Let's pretend we are the editor of the NY Times Opinion Page!

Bari Weiss' piece on how Trump is acting more presidential these days is slotted for Sunday.

I don't feel like we've said that minorities and Democrats are incompetent often enough. Get me Ross Douthat on the phone, stat!

This thread is LITERAL VIOLENCE! Genderqueer and trans people are DYING by the billions and they won't be represented on Temptation Island!!! I am SO EXHAUSTED trying to explain trans and genderqueer to cost white men!!! It is literally killing me!!!!!!!!!

Maureen, the public needs to hear your outdated pop culture references from the nineties and how all democratic men are ineffectual pussies run by their bitch wives. And don't worry, our readers still love hearing about your unresolved psycho sexual pathologies and obvious daddy issues. Another column about Bill Clinton 's blow job you say? Go for it doll , that story is absolutely still fresh!

For the style and fashion section, I'm thinking we can compile a gallery of Princess Ivanka 's most iconic looks, next to an article detailing how her sartorial choices are influencing young women across the world. Be sure to mention her fashion line, but don't ask about the sweat shops, we don't want to upset Classy and Sophisticated Ivanka, who is really one of us at heart.

"What are your qualifications?"

"I have a friend who is a literal Nazi."

"Hired!"

Is that true that Jacob wasn't cast on that reality show? I'd actually pay to watch the snowflake whine on TV that no one wants him.

"We need more cutting edge, outside the box pieces. Who here knows a Trump supporter who swear's he's not racist?"