And you neighbor stands by and laughs.

r90 trying to be amusing but utterly failing. Cunt.

r91 you're just jealous.

r92 Booooring

I'm still flummoxed by r70 not being invited to his/her best friend's wedding and never mentioning it. There's letting things go and then there's wtf. OP I'd be very upset too. The invite didn't get lost in the mail because if it had she would have asked you if you were coming in her text. I see nothing wrong with asking her a reason for the slight.

Frame her for murder.

Not being invited to a party is not the end of the fucking world.

Suck it up, buttercup.

Just let her know you were home that night watching movies, like Party of Five, and Invitation to the Dance.

It probably isn’t you. Narcissists do this. They act like you’re best friend and then all of a sudden they’ll just stop talking to you. They get off on making you feel insecure, “off-balance” and doubting yourself. And they’ll do this for no reason at all...meaning you’ve done nothing to provoke this behavior.

It’s not you, it’s 100% them.

OP, the party probably sucked anyway.

I once encountered a similar situation with a 'curious' neighbour... turns out nearly three years later, a mutual acquaintance told me she was cheesed off by a priest joke I had made. The odd thing was, i had remembered she had laughed at the time.

You never really fucking know sometimes. I wouldn't say or ask anything, but I'm British, and we suffer slights like this one of two ways: we simply ignore, or we feign ignorance and carry on as usual. Your choice really. Best wishes, and it does hurt to be left out.

Confront the bitch and report back. DL needs resolution.

[bold]#Justice4InquiringMinds

What was the thank-you dinner for? When did you take her to the airport? How do you know she didn’t invite you and the invite was mislaid? How were you invited in previous years (verbally, written mailed, email, evite, written dropped off))?

Just turn up at the party like you were invited.

OP is a frau. The neighbor doesn't know she's gay because she isn't gay.

OP has noticeable penis odor and nobody told him.

That, or it’s the pashmina caught in its neckbeard/mustache combo.

Or it’s the erotic nifty stories read by Siri every evening. Camping bronies, OP?

[quote] My issue is the "FUCKING AWKWARDNESS" that is now in the air which has been created by her, that I now have to deal with[.] ... I kind of want to confront her, so that SHE has to own the "mountain of awkwardness" that she just built between us. I'm super confrontational and I'm not afraid of conflict[.] [T]he temptation may be too great and I have impulse control issues sometimes!

OP/ R59 needs all the advice we can muster.

If she is hot and cold like you say, that's a very typical sign of a real narcissist. They are not always just people in love with their image in the mirror. It's more about you being of use to her is some way, then you are best buds, then if you are not of use, who are you again, oh right you live in my building. They have no concern for your real feelings either way.

Just pinch her a few times whenever you see her.

I always respect the amateur psychoanalyzing and psychiatric diagnoses provided by the distinguished professionals here on dl. Why not listen to bitter shopbottoms and elderly queens?

You're under the impression she owed you an invitation. You weren't invited. You weren't wanted. I doubt the answer you receive if you ask why you were not invited will make you feel any better. The friendship is over. Be pleasant, distant, and brief when you encounter her, but the friendship is over.

ALERT: OP is a Frau with Frau Problems!

[quote]One of my best friends didn’t invite me to their wedding. We’ve never discussed it, and it doesn’t matter. We’re still close.

WTF? That is not normal. And you can't be close friends if you are unable to even discuss it.

[quote]OP, ignore these people who think you’re being overly dramatic. You had been invited to the past four holiday parties. She established a pattern and tradition of inviting you. It IS odd for you to have not been invited year five.

I agree. She should be confronted. And not in a nasty way. Just a "hey what's up? I was disappointed I didn't invited this year" casual conversation. If nothing else, OP may find out she did send him an invite and it got lost. Or she will reveal a good reason that has nothing to do with him. If the friendship is truly over, what is there to lose? At least he'll get some closure.

Can't believe no one asked this yet. OP, did anything bad happen at last year's party? Did you get drunk and act like an ass?

The OP should rape her! That'll show her!

OP, shit like this happens all the time.

You said that she invited all the other building neighbors. Do not be confrontational but ask any of THEM if she mentioned why you weren't invited. Going third party is the most diplomatic way to get your answer. If they say she DID invite you, your invitation may be stuck under a sofa or something. If you get the "but you were invited" line, then you have permission to go up to her and APOLOGIZE for not attending as you did not receive your invitation. If she really is lying, she will squirm when you apologize. If she really wanted you there, she will be effusive.

Also, if she DIDN'T want you there, find out if the neighbors can give you a clue. Then APOLOGIZE for whatever the fuck slight she feels.

Being the big person lets others know what assholes they have been.

I am surprised that anyone on this thread gets invited anywhere.

Delete. Block. Polite indifference. Moving on.

Wrap up an empty box and knock on her door. Give her the present. When she opens it and there is nothing in it tell her her gift is with your invitation to her party, then leave in a dramatic fashion.

When you meet her in your apartment building lobby, make sure there are other people around and deliver your line, “How dare you!” Then slap her across the face. Turn, pivot and exit the lobby.

Invite her over for drinks. Comment that she is dressed inappropriately. Throw burnt champagne in her face. Tell her to GTFO.

You’ll never be one of us, OP.

Does your town have a Purge Night?

R117 is quite nuanced.

R117 sounds like a slut

50 years old and still hiding your homosexuality?

Drinks, dinner, parties, texts... and you've NEVER let her know you are GAY?

My guess is she found out you were gay from someone else in the building that you've told. She felt like you didn't trust her, so she lashed out.

OR she's in love with you and thought you were taunting her with the drinks and dinner and texts. When she found out you were gay, she wanted revenge.

OR, and this one is most likely, you were VERY DRUNK at last year's party and now you are no longer on the list of invitees.

She found out you’re a shopbottom.

Just be polite but forget about trying to be friendly with her.

well unless their will be a hundred people at this party, she'll notice your not there and one would think she'll leave the party and come knocking on your door and wonder where you are (that is if she did want you at the party and did send you a invitation that someone you missed)...

Now I'm kind of confused about the "invite" party of it all. Does this neighbor send out written invitations to her neighbors each year? Or does she call them?

I'f I'd attended for the past four years and heard the party going right next door, I might just waltz in. Then anything could just be cleared up then.

I mean, does she hire bouncers?

Sitcom option: scream and yell at her about it and then die of chagrin when it turns out she slipped your invitation under your door and it’s been lurking beneath your inside doormat all this time. Petty option: extol some holiday activity in your area (local Christmas village display or what have you), get her all excited about it, say, “One of these nights, we really have to go before it’s over!” Go with other friends the night of the party. Wait until that seasonal event is over and then bring up how you went, casually mentioning exactly which night, and rhapsodize about what a blast you had with your awesome friends that she doesn’t know. Be sure to work into the conversation how each friend has succeeded in some attribute or achievement that she’s insecure about having failed at.

r126 No one knows I'm into men around here. I wouldn't share that because it's irrelevant. This is a cluster of very social people who are very conservative, very republican, and skew older. It would just give people a reason to gossip about me (or call security because I didn't park in my garage.) I'm not that close to anyone, just neighborly. I'm also moving in six months, so who cares. The only person who needs to know that I"m into dudes is the dude that i am into. ( **Just like you never come out at work. That could be career suicide. Work is not about sex so it's no one's business. Bigotry exists everywhere! I had a boss one time say in a meeting, "Fire the queer one". Then he looked up at me and said "You're not one of those queers are you?" This was in Hollywood, unbelievably! That's when I learned personal life and work life don't mix.) My neighbors are not entitled to know personal info about me just because 2020. Homophobia is alive and well and it's everywhere.

So, the reason is that you were VERY DRUNK last year.

I've been out at work my entire adult life, over 30 years. One boss was a psychotic Xtian Holy Roller minister who treated me like royalty and never once did anything against me because I was openly gay.

OP is posting from 1984 at R132.

^^ I was going to ask OP's age, but couldn't find a polite way to phrase it.

Scary!

r134 That episode was 1998, and It was a like a construction job so all men, all hetero alphas, just a couple women. So, maybe I'm overly aware of bigoted danger. because my environment was contaminated with this type of mentality. But there were other things over the years that I witnessed in workplaces with coworkers that were not that overt, but instead a subtle overall bias against someone, for no other reason but that they were gay. I just takes one supervisor who is super christian and things get awkward. Visible bible quotes are big red flag! Saw one on my supervisor's license plate frame and was glad I did. That's why I don't breach the topic and no one ever asks because I pass for straight. But it all depends on where you work.

OP says in one of his posts above that he is 50 and in the closet.

I don't see it as in the closet. Because you never stop coming out of the closet. Every person you meet you have to trust your instincts while you assess whether or not you will reveal this information, when it's totally irrelevant. I don't' have to tell my buddy's childhood friend who I'm attracted to! Who cares! He's a boring, middle aged dad, married to a fat frau! I don't see the point! (And he was saying that he suspected his college age son may be gay and i still didn't see the point of telling him. Just like he doesn't need to know I'm a democrat. Because it doesn't matter.)

[quote]r136 But it all depends on where you work.

Well, I do feel bad you've worked in environments like that. It must have been a drag.

I can't imagine putting myself in that position, myself. I'd feel like Anne Frank.

Maybe the OP doesn't 'pass' as straight and the neighbor has it all figured out so feels that she's being lied to by omission.

Just seems odd to go on a social one to one dinner with someone you are effectively constantly lying to.

[quote] This is a cluster of very social people who are very conservative, very republican, and skew older.

And these are people you want to hang out with? Anyway, you're moving, so what difference does any of this make, really?

Would you really want to go to a party full of republicans and conservatives you won't be seeing again in 6 months? Seems more like you dodged a bullet. Just forget about it. If you see her, be polite but keep your distance.

[quote] I'm also moving in six months, so who cares.

Exactly. Next Christmas (2020), you will be long gone.

R86. ❤️ This!!!!!

There is only one appropriate way to resolve this issue:

[quote]Exactly. Next Christmas (2020), you will be long gone.

But apparently not forgotten.

Photo of OP at the frau neighbor’s Christmas party last year

Did OP perhaps break a dainty art chair? Everyone knows they’re supposed to strategically place bowls of orange cheese-dusted chips in front of the sturdy furniture.

I blame those hosts. Bad hosts.

Photo of OP at neighbors party last year

And she didn’t see that before leaving the house?

R149 that’s probably the frau. She didn’t want to share Santa’s candy cane with OP like last year so she burned his invitation in a voodoo hex spell ceremony. That’s why he never got it.

If anyone asks why you weren't there you have two answers:"I wasn't feeling well, thought I might be coming down with the flu..." OR: I had a schedule conflict, couldn't make it, sorry I missed the fun..." That's what you say to others. To her, I'd do as it has been suggested here. Be cordial and nice when you see her, and don't even mention it. Keep her at arms length. My guess is at some point she will want to provoke a conversation, make a comment about the party or in some way try to engage you. Don't take the bait. Just be nice but distant. Lesson learned. Unless she buys you a wonderful gift and apologizes, or in some other way offers a plausible acceptable explanation. Let this go. Time will pass and it won't even matter.

It sucks how much people thrive on being ugly to create unnecessary drama. And R152 is right—never let on you are pissed to others. Other folks would love a neighborhood cat fight—or will pretend to support you and tell her what you say behind your back.

Give her a knee in the temple and a dagger up the clitoris.

OP doesn't seem like the type who could pull it off coolheadedly, but there would have been nothing wrong with saying in passing, "Your party sounded fun last night." Then, had this been the next day, "Do you need any help cleaning up?"

That's how ordinary neighbors talk to each other.

OP I want know if you've run into her and what happened.

You need to confront her.

For some reason I'm still following this thread so I must have an update OP

Crikey! This never happened.